If a woman asks a man out on a date, she is not obligated to buy dinner. I just wanted to clear that up.
Life is all too brief a cosmic commercial break to spend it sending telepathic messages to crushes old and new. In medieval times, sure. ‘Twas the men who came calling. But those were the days when women were dragon bait. We live in modern times, so hurry up and ask that special man/bartender/skeeball competitor out. And, again, don’t worry about the bill. I’ve actually been asked this question. The dude will take care of it because that’s what dudes do. There are some things the male of the species will always be in charge of, like bear defense. You know what else? Buying dinner on the first date. (Dear Testicles: She’s going to spend time and money getting her hot on anyway.) Keep reading »
I used to be defined by one singular character: ambition. As early as 9th grade, I knew that I wanted to be a journalist who wrote long-form investigative articles. And for nine or 10 years, everything about my life was focused around that one goal: where I went to school, how I spent my “free” time, who my friends were, even whom I dated. It’s not an exaggeration to say my drive consumed my life — and I was perfectly OK, even pleased, with that. I seriously believed that at long last I would finally be happy when people bought magazines with my writing in them.
The thing is, ambition for ambition’s sake turns out to be a hollow way to live one’s life. It’s a means to an end, of course, but considering that the target you are shooting for is constantly shifting, it can also be exhausting. Don’t misunderstand me: I’m proud of my accomplishments — articles I’ve written, interviews I’ve conducted, maybe a few lives I’ve affected. But if I could go back in time and change a few things, I just might do it.
And the first thing that I would change? I would not have dated so many men whose careers I envied. Life is hard enough when you’re putting unreasonable expectations on yourself to succeed, but it’s damn near impossible when you’re comparing yourself to someone you’re sleeping with. Keep reading »
Matchmaker and dating coach Rachel Greenwald is responsible for 750 marriages, and she doesn’t believe you will find the love of your life by waiting for him/her to spontaneously appear in line at the grocery store or sit next to you on the subway. Darn. There goes my approach. This Harvard M.B.A. and New York Times best-selling author advocates a better way—being proactive and approaching your dating life like a job search. “Sure, there has to be an intersection of luck, timing, and opportunity, to find love,” she says, “But you increase your odds when you do something about it. If you have a strategic organized plan, something will come through faster.” So, uh, what should this plan be? Her new book—Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 Guys About What Makes Them Fall in Love … Or Never Call Back—hits bookstores today and has some ingenious ideas for us. I had the opportunity to chat with Rachel and get a singles state of the union. After the jump, eight interesting tips I learned. Keep reading »
This weekend, I joined an online dating site for the third time in a year. Every time I meet someone new and start dating him, I end up deleting my account. Maybe this is the kiss of death, actually. Maybe the next time I meet someone, I should keep my online dating profile active, as a signal to the universe that I am not about to be fooled into thinking I found someone long-term.
I’ve only been on the site (again) for a few days, so I have no dates to report on, but I have noticed a new trend among my matches. Apparently, online dating is now a great way to meet and ask out people you already know. Keep reading »
As much as American girls may complain about the state of dating, sex, courtship, and guys, at least we can read the signals on our own home turf. (Whether we want to believe them is a different matter.)
But over here in Paris, where the word “dating” literally does not exist in the French vocabulary, understanding male/female relationships is all the more confusing. The issue here is that French men and romance are traditionally stereotyped (just like American women, or any romantic situations for that matter). The way things are “supposed to be”: If a French dude kisses you, it means he’s fallen for you, and there’s no pretense, and a week later you’re buying toothbrushes for each other and making love to accordion music on a bed of croissants. But, when things don’t magically become this clear-cut, the confusion sets in, and there’s no rhyme or reason to actions because … well, there’s no standard dating code of conduct.
Where this leaves me at the moment is wondering if I got the brush-off, or what comes next (if there even is a “next”). Keep reading »
It’s not news that sexual fluidity has been working its way into the mainstream. We all know the girl who experimented in college and then went back to guys, or the middle-aged woman who left her husband for some turquoise artisan in Taos named Deborah.
Both seem to be examples of the stronger sexual preference winning out in the end. But more and more, it’s becoming acceptable for women to “hop the fence” — that is, to make the occasional gender switch-up in casual sex and in long-term relationships. I know, ’cause I’m one of ‘em. Read more … Keep reading »
There are many different ways to kiss your lover, and all of them can communicate something different about what or how you’re feeling. Here’s a field guide to the major types of kisses, and what you’re saying with each of them. Keep reading »
There’s been a lot of talk lately about settling for Mr. Good Enough, due to Lori Gottlieb’s newest book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. Despite the book’s provocative subtitle, however, Gottlieb’s latest opus isn’t really about settling. Rather, it’s a case for maintaining an open mind when considering new men, instead of nitpicking over inconsequential surface details. Which is why we put together a list of the 10 deal breakers that … well … shouldn’t really be considered deal breakers. Keep reading »