What would you do if you wound up single on what was to be one of the most special days of your life—your wedding day? My friend Desiree did something remarkable and revolutionary: instead of hiding away, she marched boldly into a proud new future, and in the process became an inspiration to me and, hopefully, some of you as well.
On a recent Sunday, when I would have been attending her wedding to a man, I stood on Bow Bridge in Central Park and witnessed Desiree get married—to herself. A circle of her friends surrounded her while her cousin officiated, reciting vows she had written for herself, which included the lines, “I will make my happiness a priority and forgive myself when I’m not perfect. I will trust myself and stand within the power of my own strength. I will love myself forever more, through good and bad, thick and thin, and for exactly who I am today. I promise I will never, ever, ever, settle for less than what my heart and soul desire.”
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Women are always writing blog posts about the types of men who shouldn’t be dated, like overgrown frat boys, mole people, and men who still bathe with their mothers. Well, two can play at that game! I see your stereotype and raise you a bunch! Here are the types of women no man should date.
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Picture this. You’re surrounded by demons in the mist of an enchanted forest. The Pirate King Sirron has overtaken the portal to Hell and has, through dark magic, bent Demogorgon the Demon Prince to his will. The full force of the Underworld is against you. You, a strong bull-man Paladin Knight, accompanied by a Dwarf, a Cleric, an Elf and a Sorcerer (respectively named Ryan, Phil, George and Steve). This, my friends, is Dungeons & Dragons.
Perhaps this is not where you’d expect to find a bright, bubbly, blonde, violently-sexy and overly-confident comedian. But a few months back, I found myself in this very scenario, sitting in a room full of nerds. One of three girls in the whole place—and the only one that looked like she’d been out of her apartment in the past three months—I realized that, by default, I was an absolute babe. Whoa, I thought to myself. I am the Megan Fox of Dungeons & Dragons right now.
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All Jill wants is true love, and she’s willing to pay big to make it happen. Jill, you see, is the owner of Extensions by Jill, a hairstyling salon in New York City’s East Village. And she’s offering her clients a very special deal. If you set her up on a date, she’ll give you 20 percent off her services. If the date goes well, you get another 2o percent off. If she and the guy you set her up with really hit it off — like, wedding bells hit it off — you get free hair services for life. Not a bad plan, and she’s made this video, with very soft Barbara Walters lighting, to prove it.
As Jill explains it, she’s looking for a smart, funny guy who’s the perfect mix between Stephen Colbert and Jeff Goldblum. That shouldn’t be too hard to find, right? So ladies, do we know anybody for Jill? And what’s the craziest deal you’ve ever made to get set up? [Hair For Love]
Ladies, if you ever start to date a guy who fits one of the descriptions in this slideshow, be wary: these six guys come with baggage. But wouldn’t you know it, women aren’t always gentler when it comes to relationship heartbreak, so we’ve thrown in six types of women who won’t make dudes happy either. We’ve got all your backs.