Dear Jared Leto,
J-Rod, let’s talk. I’ve followed your career and your cheekbones and your 1000-yard stare ever since you were a flannel-wearing, illiterate teenage wastrel on “My So Called Life.” Your turn as Jordan Catalano — (“Y Kant Jordan Read?,” never forget) — the frustratingly vacant love interest of Angela Chase (remember how darling Claire Danes was before Latisse?) broke a million teenage girl hearts. Which is why I find it especially egregious that you’ve grown up to be the Jared Leto that you are today. The douche-y, guyliner-wearing Jared Leto that fronts MTV2 mainstay band 30 Seconds to Mars and insists on dressing like an utter and complete tool.
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If there was ever any doubt about Dr. Drew Pinsky’s legitimacy as a doctor, let this video be proof that we should continue to hold him in the highest esteem! Dr. Drew invited underage bride Courtney Stodden and her old-as-f**k husband, Doug Hutchison, on his show, “Lifechangers,” recently, to defend their pumpkin patch PDA. But while they were there, Courtney also wanted to put some rumors to rest — namely that her enormous breasts are real and not implants. (Courtney is a big proponent of the natural look, as you can see from the buckets of eye shadow, frosted lip gloss, and spray-tanned abs.) So, Dr. Drew pulled out the exam table he has available at all times because he is a doctor, and had an exam conducted on stage. Courtney even wore one of those paper gowns! The verdict: her boobs are real. Case closed! I can’t wait until next week’s pap smear. So educational.