Disclaimer: I am not a sports person, so please pardon my fumbling attempt at sports metaphors but … if you are injured, get off the playing field. I am not actually talking about sports, obviously, although I think it might be football season because all my guy friends have disappeared. But this is a dating column. So … the sport of DATING! It’s brutal! This weekend, one of my best friends got dumped, out-of-the-blue, by a girl she had been dating rather seriously for a couple of months. Of course, I was pissed because she’s my friend and how dare anyone dump her because she’s fabulous. But I was specifically pissed about why she was dumped.
The reason for this unexpected dumping was because “things were headed in a serious direction” and the woman she was dating “couldn’t handle anything serious right now.” BIGGEST EYE ROLL EVER. Keep reading »
Because I’m a jealous and petty person, I can’t stand to read lifestyle/home/craft blogs. Who are these people with endless amounts of free time, money and craft experience who seem to effortlessly turn their homes into the back page of a Martha Stewart magazine? They obviously don’t have cats. And because I’m jealous and petty, and not going to subscribe to Folk Magazine anytime soon (though they keep threatening me with a subscription), I need shortcuts to elevate me from sloth to semi-functioning, well-designed person.
Which is why we’ve collected a bunch of easy, really easy, tips to help make your house one others can be jealous of. Keep reading »
My dog Kerbey is a quasi-Internet celebrity. With his cartoonish tiny legs, large torso, giant bat ears and confused eyes, any picture I put up of him on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram is guaranteed to get mountains of likes, retweets or exclamations of, “OMG you have the best dog EVERRRRR.” If Kerbey just lived his life through the Internet, that “best dog ever” title would be an easy win. Unfortunately, like a high-angled MySpace photo, Kerbey’s online persona is not exactly entirely accurate. For you see, Kerbey can be a major dick. Keep reading »
Important business to attend to! We need to discuss this crazy picture of Jon Hamm’s balls. While out strolling this weekend with Jennifer Westfeldt, there were some very interesting pics snapped of his junk. Some featured his incredibly sizable shlong. Not that we’re complaining. There’s never any issue with a devastatingly handsome man being well-endowed. BUT. THE BALLS. Granted, we’ve seen balls of all shapes and sizes. Amelia had a brief fling with a guy with “grapefruit-sized balls” — “Like Christmas tree ornaments!” she emphasizes — and I once slept with a dude whose balls were the size of Lindor truffles. I swear. But nuts, regardless of size or shape, are smushy. Sorry, but something about these moose knuckles just don’t look right to us. After the jump, some theories about what might have been going on Jon’s pants. Keep reading »
Kristen Stewart has a stinky little bedroom secret: she has an armpit licking fetish, otherwise known as maschalagnia. Right before news broke of her “fling” with Rupert Sanders, K-Stew told British Vogue’s Christa D’ Souza all about her kink. “My God, I’m so in love with my boyfriend. I wish he were here now. I think I want to have his babies. I love the way he smells. And him me. Like, he loves to lick under my armpits. I don’t get this obsession with washing the smell off. That smell of someone you love. Don’t you think it’s the whole point?” she said during an interview for the October issue of the magazine. Keep reading »
Tonight, the boy band One Direction will take the stage at the MTV Video Music Awards for a much-hyped performance. This fact is making me feel very old, because all the young people on the internet are freaking out about it and I’m like, “Wait, what is a One Direction?” This stands in stark contrast to my lifestyle in the ’90s, when my love for boy bands–namely the Backstreet Boys–was so intense I spent all my time talking about them, listening to them, watching their music videos, going to their concerts, writing them semi-desperate letters, making artful collages of their headshots, buying behind-the-scenes DVDs, and planning my inevitable BSB wedding. Yep, I knew–and still know–pretty much everything there is to know about the Backstreet Boys, but I know pretty much nothing about One Direction. Here are nine specific discrepancies that my 14-year-old self would be ashamed of… Keep reading »