Tag Archives: dating

Dater X: Why Does Sex Change Everything?

As Scruffy Beard began unhooking my bra, a panic signal went off in my head. Uh oh, Dater X, I thought to myself. This is your third date and you are straddling him in a chair. Your shirt is across the room, and you can feel his hard-on through his pants. You are on a steam locomotive powering towards sex town. This. Is. Not. Good.

I pulled back, feeling suddenly shy about the fact that I was topless. I looked him in the eyes—definitely his nicest feature, though I’d come to appreciate the rest of his face in the two weeks we’d been dating, too. His gaze seemed filled with adoration and desire, and he leaned forward and kissed me, soft and slow. I felt his hands squeeze around my butt. And that was it. Soon the rest of our clothes hit the floor, our makeout session getting more intense with every kiss and touch. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I’ve Never Masturbated

I’ve had good sex and bad sex, but there’s one thing I’ve never had: solo sex. That’s right: I’m a 34-year-old woman who has never masturbated. I know it sounds crazy. Many people swear that masturbation is a critical part of being a sexually satisfied woman, but I’ve never been able to bring myself to do it. This came up recently while watching Natalie Portman go to town with herself in “Black Swan.” Self-love just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. My vagina and I just aren’t that close.

As a feminist, I rationally understand that I’ve in some ways internalized the social stigmas around female sexuality, and I don’t know how I’ll ever get over them. I just don’t want to have that kind of interaction … with myself.
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Dear Wendy: “He Called Me His Girlfriend, Then Disappeared”

I went on a first date with this amazing guy the day before Thanksgiving. We made a great connection and hung out all weekend. We both agreed that it felt right and marveled at how easy it was to spend time with each other, and on Sunday he even called me his girlfriend! Normally, I don’t jump into things like that, but we were so into each other that I threw caution to the wind and went with it. A few days later, he called me and said that something happened to his dad (whom he said he has issues with) and that he was hospitalized in a city two hours south of here. He said he needed to focus all his energy on dealing with that and that he couldn’t be my boyfriend right now, explaining that he didn’t want to be with me at all if he couldn’t be with me 100 percent. He said it would be a few weeks before things got back to normal, and then maybe we could start dating again. I’m an eternal optimist and I want to believe that he still wants to be with me eventually, but I can’t ignore my logical side. I think that if he wanted to talk to me, he would have called me by now. Normally, I would shrug it off and move on already, but I’ve never met anyone with whom I’ve had such a strong connection. I want to be with him, and the things he has said lead me to believe that he feels the same way. What should I do? — Rushed Love Lost

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Love For Sale, Billboard-Style

Meet George Mauer. Depending on how you look at it, he’s either got really great friends or a bunch of the worst buddies on earth. His “friends” paid for a billboard in New Orleans that calls him “the New Orleans Lover,” and describes him as both loving philosophy and hating cheap alcohol. Has it really come to this, George? [Blame It On the Voices] Keep reading »

How To Not Screw Up The Holidays If You’re Single

The holidays, and winter in general, are for couples.

I swear, I’m not beating my usual “life is cruel for us singles” drum, because we pretty much own spring and summer. In winter, though, people pair off and disappear like the end of a key party, and we’re just left sitting there on the couch in our Fair Isle sweaters, wondering where everybody went.

After 30-some years of being single, I haven’t become inured to getting a little down about it. Who ever gets used to not having somebody to take home to their mother or to introduce around at the work party or, hell, even buy something goofy for? Read more Keep reading »

How To Pass The 7-Second Test

Earlier this month, Susannah admitted that she can tell how a date will go within the first three seconds. Turns out, she’s only about four seconds faster than average at sizing up a potential mate. Linda Blair, clinical psychologist and author of Straight Talking, says: “‘It takes only seven seconds for us to judge another person when we first meet them,” explaining that this subconscious behavior goes back to our “primitive roots when we couldn’t afford to make wrong decisions.” Judi James, author of The Body Language Bible, agrees, and explains: “We’re looking primarily to see if we should feel threatened, but we also make several assumptions about attraction and personality. … Because we tend to be time-poor, we use assumption as a short-cut, meaning if you don’t get it right first time you might not get another chance.”

This not only spells potential trouble for the person we’re sizing up, but it can be disastrous for us when we’re the ones being judged. After the jump, a few expert tips for passing the seven-second test yourself. Keep reading »

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