The end of a romance usually begins with the first sly traces of resentment, jealousy or rage. For tortoise couple Bibi and Poldi, the end of their 115-year relationship began with a bite. According to their keepers at Austria’s Klagenfurt Zoo, the pair can no longer stand to be around one another, and have taken to biting and snapping at one another. Male tortoise Bibi attacked female Poldi several times — biting off a piece of her shell — before he was eventually moved to a separate enclosure. Animal experts attempted to reunite the pair by feeding them animal aphrodisiacs, but it didn’t work. “We have staff talking to and trying to engage the two in interacting, and we hope that they might find their harmony again,” says Zoo Chief Helga Happ. No luck yet, so maybe we’ve discovered that love is not forever — it’s actually for around 115 years. [The FW]
Bret Easton Ellis is the newest director being tossed into the ring to helm the Fifty Shades of Grey movie adaptation and he’s suggesting everyone’s favorite first love, Ryan Gosling, for the hard spanking, nipple clamping, domineering lead.
American Psycho and Rules of Attraction author, Ellis, is clearly no stranger to working with taboo subjects and is pitching his ideas to the studio to take the controversial and mega-successful movie on. He took to twitter to dig up some conversation over who should play the key romantic roles of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey. To say a few people are interested is an understatement. Hollywood sees these as career making roles. Read more …
I was never really sure what it was about Selena Gomez that got Justin Bieber all in a tizzy. But it seems that maybe she’s kind of funny? Here she is starring alongside Nick Kroll in a funny parody of softcore S&M hit Fifty Shades of Grey entitled “Fifty Shades of Blue,” in which she falls for a disgusting painter named Carl Blue. [Funny Or Die]
Last night’s premiere of “True Blood” featured a little nod to another HBO show, “Game of Thrones.” Or that’s what I like to think this scene featuring vampire Eric Northam fucking his sister is supposed to be. Shit ain’t sexy anymore unless there’s a dose of incest, amiright? Warning: the clip above is NSFW, so watch it over and over and over again when no one is around, ‘kay?
Last night’s “Mad Men” finale was a littttttle bit of snooze in comparison to the two that preceded it (Joan sleeping with a Jaguar exec and Lane Pryce hanging himself), but it did feature my new favorite minor character, Marie, aka Megan’s mom. This bitch dashes hopes and spits real talk in a sultry French accent and I love it! Here she is telling Megan, who is pouting because her career hasn’t taken off yet, “Not every little girl gets to do whatever she wants. The world cannot support that many ballerinas.” That’s a truth bomb right there.
You’ll have to excuse me if I don’t know what to say about this Fiona Apple video for “Every Single Night,” the first song off her new album, The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do. Fiona is wearing an octopus on her head, writhing in the dirt with snails, and floating through assorted ethereal and weird scenarios. God only knows what it’s supposed to mean. Maybe nothing? Anyway, The Idler Wheel comes out June 19, but the entire album is up on NPR today for your listening pleasure. Snail-free, I should say. [BuzzFeed]