Valentine’s Day is this weekend, and once again I’m reminded how irrelevant the occasion is to anyone who’s actually in love. Aside from kids and their handmade cards, Valentine’s Day is really just for the lonely, sad, and insecure. Think about it. When was the last time you heard anyone who was happily coupled up express anything remotely resembling excitement over the big day? More likely, they don’t express any thoughts about it at all. Because happily coupled up people don’t think about Valentine’s Day. And why should they? If couples are doing it right, they don’t need to wait for some manufactured Hallmark occasion to celebrate their love. Keep reading »
When you hear the word “detox” all sorts of things come to mind: spas, juice fasts, colonics, rehab centers. People enter detoxification programs to rid their bodies of toxins, lose a little weight, maybe look and feel better about the damage they’ve done to their bodies. Detoxifications are done when you eat too many chips, drink too many drinks, do too many drugs. But how do you detoxify from poor love decisions? Is there a Promises out there for people who have had one toxic relationship after another? How do you take the damage done from too many bad relationships to enable a fresh start? Keep reading »
Q: The best part of having a workplace boyfriend?
A: Kissing on the sly in the utility closet at your office.
Q: The worst part about having an office boyfriend?
A: Your boss walking in on the two of you kissing on the sly in the utility closet at your office.
Kidding. The worst part is when you have to deal with Mr. Once-Wonderful after you dump him. Or—far worse—he kicks you to the curb. But let’s try to look at the bright side. I know everyone swears that office dating is a recipe for disaster, but according to recent studies cited in Fortune and GQ magazines, somewhere between 22 and 50 percent of office romances lead to marriage. So someone’s doing something right. Possibly in the cubicle right next to yours! Keep reading »
I still remember the day I realized my first love wasn’t perfect. We’d been together for about 2- 1/2 months and decided to go camping for the weekend. I wasn’t much of an outdoorsy person and ended up wearing, like, Keds on our long hike up to the campsite (which really wasn’t a campsite, but more of a clearing in the woods with enough room to pitch a tent). Rather than slow his pace and enjoy the beautiful day with me, my boyfriend laughed at my footwear and sped off, keeping a good ½ mile ahead of me all afternoon. It was then that I realized I loved him, but he hiked too damn fast (and was really kind of a jerk).
Loveyoubut.com celebrates exactly this kind of realization in a relationship. Created by Alex Holder and Ross Neil, the site is a “picture book about the moment in a relationship when you realize you don’t love someone completely, because there is just one little thing that keeps bothering you.” While I’d argue it’s often that one little thing that makes you realize just how unconditionally you do love someone — seriously, if you can love your man despite his hairy back or the loud slurpy sound he makes when he drinks beer, that’s when you know it’s real — the site is totally worth checking out. Filled with funky, hand-drawn portraits and great quips like, “I love you, but you still read articles about Princess Diana,” and “I love you, but you say ‘pacific’ instead of ‘specific’,” loveyoubut.com reminds us that no one is perfect, and sometimes what we don’t like about someone says a lot more about us than it does about the other person.
What’s your “I love you, but” quote? [via Nothing But Bonfires] Keep reading »
My girlfriends and I got to talking the other night (okay, actually it was several nights with several different girlfriends and several bottles of wine). You may guess where this is going. The funny thing is, I thought I did too. Keep reading »
I am not used to being pursued by men. This is not to say it’s never happened, but the eight and a half years I lived in New York can best be described as an incredibly long dry spell interrupted by too many bad first dates, as many one-night stands, and one seriously flawed serious relationship.
While I know some of the fault lies in my refusal to date actors, bad spellers, or men who work in finance, my sister and I joke that in New York I was fat and average, but in Kansas City I’m hot. Not that there aren’t plenty of attractive women in the Midwest, but New York is a city full of models, actresses, and hundreds of thousands of women who look like models and actresses. Going out in New York in our size-10 jeans, my sister and I concluded after her first visit, was like going to a gay bar anywhere else in the country. Keep reading »
The biggest, baddest, most terrifying part of falling in love is opening up and letting yourself be vulnerable. When it works, love can seem like the stuff of fairytales: you meet someone, you get to know and like each other, you enter into a mutually trusting and respectful relationship, you fall deeply, madly, hopelessly in love, and you live happily ever after.
At least, for a while. Keep reading »
Now that I’m back on the “dating scene,” I’ve realized that I’m still borderline idiotic when it comes to male-female courtships. My last relationship started off pretty typically — a dinner date here, a movie date there — but quickly spiraled into very serious, very quickly. We said I love you within two months, moved in together within five months, and were together for nearly five years. I can’t recall when we or if we had the whole “boyfriend/girlfriend” discussion, or how we knew we were seeing each other exclusively. It’s unfortunate, because I could use that knowledge now. For example, how in the hell do you know when your fun, dating relationship has progressed into boyfriend/girlfriend territory? Is it when you have the “we’re banging each other exclusively” conversation? When introductions are made to friends? When one of you slips up and and says “my boyfriend” in front of the other? And let’s say you’re dating each other exclusively (because dating, not to mention sleeping, with multiple people is extremely time consuming), when does THAT change into BF/GF? Seriously, can you tell I am confused? The guys on my IM are here to help… Keep reading »
Since my breakup, I’ve not only been navigating single life, but I’ve been trying to figure out what kind of relationship to have with my ex. Are we friends? Acquaintances? Simply exes? Potential friends with benefits? It’s hard to say, and I vacillate between these possibilities. I’m grateful that ours was a long distance relationship, so I don’t have to worry about running into him at a club or the grocery store. At the same time, I’ll be honest — I miss him. Our once-daily talks and emails have dwindled to once or twice a week … but that doesn’t mean I don’t think of him more often than that. Keep reading »
Between the Internet, blogging, and social networking, the concept of courtship can seem pretty antiquated. Depending on how Web-present you are, with the push of a button a guy could potentially access everything from your videotaped colonic to your SAT scores to mortifying details of your most recent heartbreak. All this before you’ve even met him in real life.
Once, I was regaling a new date with a funny story — only to have him interrupt and finish it for me. It wasn’t a case of sudden onset Alzheimer’s. I’d never met him before. He’d Googled me and read a piece I’d written that contained the anecdote. I was busted for plagiarizing my own material.
With any luck, your online presence isn’t as loud and embarrassing as mine. Still, living in a post-privacy world begs the question: How much information is too much information? Negotiating the privacy line becomes especially crucial when dating someone new. So here are some guidelines for what to reveal and what to leave unspoken. For now, anyway. Keep reading »