Non-boyfriend: defined as a close, uncomplicated friendship you have with a dude that defies all romantic weirdnesses because you two aren’t dating and have established that you never will. Would he sleep with you if you begged him? Probably. Is there some tiny spark of attraction? Sure. But that’s not the point. The point is that you’re both happy being two single friends who would maybe, in some some second life universe, bang if the moment arose. Until he finds a real girlfriend, and he will because he is an awesome guy, he will be a loyal, devoted, supportive and drama-free friend who you can text whenever the hell you feel like it. Of course, he may become a little scarcer once he gets a girlfriend but that’s OK because you’ll be happy for him. Appreciate him while he’s around. This is an ode to non-boyfriends and all the wonderful things about them… Keep reading »
Tag Archives: dating
Dating Don’ts: How Not To Be That Annoying, Love-Crazed Person
I keep blinking my eyes. Splashing cold water on my face. Waiting to wake up from the cinematic dream sequence which has been my life for the last three weeks. It all started when I ran into an old friend from college on the subway and the next thing I knew, my love life went from black and white to technicolor in a poof, like when Dorothy landed over the rainbow. So. Yeah. Hi! Greetings from over the rainbow. Colors are brighter here. Food tastes better. Dogs and babies and munchkins all have secret messages just for you. Time is measured in hand holds and kisses and the breeze decides which direction you walk.
I’m trying desperately to make sense of it all. But I fear I have become one of those people: the love-crazed fool who you want to punch in her stupid, shmoopy face. Even in my state of euphoria, I recognize that my type can be terribly annoying. Should you ever find yourself over the rainbow, A) Enjoy it! and B) Try to keep it together so the rest of the world doesn’t want to murder you. Here are some thoughts about how to do that… Keep reading »
How To Hook Up On Easter
Holiday Party Hookups
There are lots of good reasons NOT to hookup at the holiday party. Read More »
Easter marks the beginning of Spring, and there by the infamous Spring Fling season. While it may seem blasphemous, you can bag a man at church, if you’re subtle. Old peeps just love matchmaking! And what better place to meet a nice guy than in church? Here’s how you can turn Easter in to a real man-feast! Keep reading »
Animal Advice For 6 Common Sex-Related Freak Outs
The downside to getting laid, if there has to be a downside, is dealing with the aftermath. Once the guy has gone home, it’s just you and your vagina left to process the whole thing. This can become particularly panic-inducing if something’s itchy down there or if your period is late or days have gone by and you haven’t heard word one from him. This is when the beauty of the act gets tainted by extreme post-sex anxiety. Don’t let yourself spiral into a full-blown freakout. Really, it’s not worth losing your marbles over what is most likely a yeast infection. You’re going to be fine! Seriously! Everything is going to be OK! These animals have comforting words and friendly advice to help you with any sex-related freak out you might currently be experiencing.
6 Dating Rituals That Have Become Extinct Because Of The Internet
I was watching the vintage “Real World” marathon this past weekend on MTV. On the San Francisco season, you may remember that episode where Rachel goes to a coffee shop to give her number to a dude. It doesn’t end up working out, but oh man, this scene gave me a crazy bout of dating nostalgia. I started remembering all the things I used to have to do (most of them terribly embarrassing) when I liked someone. Before the days of Facebook and Google, it took some serious ingenuity just to figure out a guy’s last name. I had to stalk a guy at Little Caesar’s Pizza every day after work just to get his phone number! That’s a lot of individual pizzas to order on an allowance! You have to really like the person to put in that kind of financial commitment. And if they like you back? Whoa. Now it’s all a mouse click away. It’s just too easy. Let’s reminisce some of those extinct pre-Internet dating rituals. Keep reading »
Guys, Please Don’t Fake A Knife Attack To Impress Your Date
On a scale of one to absolutely freaking psychotic, staging a knife attack on a first date so you can play hero ranks, uh, absolutely freaking psychotic. Twenty-six-year-old Tyler Siegel of Jonesboro, Arkansas, went all out to impress his date, but not with, like, flowers and a fancy dinner or something like that. Oh no. As a little end of the evening surprise, he arranged to have his friend pretend to be a criminal and attack the couple at knifepoint while strolling through a local park. Oh, yeah, because women really love those kinds of surprises! Keep reading »
Dating Don’ts: All It Takes Is One
One day, you’ll be leaving work, your limbs heavy with dating fatigue. You’ll trudge to the subway with a sourness in your soul. I’m done with dating, you’ll whisper into to the dank subway air. That’s it. I will live underground in the subway tunnels like those mole people and never have to sit through another awkward round of drinks again. You’ll be so wrapped up in your self-pitying reverie that you’ll miss the train. You’ll, swear, gnaw on your cheek, hating yourself for thinking like this and wait for the next one.
Moments later, you’ll notice a man on the platform standing next to you and feel drawn to him like a super-duty magnet. He’ll pull you with great gravitational force onto the same subway car as him and you’ll sit across from him. He’ll pull out the NY Post. And you’ll think No one reads the paper anymore. But this guy does. He’s the last paper reader alive.
You’ll study his face, this paper reading unicorn, taking it in, trying to make sense of it. He has kind eyes. His mouth is fixed in a perma-smirk. When his smirk spreads to a smile, you’ll realize you recognize that smile. You know him!? This realization will untether you. This is someone you know?! But how? From where? Keep reading »
10 Things Your Coupled Friends Think You Want To Do Just Because You’re Single (As Told In GIFs)
Ambivalent Single Lobster
Who says lobsters mate for life? This one is ambivalently single. Read More »
All those coupled friends of yours, you’re genuinely happy that they’ve found someone whose morning breath makes them giddy. You’re thrilled that you’ll never have to field another late night phone call from them about how they are scared to choke on a ham sandwich and die alone like Mama Cass. Really, you’re glad they found ever-lasting love and left you alone to make a weekend of hand-washing your delicates.
The only issue: the second they fell in love, it’s like they got single amnesia and forgot what it felt like to eat peanut butter straight out of the jar for dinner on a Saturday night. Their memory of what it was like to be relegated to the pull-out couch at Christmas while your brother and his wife get to sleep in your bed was wiped out. They no longer recall what it was like to feel demoralized after going on 100 unsuccessful OK Cupid dates. And this is why they assume that you would like to bird sit for them for the next two weeks while they’re laying on the beach in Aruba. Because you have nothing better to do, right? Well, not really, but that doesn’t mean you want to deal with bird shit. And while you’re at it, here are some more things they shouldn’t assume you’d like to participate in just because you’re single. Keep reading »
Dater X: A Lifetime Full Of Relationship Firsts
He looked terribly handsome as he tossed his shaggy dark hair and laughed just a little too hard at my bad joke. While his posture telegraphed confidence — upright yet leaned back, big smile across his face — the laugh told me, “Whoa. This guy is just a little bit nervous.”
I felt nervous too — a tiny fluttering in my stomach, my palms just a little clammy. First dates have a way of doing that to you.
Only, this wasn’t our first date in the traditional sense. No, this was our first date, err, our first “Preparing for Partnership” session, with the rabbi we want to marry us.
You got to know me years ago on The Frisky as Dater X, the girl who just couldn’t get it right in love, hanging intense excitement on each new guy and feeling mildly to horrifically crushed when it didn’t work out. Dater X, the girl on the hunt for her green zebra—safari jacket on, binoculars at the ready—but only finding red koalas and yellow crocodiles. Keep reading »
How To Get Your Ex To Notice You On Facebook
Facebook. How did we exist before it? How did you define ourselves, our relationships with friends and/or boyfriends? How did we let people know, on a large scale, that yes, you ate the four-day-old Chinese food, and now your head is in the toilet while you throw up everything you’ve consumed in the last 48 hours? How would we know that your two-year-old is officially potty-trained, but decided it should play with its shit one last time? How did we do it? Oh, we didn’t. That’s so sad for us.
Over-sharers, attention whores and braggers could not have asked for anything more awesome than the invention of Facebook. It’s become the go-to for revealing oneself and maybe even tossing things in other people’s face. But it’s cool; everyone does it.
And if everyone does it, don’t you owe it to yourself to maybe take advantage of Facebook in regards to getting the attention of your ex? If you’re lucky enough to have parted ways amicably without any blocking done, why wouldn’t you want to pull some “Look at me! Look at me! I’m so awesome without you!” action?
You’d be weird to NOT want to do such a childish thing. Read more…
