Last week, I went on a date. I haven’t been on a date in two years, owing to the relationship I was in that recently ended, and it was the most nerve wracking experience since the first day of high school. I tried on, like, six different outfits. I spent an hour and a half showering and doing my hair and makeup. As I walked to the restaurant where we’d agreed to meet for dinner, I forced myself to take long, deep breaths of the cold February air to calm down. It only kind of worked.
There’s no question my two-year relationship changed me from being the kind of girl who would sleep with two different men in one weekend just to have fun to a “relationship girl.” I feel like my wild oats were thoroughly sown — which is a good thing! — and that I matured a lot in the past few years. After the security, intimacy and love that I had with Ex-Mr. Jessica, I don’t think I could go backwards to being the rowdy girl I was before. At least right now, hopping in and out of bed with different dudes for fun just plain doesn’t interest me.
But I don’t know if I can do the exact opposite, either. The idea of dating someone seriously again, with the intention a relationship, is seriously daunting. Remember, I was dumped only a little over a month ago. Dipping my pinky toe into dating again — albeit briefly — has only shown me it’s too soon: I am still way, way, waaaay too messed up by all the things Ex-Mr. Jessica did to me to do this. Keep reading »
It may be time for us to stop complaining about how men are such commit-o-phobes and women are all gunning to get hitched and make babies. A new Match.com survey of more than 5,000 people, ages 21 to 65, of all races, sexual orientations, and socio-economic levels, found that more men are looking for attachment and commitment than their gender stereotypes would lead us to believe. Men reported experiencing love at first sight and wanting kids more often than their female counterparts. So, what do the women want while the men are catching up on their rom-coms? We want our independence, dammit! Women value good jobs, separate bank accounts, and girls-only vacays more than ever before. And motherhood? About half of the women surveyed did not believe that women should be primary caregivers for kids. In short, women are becoming more like men. Gender stereotypes be damned. [Live Science] Keep reading »
One month back on the dating scene and I’ve gone on three dates; well, I don’t know if you can call them dates. More accurately, I’ve had dinner with three men. The first was a friend who I thought I might have feelings for. The next, with a guy I met on the subway. And the third happened last night. I walked into a restaurant to have dinner with the man who I thought was going to be my date only to discover that he had a shiny, gold wedding band on his left hand. News to me. Keep reading »
Valentine’s Day is a minefield. Whether you’re single or hooked-up the potential for misery is high because, much like New Year’s Eve, it rarely lives up to its reputation.
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“Do you love her?” I finally asked my ex in the midst of our screaming match last late night. He paused for a minute. I could hear him breathing deeply over the phone line, slow and steady—he could have been at a yoga studio, contorted and wearing orange spandex, or practicing Lamaze breathing for the birth of his first child. Instead, he was verbally (and angrily) tracing the end of our relationship. The truth of his new relationship had been so obscured in various manipulations, that despite approaching a year of us not dating I really had no idea where “they” were.
“Yes,” he said, and my heart grew very still. Somewhere after he listed the third or fourth reason why she was better than me, I interrupted, “Stop. Just. Stop. I can’t do this with you anymore.” I hung up the phone, curled up in bed, and went to sleep. Keep reading »