I am an attractive writer, divorced for almost four years. For as long as I can remember, I have never been at a loss for male attention. Since my separation, I have dated plenty of guys. But, the only guys I seem to attract who are not paralyzed by the idea of even commitment-lite are already married to someone else!
For my entire dating life, I have shied away from appearing needy, bitter, or desperate because those three qualities make my skin crawl. I have had a good number of great first dates where we seem to click on many levels. Yet, at some point, same guy will shift to texts and phone calls, evading a second or maybe third meet.
I am not ready to give up. I enjoy the company of men. And I do really want to be in a loving relationship with someone available. Especially since I had a 15 year marriage of convenience — for timing and “appropriateness” more than affection, sex, or love.
So, am I destined to be Kryptonite for commitment? Or can I change my game plan of appearing independent? – Beth
Beth, your email contains equal parts heartbreak and hope. In that order.
Commitment is the tragic ambition of all humans. We seek it constantly. We yearn for unconditional love. But when the wrong person asks it of US? Eww. Gross. Go away. Why the fuck do we do this to each other? Why do we take the risk of breaking our hearts, and those of others, over and over again, looking for this ineffable thing called commitment? Keep reading »
I’m happy to report that things are, for the first time in a long time, going well in my love life. In fact, they’re really great. Over the last month and a half, Officer Handsoming and I have hit upon pretty much every “getting to know you,” milestone appropriate for a six-week courtship, making this the most “normal” relationship I’ve been in for a long while. He wasn’t rushing to jump into bed with me, he didn’t ghost me after a couple of weeks, and most importantly, he doesn’t seem to exhibit any signs of having another girlfriend (a huge plus after the hell I went through with Patrick Bateman). Keep reading »
You know the type: single, smart, funny, cute … and totally terrified of even talking about getting serious. If you’ve ever heard yourself saying, “He’d be a good boyfriend but…” we’re on the same page.
Take Zac Efron, Miles Teller and Michael B. Jordan in the upcoming comedy “That Awkward Moment.” While their smooth pickup lines and rotating cast of bedmates would suggest otherwise, Jason, Daniel and Mikey are really big ol’ softies. Sound like any guys you’ve encountered in your dating travails? Thought so. Using these characters as examples, and assessing their pros and cons, let’s see how much boyfriend potential they really have. Keep reading »
I am the oldest of four girls, a pack of sisters who descend in age like uneven stair steps, from 31 to 29 to 26 to 23. As the eldest of this pack, I am a consummate older sister — bossy, with a tendency towards lecturing, and a fondness for teaching “lessons.” In the context of my family, this dynamic has its place. The traditional roles of birth order are said to be fluid, but mine never is. I am eternally a big sister, and this dynamic has bled into my love life. Keep reading »
So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our new weekly column, Life After Dating, we’ll discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.
When I was single, I spent a lot of time talking about my sexual exploits with friends: his penis-to-ball ratio, how chipper of a mood he was in the morning after, whether or not I wanted to “hit that again.” It was one of the fun — well, maybe more necessary than fun — parts of being single. When I had flings or dating stints, all that was left when the dude was out of my life were the war stories. There was a soothing pleasure in finding a way to make my friends (and myself) laugh about how he did little more than jackhammer my vagina to death with his huge penis and in the morning, ask me to turn my shower on for him because it was “too hard to figure out.” I was the circus clown making singledom palatable for the crowd. Honestly, when I was single, if I didn’t find humor in my sex life, I would have been a very sad clown. Keep reading »
Looking for a new flame? Then you should seriously consider heating up your love life by dating a firefighter.
Firefighters are trained problem solvers, incredibly courageous, completely selfless, and look damn good shirtless. A man who is brave enough to run into a burning building will surely be able to protect you from life’s smaller threats (like mice). Need more convincing? For a list of reasons to hook yourself a firefighter read more on Your Tango…
My most recent online date was pretty bad. The guy told a date rape joke, loudly criticized anyone who dared brush up against him at the bar, and went on a rant about hating fat people. But at least he didn’t text me a picture of his asshole afterwards. The same cannot be said for Kristin Wiig’s date, who accompanied her to a taping of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” after she accidentally double-booked. Awkward. (Also, if Kristen Wiig is my OK Cupid competition, I’m even more screwed.)
“Any Patrick Bateman news?” I jokingly asked my friends Rick and Beth.
“Last time I heard anything about Patrick Bateman was right before his wedding,” said Rick.
I nearly choked on my water. “HE’S MARRIED?! TO WHO?” He and Beth exchanged an “oh shit, we thought she knew” look.
“That girl. The other one he was dating when you guys got back together,” added Rick sheepishly.
The sound of boozy patrons, loud jazz music, silverware clinking against plates seemed to come to a screeching halt while I tried to register what I’d just heard: my lying, cheating ex-boyfriend, Patrick Bateman, tied the knot. Keep reading »
Technically, there are four seasons, but I like to think of Winter and The Holidays as two distinct entities. The Holidays are their own special thing — a whirlwind of lights and fun and being hungover at the office on a Wednesday. The Holidays end with a splash, making a champagne fountain and entering the New Year clutching the hands of your friends, or making out with that dude you winked at, then cornered at midnight. After the dust settles, the fog lifts, everyone starts to make their way back to their regularly scheduled lives — that is Winter.
Winter is long, it is the interminable darkness of three to four months until Memorial Day weekend. Winter is losing gloves on the subway and runny noses, and spending time alone because it’s too cold to get anyone to leave their house. Winter is a time for introspection, reflection, eating a lot of cookies, and falling into a state of weird, depressive hermitude that may lead you to consider the Winter Boyfriend. Keep reading »
If you haven’t downloaded the LuLu app, go do it. Right now. Seriously, I’ll wait.
LuLu is the craziest thing I have seen since Tinder (and that’s saying something). Basically, every man who has ever existed on Facebook is on here for women to judge. Yes, for women to judge. Mainly it’s for hook ups—but friends can also go on and rate their friends if they want to give them a boost. Otherwise, you find the person you want to date or have pieced up, and you answer a series of questions. Read more on College Candy…