I have said and/or done the wrong thing so many times that it’s truly the eighth wonder of the world that I ever managed to trick anyone into dating me more than once. There was the time I fell off my chair and farted (loudly) just as my butt hit the ground. Or the guy I leapt away from as he tried to kiss me, gesturing frantically at the giant oozing cold sore on my lip. (I still don’t know how he missed that thing—I’m pretty sure it was visible on Google Earth.)
There are plenty other gems in my arsenal of embarrassment, but who hasn’t had a red-faced moment or ten? I used to beat myself up over these transgressions, but despite my occasionally questionable behavior, most of the men I’ve been out with have forgiven me quite cheerfully. In turn, I’ve turned a blind eye to their missteps and gaffes. What I’ve found is that it comes down to levels and limits. Here are some guidelines.
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After reading a recent report from the BBC stating that the current recession may have more negative than positive effects on our dating life, I started thinking about whether this was really true. Yes, money worries can be a huge obstacle to relationship building, but as the author of the report, relationship psychologist Susan Quillam, points out, surely animal attraction offers the most reliable and least expensive source of comfort when times get rough, right? Keep reading »
Ugh, ouch. Copious amounts of red wine and very, very, very tiny plates of food – genius way to get your date lubed up.
So, last night I went on a date with this guy – oh, let’s call him The Doodler, since he’s an artist – that a good guy friend of mine set me up with. While being set up with a friend of a friend has its drawbacks – like, what if the date goes terribly and you have to avoid each other in the future? – I really like getting that stamp of approval from someone I trust.
Before I get into the logistics of the date, a note about artsy guys. They are so much more attractive when they’re ambitious and gainfully employed, rather than starving and lazy. It also helps when they’re actually talented, which The Doodler is. Thank goodness. There’s nothing more awkward than dating someone whose art/music/writing you hate. Keep reading »
I waited five months before introducing my boyfriend, Andy, to my 3-year-old son. All the books and advice givers, including my therapist, suggested we meet at a public place; I chose the Children’s Museum of Manhattan and invited my mother to come along as a buffer. Keep reading »
Let’s be honest—first dates are horrible and humiliating experiences. Trying to do and say all the right things so that the other person doesn’t think you’re a complete freak is exhausting and no one likes trying to make small talk with a virtual stranger, no matter how good looking he or she might be. In fact, the cuter someone is, the more pressure there is to make a good first impression. Do make good jokes; don’t bring up politics or religion. Do wear a flattering yet appropriate outfit; don’t dress like a castoff from “Rock of Love.” Keep reading »
Ten years ago, former New York fashion model and girl about town Christie Nightingale was looking for a career change. She’d always done well at parties, was an ace at networking and had successfully set up several friends on dates. She clearly had the skills to be a matchmaker, but it wasn’t until a bona fide cupid family member encouraged her to investigate the field that she began to see it as a professional option for herself. Keep reading »
For the last few months I’ve been seeing someone – Chicken Parm, as he’s been referred to a few times already — that I met on the online dating site OK Cupid. I signed up for the site on a whim on New Years Day, as I was recovering from my hangover. New Years Eve was the last in a series of breakup milestones, as it would have been my fifth anniversary with my ex, and the first anniversary of our engagement.
I signed up for online dating because I felt officially ready to date again and what better place to find likeminded men than on an online dating site?! Chicken Parm sent me a message and his profile instantly intrigued me. Of the three adjectives he used to describe himself, one of them was “hungry.” I had wanted to describe myself as hungry too, but balked out of fear that it would imply I was hiding a huge ass beneath my head shot. His taste in music was a mix of artists I loved and stuff I’d never heard of, and a lot of hip-hop, which I adore. He was cute and he tanned well. Reply!
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The night’s going great, you can’t believe you’re hitting it off so well on a first date, he’s a great kisser, you take him home…
Whatever you do, don’t sleep with him. Keep reading »
Over at Nerve.com, Steve Almond takes on VH1′s “Rock of Love” and asserts the latest installment in the reality TV series, “Rock of Love Bus,” is, basically, pornography. According to Almond, the show is “eerily like a porn film,” absent, he says, feeling or intimacy, while everyone stands around groping and tonguing each other, nevertheless, and totally misogynist. But is “Rock of Love” misogynist — or reality? Keep reading »
In my twenties, I dated a guy who was 12 years older than me. In my thirties, I went in the other direction, dating a dude 11 years my junior. (Don’t you dare call me a cougar!) Although both ended rather badly, I feel like that while the gaping age difference didn’t directly cause either relationship’s demise, it certainly didn’t help. Mostly because I wasn’t very graceful about handling it.
So, learn from my mistakes. Whichever way your May/December relationship skews, there are certain pitfalls you should do your best to avoid. Keep reading »