For the past 10 months or so that I’ve been sharing my love life with you as Dater X, my search for a soul mate has gone from a persistent, relentless hunt to a deeper understanding of myself and of what I’m looking for in a lifelong partner. It’s not always easy to hop on here week after week and divulge my successes, failures, pain and mishaps to a world of strangers, but I choose to do it because I want to. I like it. Writing about my experiences forces me to sit back, relive and reevaluate the situations I find myself in, which is a great form of cheap therapy if you ask me. But in addition to that, I’m able to ingest all of your comments about my dating life and look at my world from a different perspective. Many of you have been down this road before, others are traveling along with me. Sometimes your comments provide sound advice, but at the end of the day, it’s my journey. I have to follow my heart and go with my gut, knowing that you’re all only seeing one small, 800-word piece of a much larger puzzle. This is one of those times. Keep reading »
Jessie Kahnweiler is in the market for a boyfriend. She lives in LA, so she decided to hold an open casting call, because nothing brings all the boys to the yard like an appearance credit in a YouTube video. Jessie is hilarious, and while I can do nothing to help her ind her dream man, I would like offer up my friendship when I finally move to LA. I’ve been waiting to meet another woman who doesn’t understand what the big fucking deal is about Natalie Portman my whole life. [via Buzzfeed]
My best friend went on a date with a man who seemed fine at first — they sat at a neighborhood bar and talked for hours. They went on a second date, but this time, the dude tried every trick in the book to get her to come to his place and have sex. She refused his offer, and tried to leave it be, but three days later, when she was visiting me from out of town, she showed me the text he sent, asking her in a very straightforward manner whether or not she was interested, or if her lack of communication was the hint that he needed.
“You have two options here,” I told her. “Write back with a one word answer, or just don’t respond.”
“I have to say something,” she said. “I can’t just ignore this.”
“Just ghost on him, dude,” I told her. “It’s easy.”
When is it appropriate to ghost? Some may say never, that each person deserves the courtesy of hearing directly that you’re not interested in them, but please, take a moment to think about how many times you’ve been ghosted, specifically how sometimes it was fine and sometimes it wasn’t. It goes both ways. Here are some common dating situations in which it’s perfectly fine to ghost. Keep reading »
It was only a day or so after things crashed and burned on my date with Jack when OKCupid emailed me a “match,” alerting me that someone was interested. After checking out my match’s lengthy profile, which was refreshing to see since lots of guys write the bare minimum, he seemed to have a lot of potential. He loves dogs, has a great job, appears to share my values, plays baseball, enjoys being outdoors and was pretty damn cute, to boot. I figured it couldn’t hurt to shoot him a message. Just over a week later and after many exchanges back and forth, he asked me out for drinks. Obviously, I said yes. Keep reading »
My boyfriend Max and I don’t live together, but since it takes about two minutes to walk from my place to his, I sometimes feel like we do. When I first started thinking about moving to his neighborhood, the idea had been to move in with him (we’ve been together two years), but when an apartment nearby became available at a freakishly good deal for the area, it was too awesome to pass up. He’s lived in the same apartment for years, and I’ve grown to see it as a home away from home, so that’s where we spend most of our time, but now I also have a cozy little place to call my own as well. In the past, when our houses were a long subway ride apart, we’d spend longer stretches of time at one another’s place to avoid the commute, so these days, we actually tend to see each other less than before. Our little in-between setup gives us a lot of opportunity to see what kinds of hurdles we might come up against if we did share the same address. These past few months, we’ve learned more than ever about our own habits and about how to compromise to create a happier environment. Keep reading »
I don’t know why anyone is still talking about the friendzone. I thought we’d established that it’s a whiny, childish idea, that some people feel entitled to a friend’s romantic attraction by rights of … I don’t know, having been their friend? Or that they feel that pretending to be a friend in hopes of getting some is an OK way to relate to other people and not at all dishonest. Or that being friends with someone they think is great is a bad thing, or that they see sex as the end-all be-all of all human relationships. Yeah, definitely childish and entitled.
Of all the sort of casual, social concepts that go hand-in-hand with misogyny (you know, not rape, abuse, disenfranchisement, slavery, or genital mutilation), I think the “friendzone” is the most offensive to me. I get that it sucks to be attracted to someone and not have that attraction reciprocated. The first song I ever recorded was about my grade school crush and how he didn’t like me back. I spent years in a weird situation with another person where we both really liked each other but for one reason or another kept each other at friend-distance, which I think ultimately ruined what was a good friendship. I’ve dated a few guys who I liked better than they liked me, and vice versa. It feels insulting and off-balance, and it feels like you aren’t on the same page when you so, so thought you were.
That being said — oh well? Keep reading »