Tag Archives: dating

Dear Wendy: “My Fiancé Has Cold Feet”

I am in my mid-twenties, currently engaged to and living with a man I love and respect very much. We got engaged after only nine months, and in total, we’ve only been together for a little over a year. His proposal was a total shock; I was perfectly happy to just be together without rushing things, but I have to admit, it feels right to be going ahead with this. About a week ago, when I brought up marriage plans over dinner, my fiancé got visibly upset, and started talking about how “some couples just don’t ever get married” and how he thinks that’s a good way to go. He also started talking about changing the wedding plans to something much smaller than we had discussed. He later even talked about putting the wedding off indefinitely. He assured me that he’s very much in love with me, and it’s not the thought of marrying ME that’s putting him off, but the idea of losing his independence and stagnating after he gets married. I want to reassure him and talk it over, but part of me thinks he probably just needs to stew over it for awhile (I did the same thing, to a lesser degree). My question is, do I give him his space to just work it out? How much space? At what point does it make sense to call off the engagement? I feel silly being engaged with no wedding on the horizon. Regardless, I’m still committed; I just need to know where I/we stand so I can make life plans. Advice? — Bride in Question

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5 Things I Plan On Doing With My Time Now That I’m Not Dating Or Drinking

Here’s the thing about drinking — it’s a multi-tasking activity and it makes lots of things even better. Here are just some things I really enjoy doing with a glass of wine in my hand:

  1. Taking a hot bath while reading a gossip magazine
  2. Liveblogging award shows and “The Bachelor”
  3. Cooking and eating
  4. Playing fetch with my dog in our building’s long hallway (since our apartment is small and it’s too cold for the dog park right now)
  5. Reading in bed

For the record, these are all frequent activities in my life and I will miss my friend Vino when I am doing them during this period of sobriety. Because I’m also giving up men — particularly the dating and sexing of them — I know I need to find new activities to put my energy into, especially things that wouldn’t be improved by, say, my favorite cocktail of Cristalino champagne and grapefruit juice. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Baby Daddy Is An Alcoholic. Should I MOA?”

My boyfriend (he would be a fiancé, but I turned him down) and I have been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years, and we have a 16-month-old daughter together. We’ve had problems in our relationship from almost the beginning. Every time I try to move on, he always coaxes me into staying (saying “we’re a family,” he loves me, “we’ll work on our relationship,” etc.). Most of our issues stem from his drinking. He’s English, and so he’s always spent loads of time in the pub, however, he’s being irresponsible, and only recently have I figured out he’s a functioning alcoholic. He says he’ll come home sober, but he keeps choosing not to (he can’t say no to another pint). Recently our arguments have started getting worse, and it’s getting physical. He refuses to go to couple’s counseling, and I’ve never been more alone in my life than I am in this relationship with him! I think on some level I do love him, but I feel that our daughter is more important. I don’t want her to grow up thinking that our nuclear family unit is normal. Should I MOA or try and stick it out, and focus just on my daughter and myself (only including him when he’s not drinking)? — Girlfriend of a Drunk

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Girl Talk: I Am Going On A Sex/Dating/Drinking Sabbatical

After much thought and Advil, I have decided I am going on a sex/dating and drinking sabbatical. I went on a six-month sex sabbatical after my breakup from my fiance a few years ago — or, rather, I announced I was going on a six-month sex sabbatical and then it lasted for, I think, around two. It wasn’t a complete failure, in other words. Hilariously, I went on a sex sabbatical because all of my efforts to get laid were being thwarted and I figured I might as well decide to NOT have sex with a purpose.

Meanwhile, I have never taken a significant break from drinking. I didn’t start drinking until I was in college — I believe most people start in high school, so I was a late bloomer in more ways than one — and I remember the night I got drunk the first time as well as you can possibly remember a hazy night 13 years ago. The amount and frequency of my drinking has gone up and down over the years, but I generally consider myself to be a responsible boozer. I don’t drink and drive (easy when you don’t have a car!), I don’t say things I don’t mean, and, for the most part, I don’t do things I actually regret. Keep reading »

Why Isn’t Online Dating Working For Me?

Dear Dating Mom:

I’ve been using this “wink” feature on this online dating site. Problem is I never hear back from the men I send them to. What am I doing wrong?

Signed,

I’m just asking for a reply not a ring. Read more Keep reading »

Dater X: What If I Already Know My Green Zebra?

Ten years ago, after flicking my mortarboard in the air at college graduation, my best friend and I embarked on a rite of passage backpacking-through-Europe trip. Together, we traveled through France, Italy, Austria, Germany, and the Czech Republic, buckling under the weight of our backpacks and taking extra croissants from continental breakfasts at hostels in hopes that they’d last us through lunch. By day, we overdosed on museums and took roll upon roll of photos at historical sights. By night, we headed to plazas and parks to chug bottles of wine outdoors—something you can’t do here unless you want to get a ticket—and have deep conversations with people our age, both locals and fellow travelers. I was single for the trip, but somehow managed not to hook up once the entire month. I remember sulking about this fact at the time.

Fast forward to today, when an email popped up my inbox from my travel companion. She was forwarding me a message from some guy with an ultra Eastern European last name. Keep reading »

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