Running from the paparazzi is a great way to burn calories. Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods’ alleged mistress, had to jog to the gym—Equinox, BTW, maybe the same one Jessica and Natalie Portman go to?!—in order to evade the flashbulbs. [New York City, 12/8/09]

I’m just gonna say it. Elin Nordegren needs to pack up her crap—oh wait, she already did that—move out of the house she shares with Tiger Woods and not take a penny of his “please stay with me, baby” money. She can get what she is owed for being a loyal, devoted wife to the philandering golfer when she takes him to divorce court. With nine—nine!!!—alleged mistresses now semi-accounted for, Tiger seems more focused on beating Wilt Chamberlain’s record for infidelity than he is on improving his golf game. I don’t foresee how it’s possible for Nordegren to ever trust her husband again, and raising children in a house where the trust is gone is no good for the kiddies, amiright? We already suggested some possible rebounds for Elin, should she take my advice and get the hell out of the Tiger Cage, but what about Woods? He must be itching to tap some hot cocktail waitress ass right about now. As poor taste is my forte and Tiger has clearly identified his, uh, “type,” here are eight women I can see Tiger playing put-put with.

Last night, I was in the changing room at my NYC gym alongside the lovely and petite Natalie Portman! She was wearing a puffy green coat and Tretorn rain boots even though it wasn’t raining outside and didn’t close her locker behind her. Anyway, because I’m a nerd, this morning I Googled “Natalie Portman Equinox” just for kicks and I came up with this Craigslist posting by some gym bunny asking Nat on a date. It says:

“You’re Natalie Portman. I was running on the treadmill at Equinox today…you were with your friend…i think you kind of checked me out a little…thought you were cute, would love to grab a drink.

Poor boob! Natalie wasn’t checking you out, honey. She was afraid because you were staring at her.

• Elin Nordegren has reportedly moved out of the home she shared with Tiger Woods. [RadarOnline.com]
• Eddie Vedder is engaged to his longtime girlfriend, Jill McCormick. [Starpulse]
• Michelle Duggar was rushed to the hospital, but her unborn baby is fine. [PopEater]

The looks on the guys standing around Gaga and Queen Elizabeth are the best part of this photo. The one closest to Gaga seems to be thinking, “Damn, Queenie, I wouldn’t touch her if I was you. She might be contagious!” The guy on the end who looks like Ryan from “The Office” is thinking, “Can you believe Little Red Riding Hood had a baby with Batman’s Robin? I didn’t even know they knew each other.” The big question, of course, is: What do you think is going through the Queen’s mind?

Even though Hugh Hefner is not the least bit surprised that Tiger Woods allegedly cheated on his wife many, many, many times, he doesn’t actually approve. He, after all, was a model husband. Or something. [Twitter]

Last night on “The Joy Behar Show,” host Behar asked her guest, Levi Johnston, how he feels about being a gay icon. “You come from a conservative background and Alaska’s not the most liberal state,” she said, “and yet, you seem to be very comfortable being a gay icon.”

“Once I started doing all these tours and everything,” Levi replied, “I just, you know, they’re people too. It doesn’t matter to me, more fans, it’s great.” Clip above. [via PopEater]

“I have had very low self-esteem my whole life. When I was 12 or 13, I remember walking up the driveway, and this guy who was 20 — which may have been highly inappropriate — said to me, ‘I like your pants,’ and I was like, ‘Oh, that looks good? Oh, OK, I will wear tight pants now.’”

—Mariah Carey on why she started dressing “sexy” at a young age in Paper magazine [Just Jared]

This story just keeps growing and growing. In the last 12 hours, Tiger Woods has dropped out of his role as best man at his friend’s wedding this weekend and sources have said that the golfer was admitted to the hospital the day after Thanksgiving (when he had his car crash) with his condition listed as an overdose. Supposedly the drugs listed were Ambien and Vicodin. But the biggest and strangest development is that a woman—described as a “middle aged blonde” by “Today”—was rushed from Woods’ home in Orlando in an ambulance early this morning. It’s not known who the woman is, but according to “Today,” Elin Nordegren‘s mother had recently arrived to be with her daughter. There are also reports that the ambulance was followed to the hospital by a black Escalade, which both Woods and his wife drive, and that a blonde was at the wheel. One Orlando news affiliate says the woman is “on advanced life support.” We’ll keep you posted as this story develops. [MSNBC]

• Why did the Kardashian sisters get naked with their mom, Kris Jenner, to celebrate the beauty knowledge she passed on to them? [Kim Kardashian]
• Elin Nordegren has supposedly moved out of the home she shares with her husband, Tiger Woods. [RadarOnline.com]
• These gift-giving etiquette guidelines take the guesswork out of tricky situations. [Your Tango]

The first rule of cheating—always use a condom (and hopefully backup birth control). Tiger Woods, kick ass golfer and dentist’s dream (because of that pearly white smile, natch), allegedly was a big ol’ dummy and didn’t wrap up his 5-iron with at least two of the women he allegedly cheated with. Jaimee Grubbs says that she and the married father of two “never discussed” using protection and that he didn’t even ask her whether she was on the pill (which, as we know, would help prevent pregnancy but not STDs). Meanwhile, Mindy Lawton‘s sister Lynn says her sister told her Tiger never wore condoms. “I was so worried she might catch a disease, especially as we suspected he was promiscuous.”

Reasons I am jealous of Carrie Underwood: her sweet bod, her awesome singing voice, her ability to take a vacation in the recession, her tan ... I could go on and on. [Bahamas, 12/7/09]

Rihanna called the costumes for her “Hard” video “couture military.” But I think they border on vulgarity. See more photos here. Your thoughts? [Simi Valley, CA]

Dating is hard as it as, so just imagine what it would be like your if parents were Bruce Willis or Arnold Schwarzenegger. You’d have to worry about whether someone was dating you because you’re you, or because your dad either (a) starred in “Die Hard” or (b) was the Terminator. That must be pretty awkward when you are trying to play the field. But if you are the child of a celeb, who better to shack up with then someone who also has famous parents? I guess that’s what Patrick Schwarzenegger (son of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver) and Tallulah Willis (daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore) were thinking. The rumor (not Rumer Willis—that’s a different Willis girl) is that these two are the newest Tinsel Town item. I really hope they don’t break each other’s hearts. Can’t you just picture the Governator and Bruce duking it out? Now that would be a fight! [New York Post]

After the jump, some more celeb children who we’d like to see date.