I definitely don’t consider myself an expert on marriage, but by virtue of being a semi-expert on celebrity marriages — with an emphasis in “rumors surrounding the cause of their demise” — I have learned some valuable lessons about matrimony. For example, part of figuring out your compatibility in the long-term with your potential spouse requires asking a few simple but crucial questions. Questions these seven celeb brides failed to ask. Don’t make the same mistake!
A gig as a Playboy playmate means money for a brand new smile. Lindsay Lohan got her prematurely aging teeth whitened. “Thanks Dr. Dorfman for the zoom… My gums are so sore though!” she tweeted of her transformation. If only she could get all of her other problems “zoomed.” [Huffington Post]
Well, the love story of Kim Kardashian and, uh, that one guy whose name we barely bothered to remember, has come to a conclusion. Kardashian is filing for divorce, allegedly because her basketball playing husband, Kris Humphries, wanted to live in Minnesota, while she, of course, cannot imagine leaving the paparazzi-filled streets of Hollywood. Kardashian released a statement, saying:
After careful consideration, I have decided to end my marriage. I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision. I had hoped this marriage was forever, but sometimes things don’t work out as planned. We remain friends and wish each other the best.
Indeed, it probably wasn’t in the plan to end their marriage quite this soon, but Kim luckily has nearly $18 million in crisp dollar bills she made off the wedding to mop up her tears. (Unless, of course, she actually decides to follow any of our suggestions and donates her bounty to a good cause.)
Married for only 72 days, Kim’s (second!) marriage joins a long line of short celeb marriages. Keep clicking to see some of the other speedy celebrity marriages that met an early demise.
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“Man, I just keep going on horrible dates. I’m like, ‘There’s not enough wine in the world for me to enjoy this.’ … I actually had a guy say to me—and I hope he sees this because he is so ridiculous—he said, ‘I can’t believe I’m on a date with Kelly Clarkson.’ And under my breath I was like, ‘Wow, I can’t either.’ … Some days I think, ‘I’ll meet him. Everybody finds somebody,’ and other days I’m like, ‘Maybe I won’t. Maybe I just missed the memo.’”
– Kelly Clarkson tells Parade why she’s single (and not a lesbian). God, can I relate to this. Especially the part about there not being enough wine in the world. You know it’s gonna be a bad date when you’ve inhaled your first glass in five minutes. I want to tell her she’ll find someone, but I can’t make any guarantees. [Daily Mail UK]