I bet when you woke up this morning, it did not occur to you that it would ever be possible for you to bang that dude from “Buffalo ’66,” or to have his sperm implanted in you for the purpose of having his baby. As it turns out, my friend, you were wrong.
As it turns out, there is a Vincent Gallo Merchandise site where he sells such services. So, if you have $50,000 lying around and would like to spend that money on sexing Vincent Gallo up, this — apparently — can be arranged. It also turns out that Vincent Gallo is pretty damned racist. I didn’t know that. Then again, I think the last time I gave any thought to him was about 10 years ago. Keep reading »
The greatest struggle in my life is the desire to not eat after 9:00 p.m. (as recommended by nutritionists, doctors, and that one ex-boyfriend who dumped me for “having the penchant to become chubby one day”) — a healthy life habit that is a complete antithesis to my other healthy life habit: smoking a j before bed, marveling at how fluffy alternative down comforters are despite not being made from real goose down, and trying to avoid the magnetic pull to graze on anything and everything inside the stainless steel best friend that lives in my kitchen. Enter my new lord and savior, Bethenny Frankel. Keep reading »
“What if I fall in love with somebody and they die?”
Finally, somebody who shares my fears! Keep reading »
Our Lady Of The Whistle Register, Mariah Carey, is packing up her furs, her gloves, Nick Cannon’s undershirts and #dembabies and setting up shop at The Colosseum in Las Vegas, according to ABC News. She announced the news on today on “The Ellen Show.” Here’s what we know so far: It will be called “Mariah Carey #1s” and will be a medley of all of her biggest hits, including “Hero”, “Dreamlover” and all the other songs you belt at home when no one’s watching. Tickets go on sale today, and her residency starts on May 6. To celebrate, please enjoy the clip of Mariah casually running through the notes only a dolphin can hear, above. [ABC News]