Stripper lovin’ Charlie Sheen is keeping it klassy, as usual. Sheen was arrested in Aspen on yesterday for allegedly assaulting his wife, Brooke Mueller, mother to his twin boys. Sheen was released later in the day after posting $8,500 bail.

Apparently cops responded to a 911 call on Christmas morning from Mueller, claiming Sheen assaulted her. But when the police arrived, Sheen claimed he was just fending his wife off. Mmm-kay. Sheen, 44, was charged with felony second degree assault, felony menacing and criminal mischief, a misdemeanor. TMZ reports all three charges are “coupled with a domestic violence component.”

“I think it’s important for girls to feel that it’s okay to be open and as explicit as they feel they need to be, and not feel like they need to live up to any man’s Madonna/whore standards of what a woman should be. When guys say they want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed, OK, that’s cool. But you know what? Then you’re not man enough for me, because any man who’s gonna date me has to know I’m gonna be me all the f**king time.”

—Rapper Amanda Blank in an interview with Spinner.com

See the evidence of this particular meeting of the minds, after the jump…

• Amy Winehouse is in more trouble after turning herself in for assault charges following an incident at Milton Keynes Theatre. [EW]
• Kurt Cobain‘s mother and sister have filed legal paperwork hoping to seal court documents concerning the guardianship of Frances Bean. [L.A. Times]

Oh Amy Winehouse, you sure are a hot mess and an unending source of entertainment. Recently, the singer tried to get in touch with her inner child by going to a pantomime production of “Cinderella.” She started off right, sitting in the audience with a bunch of kids. But things deteriorated when she started shouting profanities at the cast. When the staff tried to remove her from the sea of upset kids, she allegedly kicked the front-of-house manager in the balls. She also bled all over Anthea Turner, who played the Fairy Godmother, while saying, “I love you, Anthea, sticky-back plastic, I love you.” Sticky-back plastic? There’s a pet name I bet you’ve never heard. [PopEater]

Amy sure is original. Even during a year when she finally went to rehab, she managed to amuse us tremendously. After the jump, some of her other, err, original moments.

Poor Frances Bean Cobain. On top of having a dead father she also has the most bat s**t, crazy mother in the world.  So crazy is her mommy dearest that she had to try to escape before her 18th birthday. We all let out a little sigh of relief last week when Crazney Love lost custody of Frances. The word is that Cobain’s paternal grandmother and aunt filed a motion to keep custody proceedings confidential from the public because they include “domestic violence” allegations. I wish I could say I was surprised. Again … poor Frances. I hope she will be able to heal from what I can only imagine must have been a very erratic childhood. After the jump, 10 reasons why we think Frances Bean knew it was time to split. As if the physical abuse wasn’t enough. [Newser]

“To be honest about it, sex was not worth the wait. After we did it, I was kind of like, that’s it?”

—Newlywed Kevin Jonas on finally getting to bump uglies for the first time with his new wife at a press conference [Huffington Post]

UPDATE: Soooo, apparently the dude who wrote about this on HuffPo, Andy Borowitz, is some sort of “comedian” and making up quotes like this is part of his idea of “humor.” The funny thing is I fell for it, because it does not seem so crazy to think a Jonas Brother would find sex to be meh. So, yeah, sorry folks. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

• Tila Tequila has lied again; she’s not exactly pregnant with her brother and sister-in-law’s baby yet. [PopEater]
• Mary J. Blige allegedly had a fist fight with her husband at a nightclub. [Media Takeout]
• Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher went vintage shopping to find gifts for their whole family. [People]

Santa just shoved a big honkin’ piece of gossip down our stocking a day early: a source tells Gawker that Susan Sarandon split from Tim Robbins, her beau of 23 years, for Jonathan Bricklin, a 31-year-old investor in a Manhattan ping pong club. For those of you who live outside the NYC area, yes, our fair city has an “exclusive” ping pong social club called Spin that members pay $100 to attend. Bricklin is an entrepreneur behind Spin and Sarandon has always been an, um, enthusiastic supporter.

We can’t tell if we’re more bowled over by the ping pong angle, or how the 63-year-old actress is allegedly boning a man 30 years younger than her. (It’s the “Madonna effect.”) All we have to say is: Susan Sarandon, you dog, you! [Gawker]