“Do you love her?” I finally asked my ex in the midst of our screaming match last late night. He paused for a minute. I could hear him breathing deeply over the phone line, slow and steady—he could have been at a yoga studio, contorted and wearing orange spandex, or practicing Lamaze breathing for the birth of his first child. Instead, he was verbally (and angrily) tracing the end of our relationship. The truth of his new relationship had been so obscured in various manipulations, that despite approaching a year of us not dating I really had no idea where “they” were.
“Yes,” he said, and my heart grew very still. Somewhere after he listed the third or fourth reason why she was better than me, I interrupted, “Stop. Just. Stop. I can’t do this with you anymore.” I hung up the phone, curled up in bed, and went to sleep. Keep reading »
It was one of my therapists who first enlightened me. “I just don’t know why I like him so much. He doesn’t feel the same way and I know it,” I managed to choke out through sobs. “What do you like about him?” she asked. Well he’s smart, funny, wacky, he travels a lot, and makes lots of money doing something he loves …” She stopped me right there and offered some life-changing feedback. “Maybe you don’t like him, maybe you just want to be him.” Keep reading »
I had a picture in my mind of how my next dating experience was going to go. I’d meet a nice guy, maybe at a friend’s house party or while we both tried to flag down the bartender at one of those speakeasy-esque bars that serves cocktails with perfectly square ice cubes. We’d exchange some witty words, some knowing smiles, and clink our glasses as we got a second round. He’d ask for my number and would call a few days later. Our first date would be during the day—maybe to a museum—followed by a dinner date the next week, if things went well. I had in my mind that, next time I got on the dating mechanical bull, I was going to take things slow and steady so I didn’t get bucked off too soon.
But then I met The Young One. Keep reading »
One of the things I’ve been thinking about during this drinking/dating/sex sabbatical of mine is how you know you actually like someone. I’ve come to realize that in addition to being an extreme emotions junkie, I’m what Dr. Drew might call a “love-a-holic.” A motivating factor in my desire to sleep with someone is for that amazing but temporary feeling of love and desire and wholeness that washes over me when I’m in bed with them. I lovvvvve the feeling of being in love, feeling love, having a crush, etc. Looking back, I’ve felt love for people that I barely know, let alone know well enough to deduce if I actually like them. So, in the last 20 days of being sober and date/sex-free, I’ve felt the feelings of liking someone hit me and instead of obsessing over them and rolling around in that feeling of like, I’ve tried to think about why I have that feeling. Keep reading »
Psychologist Robert Leahy made a list of reasons why men don’t listen to women. Sure maybe he’s not listening to us because he want us to be rational rather than emotional, but it’s pretty likely that at that point, we’re not listening to him either. While this list is an interesting look at why communication breaks down between the sexes from the male perspective, we thought it would only be fair to make a list of reasons why women tune men out. Check them out after the jump. Why do you stop listening? Share in the comments. Keep reading »
I saw this Tumblr post where a girl made a list of the reasons why she thinks she’s single. While “I just haven’t met the right person,” is a great catch-all, I thought I’d try to dig a little deeper. Ya know, in the interest of self-awareness. Check out my “Why I’m Single” list after the jump. What would your list say? Keep reading »