Lately we’ve been talking a bit about breakups and the lessons we learn from relationships that have ended — but do men actually get more out of a “failed” relationship than women? A guy friend of mine, let’s call him Adam, says — and we’re both aware that this is generalization — that men are almost always better boyfriends in their next relationship than they were in the one that came before it. Hence the reason why women can sometimes be heard complaining, post-breakup, something along the lines of, “The girl who gets him next is getting all of the benefits of my hard work! He wasn’t this sensitive/emotional mature/considerate when we first started dating — I had to teach him all that! And now some other chick is going to get to enjoy all those things, having no idea that it was my doing. No fair!” C’mon, you know you’ve at least thought something similar about an ex. I know I have! Keep reading »
Hello there. You. Yes, you! I have something I would like to talk to you about.
It’s come up a couple of times recently and it’s gotten so irritating that I finally have to say something about it. I’m pretty sure you’re not even aware of what you’re doing or why it bothers me. So here it goes.
I would like you to ask me out on a freaking date. Keep reading »
Last week, Jennifer Doll offered a familiar lament in the pages of the Village Voice: “Dear Single Women of NYC: It’s Not Them, It’s You.” Though her focus is on New York, Doll could have been describing almost any large American city in which the number of single, straight, employed, and emotionally competent men is apparently dwarfed by the number of women who want to meet them.
The “man shortage” is a perennial go-to for articles aimed at women readers; these pieces differ mainly in the degree to which they blame the crisis on women’s ambition, pickiness, or sexual aggressiveness. Keep reading »
His emails are always filled with their/there/they’re mistakes, but you never say anything. A friend asks you both a question about, say, what’s going on in Egypt and you have a strong opinion, but you let your boyfriend respond. Date night involves watching a high-brow French film and you just nod your head politely as he explains the movie’s complicated message, even though you understood it perfectly fine on your own, thank you. You are also capable of assembling a piece of Ikea furniture on your own, but you ask for his help anyway, because it makes him feel manly. These are all examples of what journalist Liz Jones, writing in the Daily Mail U.K., would call Silly Me Syndrome (SMS), which “happens when a woman dumbs herself down so as not to offend the man in her life. It is something we learn to do at a very early age, because women are born smarter than men.” You know, “Oh, silly me. I forgot what nine times seven is again.” Keep reading »
“There was (and still is) something wrong with me. And it’s the same thing that’s ‘wrong’ with pretty much every single woman in New York complaining she can’t find a decent man … We don’t know what we want. And so we want a little bit of everything, over and over again.”
Jennifer Doll’s words on the plight of the NYC single woman in the Village Voice last week have been keeping me awake at night. She’s right. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I’m rendered inert by my confusion. I’m stuck. Keep reading »