I am not used to being pursued by men. This is not to say it’s never happened, but the eight and a half years I lived in New York can best be described as an incredibly long dry spell interrupted by too many bad first dates, as many one-night stands, and one seriously flawed serious relationship.
While I know some of the fault lies in my refusal to date actors, bad spellers, or men who work in finance, my sister and I joke that in New York I was fat and average, but in Kansas City I’m hot. Not that there aren’t plenty of attractive women in the Midwest, but New York is a city full of models, actresses, and hundreds of thousands of women who look like models and actresses. Going out in New York in our size-10 jeans, my sister and I concluded after her first visit, was like going to a gay bar anywhere else in the country. Keep reading »
The biggest, baddest, most terrifying part of falling in love is opening up and letting yourself be vulnerable. When it works, love can seem like the stuff of fairytales: you meet someone, you get to know and like each other, you enter into a mutually trusting and respectful relationship, you fall deeply, madly, hopelessly in love, and you live happily ever after.
At least, for a while. Keep reading »
Now that I’m back on the “dating scene,” I’ve realized that I’m still borderline idiotic when it comes to male-female courtships. My last relationship started off pretty typically — a dinner date here, a movie date there — but quickly spiraled into very serious, very quickly. We said I love you within two months, moved in together within five months, and were together for nearly five years. I can’t recall when we or if we had the whole “boyfriend/girlfriend” discussion, or how we knew we were seeing each other exclusively. It’s unfortunate, because I could use that knowledge now. For example, how in the hell do you know when your fun, dating relationship has progressed into boyfriend/girlfriend territory? Is it when you have the “we’re banging each other exclusively” conversation? When introductions are made to friends? When one of you slips up and and says “my boyfriend” in front of the other? And let’s say you’re dating each other exclusively (because dating, not to mention sleeping, with multiple people is extremely time consuming), when does THAT change into BF/GF? Seriously, can you tell I am confused? The guys on my IM are here to help… Keep reading »
Since my breakup, I’ve not only been navigating single life, but I’ve been trying to figure out what kind of relationship to have with my ex. Are we friends? Acquaintances? Simply exes? Potential friends with benefits? It’s hard to say, and I vacillate between these possibilities. I’m grateful that ours was a long distance relationship, so I don’t have to worry about running into him at a club or the grocery store. At the same time, I’ll be honest — I miss him. Our once-daily talks and emails have dwindled to once or twice a week … but that doesn’t mean I don’t think of him more often than that. Keep reading »
Between the Internet, blogging, and social networking, the concept of courtship can seem pretty antiquated. Depending on how Web-present you are, with the push of a button a guy could potentially access everything from your videotaped colonic to your SAT scores to mortifying details of your most recent heartbreak. All this before you’ve even met him in real life.
Once, I was regaling a new date with a funny story — only to have him interrupt and finish it for me. It wasn’t a case of sudden onset Alzheimer’s. I’d never met him before. He’d Googled me and read a piece I’d written that contained the anecdote. I was busted for plagiarizing my own material.
With any luck, your online presence isn’t as loud and embarrassing as mine. Still, living in a post-privacy world begs the question: How much information is too much information? Negotiating the privacy line becomes especially crucial when dating someone new. So here are some guidelines for what to reveal and what to leave unspoken. For now, anyway. Keep reading »
Facebook, like nuclear technology, is a tool that can be used for good as well as evil. And there are clearly some people who lack the ability (or desire) to use either responsibly. One of my all-time favorite Facebook stories involved a recent college graduate backtracking it to the old Alma Mater (it wasn’t Tucker Max) on a recruiting trip. He went to a neighborhood watering hole, flashed some of that first-year cash and, later, worked on his night moves with a fine, young coed. Unfortunately, he knew she was going to Facebook (it’s a verb now) him and he still had a few days in College Town, USA. So, he did the prudent thing and changed his status to Single. He and his old old girl were on the rocks and he thought he’d enjoy the rest of the trip. This was how now ex-girlfriend found out. She was dumped by Facebook. And because this is neither Vietnam nor the Wild West, we decided to implement some rules of etiquette for Mark Zuckerberg’s handiwork. After the jump, the top 10 rules of etiquette for using Facebook responsibly in and around relationships. Keep reading »
I never trust couples that claim they don’t fight. I don’t believe them, and even if they aren’t lying, who wants to be with a guy who agrees with everything you say? How boring would that be? The best part of being in a relationship is exposing yourself to new ideas and ways of thinking. If you don’t have any conflict, you’re probably not going to have many sparks.
It may sound counter-intuitive, but one of the most important things a couple should figure out early on is how to fight fairly and effectively. Here’s what not do when you’re engaged in battle…. Keep reading »
You’ve got your favorite lip gloss, mints, and enough money to cover your share of dinner, but are there first-date essentials you’re forgetting to bring — or forgetting to leave at home? Learn from my mistakes and make sure these things are on your first-date checklist. Keep reading »
A good friend of mine recently reminded me of some advice I’d given her back in college. She was about to sleep with a new boyfriend for the first time and had been fretting about some body part. Apparently I shrugged and told her, “Please—boys are just happy to have a naked girl in the same room as them.”
I was kind of surprised and impressed when she told me I’d actually said these words. Over the years I have had pre-sex panic attacks over (in no particular order): my eyebrows, nasally voice, bad breath, body hair, belly roll(s), teeth, table manners, inner thighs… basically if I had it, I wasted valuable lady hours worrying about it. Keep reading »
Picture this: You’re single, you’re 42, and you’re determined to get a husband this year. But just how far would you go to meet your soul mate? Would you let the whole world know you are actively seeking out a life-long mate? That’s what 42-year-old Neenah Pickett is doing. She publicly announced she was looking for a man to put a ring on it, by creating a website called 52Weeks2FindHim.com. The site is completely devoted to her conquest to find a husband before the end of 2009. Pickett blogs daily, pondering about having children and reminding herself how amazing she is. She describes herself as a media consultant from New Jersey who’s religious and has an adventurous spirit. In order to find Mr. Right, Pickett plans to go on as many dates as possible. Even though we’re only a few days into 2009, she already has dates lined up, having received more than 100 emails from guys since the site launched.
Keep reading »