I figured that after I had a baby my body would be like a soldier after war, with the proud, annoying battle scars that have a good story but don’t dress up well. A few things went differently than expected:
- I had a real baby, which is sort of impossible to imagine beforehand and sort of trumps everything else.
- I didn’t stop caring about the way I looked (this isn’t a story with a moral or something), but I was really busy caring a lot about other things.
- I looked surprisingly great.
No one ever talks about how you might feel sexy and beautiful after you have a baby. They talk a lot about how you might feel shitty and floppy and bad and you might have to work really hard to look good again and your belly might never ever be the same and the goal should be for everything to be the same as it was because that was so much better. It’s stressful, being pregnant and being yelled at by all of the headlines about pregnancy “YOU NEED TO START THINKING ABOUT HOW BAD YOU WILL LOOK AFTER YOU GIVE BIRTH!” Keep reading »
This morning, I happened to stumble upon a CNN photo gallery of children partaking in a MMA fight … in a cage. Participants as young as age five are allowed to compete in the Thunderdome, where “they punch, kick, tackle and choke each other,” with their hands and feet.
I asked myself, “How many parents would actually let their kids do this?” The answer: a lot. Keep reading »
Two-years-old is too damn early to learn that sometimes people are mean for no reason. Alas, people can be terrible. A Redditor posted this sign that one of his neighbors put up for the person who stole his kid’s jack-o-lantern. The sign reads: Keep reading »
OMFG. A baby in an LED costume. These are the moments when I long to be a parent — so I can dress my baby up to look like a glow-in-the-dark stick figure on Halloween. Please, please, please parents of the world, let me live vicariously through you by putting this glow-y thing on your baby next week. [Videogum]
You might remember the woman who found herself with a penis-shaped cake pan and attempted to find creative ways to use it. That was satire. This birthing cake is not. The Pinterest user who made this cake — featuring a strawberry vagina giving birth to doll head — and posted it with the caption: “The Baby shower vagina cake I made for my best friend! So funny yet so disturbing♥♥”
And she’s not the only who’s minus a best friend after showing up at her baby shower with a bloody vagina. There are vaginal funeral cakes and crowning uterus desserts all over the internet. This leads me to believe that birthing cakes are a thing now. I’ll begrudgingly participate in the poop in the diaper game, but I flat-out refuse to eat a slice of labia/uterus /fetus layer cake at your baby shower, even if it’s made out of chocolate sprinkles and pink buttercream. Sorry, it’s just going to work for me. [Mommyish]
A hot international news story: Greece has taken a young blonde girl called “Maria” away from a Roma, or gypsy, couple, though they claim to have adopted her from her biological mother. Authorities instead have accused the Roma couple of abducting Maria, who is age four or five, and of falsifying paperwork for the child and their other children. The Roma couple are accusing officials of coming after them over anti-gypsy prejudice. Keep reading »
“As a woman you’re still expected to constantly prove yourself, whereas men are allowed to have flops without people blaming it on their gender. If a man has a flop, people will blame it on a variety of factors. But if a woman directs a movie and it doesn’t do well, suddenly it’s because she’s a woman. That’s aggravating to me.”
Here’s “Juno”‘s Diablo Cody speaking to IndieWire about her newest film, “Paradise,” which she directed and wrote while she was pregnant and the mother of small children. Cody said she used to be skeptical about why there weren’t more women with kids who were successful directors but now she is certain that the demands of motherhood and the guilt that working women face “100 percent” has to do with it. She’s such a kickass screenwriter and filmmaker that I hope motherhood doesn’t change too much for her. I look up to you, Diablo! [IndieWire] [Image via WENN]
Today in Horrible Things I Would Rather Not Know: a 17-year-old girl was arrested for shoplifting at a Victoria’s Secret in midtown Manhattan yesterday and was carrying a dead fetus inside her bag.
Two 17-year-old girls were pulled over by security guards inside the Victoria’s Secret in Herald Square because they were seen stealing lingerie. Then they noticed a “strong odor.” They found a dead male fetus inside one of the shopping bags, which appeared to be six or seven months along. One girl is believed to be the mother. She told police she had a miscarriage the day before and had posted on Facebook on Wednesday, “These Cramps, SON.” Police are currently investigating the cause of death. Keep reading »