I’ve gotten myself into a miserable situation with a good friend, who I’ll call Dave. We’ve known each other since we were kids and as we’ve gotten older, we’ve become close. I’ve always felt there was something more to us, but was never really sure, so I chalked it up to being bored with the lack of romance in my life. About a year ago, Dave made it obvious that he felt the same. The fact that we had been drinking and that he was recently single made me think that it wasn’t the best idea at the time. I explained that if our hookup wasn’t going to be anything substantial, it wasn’t worth risking our friendship over and he (glumly) agreed. The only problem is, he hasn’t dropped the idea. He’s now in a serious relationship but he still brings the idea of “us” up from time to time and at this point I have no idea what to do. I care about him a lot, more than I’ve been able to admit to anyone because I’m terrified that it could lead to something ending terribly. My girlfriends have told me that this situation is a waste of time, that if he really wanted to be with me he would and I wouldn’t be in this limbo and that I need to move on. They also say that if he talks to me like this while he’s in a relationship, is he even trustworthy? While my head thinks they could be right, my heart is torn. I worry that they’re right, but the thought of not being close with him anymore is devastating. How do I make this stop?
You talk a lot about your fears, but, honey, your fears are already happening.
You said you’re afraid of risking the friendship. Once mutual attraction was openly discussed, the friendship was compromised. You said you’re afraid of it ending terribly. Well, it doesn’t sound like it’s going that great right now, otherwise you wouldn’t have written me. Lastly, you said you’re afraid of not being close to him. It sounds like there’s already heavy distrust and mixed signals flying around left and right. Welcome to your nightmare! Keep reading »
Hands down, my absolute favorite person to talk to about dating and basically every other carnal-related topic is My Straight Single Dude BFF. As his name suggests, he is also single and straight and we often turn to each other for advice, a second opinion and to share dating/sexual war stories, mostly via text because we don’t live in the same city. (And yes, before you even ask, because I know you will ask or suggest as much, we have slept together before, eons ago, but ultimately it was just a fun, casual thing that solidified our belief that the other person is going to make someone else very happy someday.) My Straight Single Dude BFF and I like and respect each other a lot and our candid conversations give me serious insight into the way men think — not all men, but men at least “like him,” who are, to quote Dan Savage, good, giving and game, genuinely try to do the right thing, and don’t have bullshit expectations of women. And on occasion, with his permission, I’m going to post snapshots from our text messages. Starting with a little exchange we had this weekend about being a dick when you dump someone. Keep reading »
It’s been a few years since I’ve seen a therapist, but with the new year comes new self-discovery. Just last week, I bit my ring fingernail down to a three-centimeter stub and decided it would probably be in my best interest (and my fingernails’ best interest) to tackle some of the anxiety I’ve been having head-on. I was ready, yet again, to have my head shrunk. Keep reading »
You’re off on a romantic ski weekend. You’ve never skied, or you’re not very good, but your chivalrous man-toy has promised to teach you. You’ve zipped your butt into a brand new pair of powder-blue skin-tight pants, your eyeliner is perfect and you’ve bought the perfect pair of goggles to wear on your helmet: this is going to be baller. Keep reading »
There are certain types of guys that women find irresistible, even if we know that those men are no good. Can you blame us? Everybody loves a bad boy, but the troublemakers are only the tip of the iceberg. There are plenty of other types of guys that women should avoid dating at all costs. Take our word for it — your love life will be a whole lot better. Read more on Tres Sugar…
Ever embracing modernity, the New York Times published one hell of a wedding announcement this weekend, about a New York couple that found love the second time around. But for these 40-year-olds, they found their second marriages in an entirely millennial way: Tinder. Keep reading »