When John Mayer’s supremely ignorant Playboy interview hit the wires, I, like most people, was appalled. Not just by his idiotic racism, but by the way he spoke about his exes. I mean, the dude compared Jessica Simpson to crack! Said she was like “sexual napalm!” What a jerk! I mean, how indiscreet!
I watched Jessica Simpson tell Oprah that no, she hadn’t forgiven him for his big fat mouth and was disappointed that he’d sunk so low. I harrumphed, “You go, Jessica!” as I high-fived my TV screen.
Then I recalled how many times I’d blabbed about exes. I’ve been writing about relationships, often my own, for the past 10 years. In that time, I’ve done some serious dishing—and dissing. The truth is, most of my recountings were far less flattering than what John had to say about Jessica.
My name is Judy and I am a hypocrite. Keep reading »
I was sitting at brunch last weekend eating greasy eggs with one of my guy friends. “So, how’s the love life?” I asked.
“Eh,” Tom replied shrugging his shoulders.
“What? You’re not hunting and fishing?” I asked, doing my best Patti Stanger impression.
“Nah, it’s not that,” he said. “It’s just that dating is so … so expensive.” Expensive? That’s a new one. And sadly I’ve been hearing a lot of guys say it lately. What’s up with that? It shouldn’t be too expensive to date. Keep reading »
This new Japanese gadget supposedly will determine a blind date’s age so you don’t have to ask them. The Age Prediction Machine emits a high-frequency buzzing sound similar to that of a mosquito, with the noise levels corresponding to age ranges — teens, 20s, 30s, and 40 and over. Supposedly, the quieter the sound, the younger the person. Although age is a touchy subject in the U.S., I can’t see this gadget being useful here. Most people I know won’t agree to go on a blind date without knowing the person’s particulars, and age is a big detail. However, it’s cool that the creators of the Age Prediction Machine are getting some buzz over here. Heh. [Impact Lab] Keep reading »
We were laying side by side, both face deep in our iPhones—checking our email one last time before going to sleep, setting our alarm clocks for the next morning, basically saying goodbye to the day. I turned to him, his face lit by the tiny screen, and watched him scroll through his Facebook newsfeed.
“Anything exciting?” I asked.
“My cousin really loves Drew Barrymore. Check out the exclamation marks.”
“Should we change our relationship status?” I asked, as if that were the natural follow-up. Keep reading »
Dating. It’s the nightmare from which you never wake up. Why do we do it? Because it’s the best way to find the guy we want to marry. And why do we want to get married? So we never have to date again. Find out the seven types of guys you’re more than likely to end up dating along the way. Don’t say we didn’t warn you, girlfriend. Keep reading »
It took me three days to come up with a witty and grammatically correct text to send to Scrappy Bathroom Boy (not the best nickname I realize), the guy I’d met at the Prescription Cocktail Club last Saturday. Why is it so hard to find my personality in this language? I wondered as I made revision after revision of the message in French. Finally, on Tuesday, I trashed my drafts and went for something simple and direct: “It was nice meeting you. Sorry, I just wasn’t up for the late night thing last Saturday, but would have liked to join you and your friends. If you want, maybe we can get a drink sometime this week.” Phew! My heart raced as I sent it off. I couldn’t help holding back a smile at the thought of finally going on a date. When was the last time I had been on one? It had to be early November with American Boy. November. Jesus. Keep reading »
I was having a conversation with one of my single female friends the other day—in fact, I was having the conversation with her, since it’s one that I seem to have with all the single women I know at some point or another. We were trying to figure out what kind of guy she should go for, who would make her happy for the long haul and where she should find him.
But how can you tell who’s going to be a good guy? Beats me. Some of my best male friends, whom of course I consider to be excellent guys, have been known to just stop calling girls when they get tired of the relationship. No breakup, no explanation, no good-bye, just silence. How could they possibly do that? Keep reading »
What’s your type? Tall, dark and handsome, with a good sense of humor? Yeah, right.
According to a new poll, women may say that’s what they want, but what they really get hot for is a slightly chunky, hairy guy with a propensity to cry during movies. Or so 2,500 women told one polling firm. The data collected by OnePoll.com found that “a little stubble” is women’s number one turn-on, followed by a “geeky” personality and a hairy chest. (Gray hair and crying during movies were also among the secret peccadilloes.) Women also admitted to preferring a dude who is soft and cuddly versus one who is totally ripped.
Is your unconventional type in the list? Read more … Keep reading »
“The Bachelor…On the Wings of Love…The Women Tell All” is a very long title, and it was a very long show. We saw, in two hours, how past contestants get drunk on Bachelor “reunion cruises,” how they give back to charity, and—as host Chris Harrison kept saying—how exactly the “biggest TV scandal of 2010″ went down, i.e., how contestant Rozlyn Papa got busy with a nameless producer (we’re talking making out, probably with tongue) before both were kicked off the show.
So, yes, the women told all, Rozlyn denied everything, and who knows how many production assistants burnt their fingers lighting a hundred, or a thousand tea lights. Much to our surprise, however, the show yielded some heartfelt, real-world dating tips that could help all of us find love. Read more … Keep reading »
I make no apologies for having dated a vast collection of maniacs, freaks, weirdos and losers. Sometimes—OK, often—I’m embarrassed when one of these ghosts from The Dark Years pops up, but mostly I look at my romantic history as a protracted, occasionally painful, thankfully non-contagious, learning experience.
It’s easy (for me, anyway) to look back and blame the men I was dating for making me miserable and/or breaking my heart, but the reality is, I’m the one who chose to go there. A good friend once told me that I had a gift of seeing the good hiding inside a person whereas everyone else saw the freakazoid they were on the outside. She meant it as a compliment, but the fact is, even the biggest a**hole on the planet has some little chunk of good floating around inside them. It’s not such a positive trait that I was blind to the crap for the tiny diamond inside. Keep reading »