Last night’s People Choice Awards seemed to be rolling along without incident. Queen Latifah hosted, Susan Boyle performed “I Dreamed a Dream,” Sandra Bullock won two awards, Taylor Swift won Favorite Female Artist without a word from Kanye West, and everyone is still obsessed with Johnny Depp, natch. Mariah Carey—who was probably still recovering from what had to be a killer hangover after her soused acceptance speech at the Palm Springs Film Festival—won the award for Favorite R & B Artist. As she hobbled up to the stage in a way-too-tight dress with the support of hubby Nick Cannon, things got interesting. She thanked her fans for being her “extended family.” Then she thanked Nick for helping her with her dress “which [was] a drama” and for “other things [I] probably shouldn’t mention.” Like what? Helping her get sober after awards shows? The whole thing was suspiciously odd. Painkillers or vodka? It was hard to tell.

But Mimi’s not the only one to give bad acceptance speeches. Ironically, it seems like we always remember the uncomfortable, bizarre, and cheesy ones. After the jump, the best of the worst acceptance speeches. [AOL, PopEater]

“When it comes to family and relationships, I’m quite traditional. Just because of the way I was raised. And I also believe in God and I have a lot of faith in that, so I just felt like you don’t mess with things like that. I guess deep down, I really felt like either [pregnancy] is not going to happen for me or it is. You know what I mean? And if it is, it will. And if it’s not, it’s not going to.”

—Jennifer Lopez opens up to Elle about her traditional views on building a family. [Us Weekly]

Oh, there’s something about men in uniform when you know they’ve got British accents, too! Prince Harry (my fave) posed with his brother Prince William for a painting by artist Nicky Phillips to hang in London’s National Portrait Gallery.  [Times of London UK] 

• ”30 Rock” star Jane Krakowski is engaged to Robert Godley. [PopEater]
• Khloe Kardashian has stopped taking pregnancy precautions. [Starpulse]
• Prince Ernst August of Hanover is apparently cheating on his wife, Monaco’s Princess Caroline. [People]

Photoshop Fail: Emma Watson‘s leg disappears in one of the new Burberry ads. But does she really need all her limbs when she has brother Alex to lean on and is the highest-grossing actress of the decade? [BuzzFeed]

Doesn’t celebrity gossip sometimes feel like a game of Mad Libs? There are definite repeated themes—couplings, uncouplings, rehab, infidelity, and general scandal. And yet, there’s so much sheer randomness at work that it sometimes seems like all of the underlined words were picked out of some cosmic grab bag by a kid who has been told to choose celebrity names, adjective, location, types of cats and film genres. After the jump, a few celebrity Mad Libs games for you to try. Give your versions in the comments, mkay?

• Matthew Goode, star of “Leap Year,” opens up about his preference for East Coast ladies and the one white lie he tells his wife. [Your Tango]
• Kick Ass Chicken and Rice sounds tasty. Here’s how to make it. [Bullz-Eye]
• An Olympic track star has removed her breasts to improve her speed. [Lemondrop]

And a tied belt camouflages Amy Adams’ pregnant belly perfectly. [NYC, 1/6/10]

Emma Watson‘s latest Burberry campaign also includes her rather dashing 17-year-old brother, Alex. We can’t get over the facial similarities! Bewitching, no? [WWD]

“I have a hard time accepting roles that typecast a culture. I don’t need to play Juana, the prostitute from Washington Heights, in every movie. If it’s been done before, you don’t need my help. Latinos, we’re not all pimps or prostitutes, we don’t all deal drugs; not everyone in Jamaica smokes weed; not every Middle Easterner is a terrorist. It’s boring, offensive, and hurtful. “

—“Avatar”‘s Zoe Saldana, when asked what roles she refuses to play [Complex]

For those of you who want to yack at cutesy, faux-surprised award show acceptance speeches (still irritated over that Julia Roberts one 10 years ago), Mariah Carey accepting the Breakthrough Actress Award at the Palm Springs Film Festival must have seemed like a breath of fresh (and probably drunk) air. First Mariah hugs her presenter for an uncomfortably long time, before making a joke about kittens/cotton. Then she says, “Please forgive me, because I’m a little bit, um ...” Aww, I think this is sweet. [SF Gate]

• A rep for Marc Jacobs says the designer didn’t marry his boyfriend, Lorenzo Martone, over New Year’s weekend. [Us Weekly]
• Paris Hilton says she could tie the knot with Doug Reinhardt in 2010. [PopEater]
• Reese Witherspoon appears to be loving the single life. [OK!]

Blind Item time! This one via Blind Gossip:

This actor may be the last straight man left in Hollywood, but he does have one unusual request that makes us question his past. This one requires one man (him), two partners (in this case both women), and a room temperature traditionally-shaped bottle of Coca-Cola. When he is about to climax into one woman, the other one shakes up the bottle of Coke and shoves it up his bum. The objective is to have two explosions at once. Given his screen history, we’re guessing that this actor rather likes big explosions. And, given his bedroom history, we’re guessing that neither of these women is his wife.