On this episode of “Fancy White Bitches Behaving Badly,” er, “Gallery Girls,” we have a birthday, a breakdown and a frenemy breakup.
Maggie’s birthday is coming up and while she wants to go bowling, her friend Chris (who is still wearing Kefiyahs in 2012, how trendy) tells her that’s “trashy.” Shut up, Chris! Bowling is America’s premiere sport. It’s Maggie’s first birthday with Ryan, her neanderthal boyfriend. “Would it be unclassy of me to get a Diet Coke and a wine?” she asks him. Um, hi Maggie, welcome to my world. Keep reading »
Nicki Minaj is supposedly a Republican voting for Mitt Romney (just for financial reasons, though). In a new Lil Wayne mixtape, Nicki raps “I’m a Republican voting for Mitt Romney / you lazy bitches is fucking up the economy.” Didn’t see that one coming. However, considering Nicki’s next lyrics are about being in Miami “chilling with a zombie,” maybe she’s taking some creative liberties? But who the hell knows. Remember when Kelly Clarkson and Michelle Branch turned out to be Ron Paul fans? [NYMag.com]
You’ve always wondered what it might be like to get with that older, distinguished dude in your office, right? You’re all, “What was life like before the Internet?” And he’s all, “Shut up and help me boot up my computer.” You’re so clearly meant for each other, if only he could see it! Our friend Almie Rose has made this helpful video which will guide you through the process of snagging an older guy. Enjoy! — Editors
Well before he played, sniff, grandfatherly hitman Mike on “Breaking Bad,” actor Jonathan Banks still dealt in some pretty bloody business. Here he is in a strangely long informational video about menstruation. Odd!
It appears that the good people at Maple Lodge Farms have come up with an incredible new offering. It’s a hot dog chocolate eclair — at once delicious and revolting. We’d love to eat it, if we weren’t also completely terrified by it. [Neatorama]
Zac Efron is going to film a new movie called “Are We Officially Dating?”, which could also be the title of a documentary about my dating life. (Pro tip: if you have to ask, the answer is usually “no.”)
That got me thinking about other dispatches from my romantic life that could be titles for movies. Keep reading »