Anonymous dicks on the Internet have told me a few times that I’ll never get a boyfriend because of my feminism. First of all, oh noes, because being single is so bad and women’s lives are meaningless unless a man validates us with their commitment. Second of all, what? I’ve had a boyfriend for a year and a half. They go on to claim that the only men who date or sleep with feminists are some variation on the word “fag,” which I take to mean effeminate, which is sometimes the case and sometimes not. I will say that my boyfriend is extremely masculine but does not engage in the desperate, hyper-macho mindset that leads people to call other people some variation on the word “fag” as if it’s an insult. That, or they’re “white knights,” or male feminists who are only in it for that sweet, sweet feminist pussy (which is weird, because they’ve also made really vile remarks about my vagina).
Anyway, what I’m getting to is: All of the anti-feminist assumptions about my love life as a feminist are predictably wrong. Tick — I have a boyfriend. Tick — he’s not effeminate (although it’d be fine if he was). Tick — he’s not a feminist, either. Keep reading »
Samhita Mukhopadhyay asked today on Al Jazeera: Can online dating ever be women-friendly? She talks in her op-ed about the challenges of online dating after your mid-30s, the rash of gross misogynist messages you can expect to receive as a woman on online dating sites, and how Tinder was intended to be woman-friendly, but can it really be woman-friendly if its creators don’t know what life is like as a woman and have, now, been accused of sexual harassment? She doesn’t mention sites like Straight White Boys Texting, which cull their content from Tinder users, among others, and which seems like a pretty pertinent point: Even if you “approve” of them based on their profile, you have no guarantee of how a potential date will actually treat you in real time.
Her conclusion is this pretty depressing last-stage-of-grief coping mechanism: “It’s as though the offensiveness on dating sites becomes a sorting mechanism, a virtual last man standing; only the last man is (hopefully) not a drunk sexist jerk.” My god. I mean, I know what she’s talking about. I’ve been there. It’s just that I was 25 and after four months of being on OKCupid the well of all right guys had already dried up and I couldn’t find anyone who was neither sexist nor duplicitous nor hyper-defensive (I expect from previous bad online dating experiences of their own). Keep reading »
“Experts” are constantly telling us how to do things: How To Find Your Soulmate In 5 Days, How To Brew Your Own Beer, How To Write The Perfect Love Letter and so on. But I’m convinced the kids of the world should really be the ones running it, what with their impartial insights and inability to bullshit. Lucky for those of you who need some help with the ladies, some smart kid has written a no-fail guide on “How To Pick Up Chicks” (which he spelled ‘Checks,’ but this has nothing to do with banking). This, my friends, is how it’s done. [Reddit]
This week has been an absolute shitstorm. It was one of those “when it rains, it pours” weeks that makes you want to crawl under your covers and not come out until life is back to normal. My grandmother is still dying, withering away and scared to close her eyes, while my heartbroken grandpa watches on with the slightest bit of hope that she’ll pull through. She won’t. On top of that, I’ve been going through other family drama, a job shakeup and heath concerns to remind me of life’s oh-so impeccable timing. All in a week’s work, right? During this time of complete instability and emotional exhaustion, dating has been the last thing on my mind. Keep reading »
Gettin’ down with someone new for the first time is exciting and nervewracking. There are so many decisions to make! Lights on or lights off? Do you get on top, or do you just park yourself on the bottom and hope for the best? Will it be evident that it’s been a minute? The thing about it, is that once you do it, it really is like riding a bike. You never really forget, you just have to get back on the horse. Hooking up with a new person for the first time can be totally awesome. Sure, there are awkward moments as you figure out each other’s moves and tastes, but the sexual chemistry carries you through. But there are those other times when your new paramour’s behavior in the bedroom is inexcusable. We all have our limits. Dudes, take heed. Here are some sex dealbreakers that will definitely not get you another lay. Keep reading »