Dear Dude Who Was Kicked Out Of Manhattan’s Blue Ruin Bar For Eating A Salad In The Bathroom,
Where have you been all my life? Finally, someone who understands the simple pleasure of eating leafy greens in the serenity of a lavatory. I love to take my salad breaks in the bathtub. Like the bartender who kicked you out of the men’s room before you had a chance to finish your salad (what was in it, by the way?), friends and acquaintances have expressed disbelief, even repulsion, that I would want to eat my veggies whilst lounging in the tub. But fuck them, soulmate of mine. Come on over to my house — I have a toilet seat with your name on it. I’ll draw a hot bath — perhaps I won’t even make you avert your eyes — and we can clink forks before drowning out the haters with the loud crunch of romaine hearts and cucumber slices. I’m getting hot just thinking about it. All I ask is that you bring the dressing. I prefer balsamic vinegar-based.
See you soon, I hope,
I worked from home yesterday, which means I had Bravo on in the background all day. Which means I got to catch up with the lovely and bizarrely accented Rosie Pope and her band of charmingly crazy preggo ladies. But this season’s debut episode featured perhaps one of the worst dudes on record: Fritz. Fritz, I’m coming for you. Fritz, who along with his wife Christina, is an “esoteric performance artist entrepreneur,” was adamant that his wife go out into the woods and give birth against a tree somewhere. Which is really easy for him to say since it’s not his body or anything. As you might imagine, his wife was less than convinced that this was a good idea, but acquiesced to his decision not to have a hospital birth. Instead, sort of against her will, she was having a home birth, without pain killers, because as Fritz explained, if she “makes it through the pain of childbirth without screaming or going to the hospital she’ll feel that she accomplished so much more.” Keep reading »
Look at Mini Prince on his little red Vespa! Oh, the mustache! Somewhere in my ovaries, doves are crying. [Ego Mash Posse]
The other day, I was stuck in a k-hole (aka a hangover) and watched, like, 7,000 episodes of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” I then topped it off with some “Mad Men” and had a revelation: Teresa Giudice of “RHONJ” — she of the bankruptcy troubles and the ostentatious house, and the feud with sister-in-law Melissa Gorga — is just like “Mad Men”‘s meanie mom Betty Draper! They’re both grown ass children who try and manipulate everybody around them. Don’t believe me? Check out this handy comparative chart.
“That’s all me up there. I don’t need a stunt ass. I would regret it for the rest of my life if I was in a male stripper movie and didn’t get up there and strip myself. At first it was scary as hell, but then it became like a drug and I couldn’t wait to do it again.”
-Matthew McConaughey tells the Advocate about his big striptease in the upcoming movie “Magic Mike.” Apparently the scene wasn’t even in the script initially, but thanks to Matthew’s enthusiasm, it because the dirtiest dance of the movie. “It had to be wonderfully filthy,” he says. [People]
It might just be that I happen to own to highly evolved cats (hello Colonel Mustard and Pony), but it really sounds like this unhappy cat is saying “I don’t want it.” As in, I don’t want to go to the vet you stupid, stupid lady why are you making me? I’m inclined to agree with him. [YouTube]