Tag Archives: breaking up

Dear Wendy: “I Created A Fake Boyfriend On Facebook To Make My Ex Jealous”

I’m a 39 year-old woman and I broke up with my boyfriend of three months about two weeks ago. We broke up on bad terms; I had a hunch he was cheating because he suddenly, for no reason, hid everything on his Facebook page. I told him I didn’t trust him, and he basically said that we should just be friends. I was crushed and haven’t contacted him, but I knew he was still my friend on Facebook and would see my posts. So … I decided to invent a fake boyfriend. I created a fake Facebook identity, complete with fake friends and even a fake profile picture and then basically “friended” myself. Over the past week, the fake boyfriend posted things on my wall and asked me out on dates, all for the purpose of making my ex jealous! Then I changed my relationship status to “In a Relationship.” Well, my ex saw that and sent me a message saying if I was trying to hurt him, he didn’t really know me. Then he unfriended me.

I thought that if it looked like I had a boyfriend, it would seem like he didn’t mean that much to me. I wanted to hurt him, but now I feel even worse. I am totally ashamed that I would do something so petty and juvenile. How do I fix this situation? Should I just leave my ex alone and move on? Should I admit what I did and apologize? I’m really not a crazy person; I was just hurt and now I really regret behaving like a twelve year old! — Regretting Fake Facebook Status

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Girl Talk: Everyone Saw Me Cry

“The important thing is that nobody saw you cry,” my mom kindly consoled me over the phone, after I told her how I had behaved like a drunk toddler at my friend’s wedding the night before.

“But mom, that’s just it, everyone saw me cry,” I tried to explain to her quietly, not wanting the couple having brunch next to me to hear.

“What?” my mom hollered back, slowly enunciating in the way older people distrusting technology tend to do at the slightest sign of interference.

“Everyone saw me cry,” I said a little louder this time.

“Where are you? I can’t hear you. I think we’re breaking up,” I clearly heard her say without the slightest hint of static or pending drop call.

“EVERYONE SAW ME CRY,” I shouted back, causing the chattering brunchers to stop and look at me, hints of tipsy pity filtering out from behind their sunglasses. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Should I Dump My Boyfriend Before I Start College?”

I’m an eighteen year old girl about to start college. I’ve had a boyfriend for a year and I’ve really enjoyed our time together. He was my first boyfriend, therefore he is very special to me and basically all I have ever known. Very soon, we will be about two hours apart during college. This is hard for me to even fathom because we see each other almost every day. He has become a best friend to me, and I just don’t know what to do without him. On the other hand, I am interested in dating other people. A part of me wants to see what is out there and have new experiences, but I am so afraid I will make the wrong choice and be unhappy without him. I can’t even picture him with another girl — the feeling makes me a jealous monster. I honestly feel stuck. What should I do? — College Conundrum

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Girl Talk: We Can’t Be Friends

There’s this (amazing) song on the soundtrack to the (terrible) movie “The Romantics” called “We Can’t Be Friends” by Lenore Scafaria. My favorite lyrics go:

“I want to wear a skirt, I want to make mistakes,
I want to kill you first and then take your name,
I want to tear you apart, I want to make your bed,
I wanna break your heart, I want to break your head,
I guess this means we can’t be friends.”

In the days, weeks and months following a big breakup, I listened to this song on repeat. Every word of it spoke to me (especially the part about breaking his head). We’d said to each other on our first date, moony-eyed, that even if this didn’t grow into anything, we should still be friends.

Two years later, it couldn’t be more obvious that we could not be friends. My friends don’t sneak around behind my back. My friends don’t email me lists of the things they don’t like about me. My friends don’t threaten to throw out my stuff. There’s a hell of a lot of things my ex-boyfriend did that I wouldn’t stand for if one of my girl or guy friends were to do them. Why should I make concessions for acting like a d**k just because we had been in a romantic relationship together? What would that prove?

This cropped up again recently when a guy I’d been going on dates with for about a month ended it with me. Hormones, as I’ll call him, said he didn’t have strong enough romantic feelings or see long-term potential for us. Yadda yadda yadda. That is fine. I understand. I appreciate that he was honest about it. But then Hormones told me that he hoped we could be friends. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Compromising Positions

I made decision when I was a young adult on the kind of regrets I’d try to have: I want to regret only the things I did do, not the things I didn’t. So far it’s worked out just as I’ve hoped. I have never had to look back and wish I had fallen deeply in love, or traveled around Europe when I was young, or quit a steady job to freelance write fulltime, because I’ve done all of those things. I’m proud that I have very few regrets about things in my life I have done — very, very few, like, I’m struggling to think of examples now. But as each month brings more and more distance between myself and a devastating heartbreak I suffered with the guy I wanted to spend my life with, one regret is becoming pronounced. I look back now and I’m not proud of all the small compromises that I made for him without, I think, getting as much as I should have in return. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I Fell For My Starter Boyfriend

I met Omar* at a New Year’s Eve party shortly after graduating college. He was 6’2″ and built with dark brown eyes and black wavy hair that fell below his ears. I was a 5’2″ chubby bookworm who had recently lost her virginity and was tired of being single and inexperienced.

We hit it off immediately because of our love for going out dancing and the exact same taste in TV shows. Fueled by alcohol and a newfound sense of adventure, I jumped into bed with him that night. The next day, after talking for 12 hours straight, he told me that he wanted to be together. I thought, Okay, maybe this guy can be my Starter Boyfriend. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I’m Jealous Of My Boyfriend’s Friendship With His Ex”

My boyfriend is still friends with his ex-girlfriend of a year, who also happens to be friends with all of his friends. They all hang out often and I see that they still talk over text messages and in person. I really feel uncomfortable and that it’s unfair that he’s still friends with her when he has told me it would be easier on our relationship if I didn’t talk to my ex of three years. I’ve only met this girl once and she has introduced herself to me but it doesn’t change how I feel about their friendship. I don’t know if I trust him or believe that he does not have feelings for her anymore. How can I ask him if he still loves her or tell him that it makes me feel uncomfortable without coming off like a complete psycho? — Ex Files

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Jason Mraz Breaks Up With Fiancee, But Is Still Practicing Yoga With Her

“My greatest mistake right now is, I’ve been clinging to my art. In that, I have victory for my art and a great loss for my heart. At the moment, my beautiful fiancee is no longer my beautiful fiancee. … Two halves don’t make a whole. Two wholes make a whole. In my relationship, I was giving myself away to make the relationship better, but in actuality, wasn’t doing better by doing that. I became less of a man. … We are still super friends, we go to yoga together, we surf together. We acknowledge the journey that each of us is on. We certainly want each of us to feel whole and complete. And it’s when you’re whole and complete that that attraction exists and it really thrives.”

– Jason Mraz, the singer behind “I’m Yours,” told The Daily Beast that Tristan Prettyman is no longer his fiancee. While it’s refreshing to see a famous person deviate from the robotic “We have made the mutual decision to end our relationship … please respect our privacy … we remain good friends” canned breakup statement, knowing that Mraz and his ex still do downward dog together and are all “shaka bra” or whatever is a bit overshare-y, no? I mean, are they sharing custody of their bong too? [The Daily Beast] Keep reading »

Dear Wendy Updates: “Once Bitten” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Once Bitten” who began an affair with an engaged man who had already dumped her once for the woman he would later propose to. “I know that the typical advice is ‘they never leave their wife,’ but I have loved this guy since we met and keep hoping that he’ll ‘choose me.’ When I’m with him, I always tell myself that being in love with him is enough. Then he goes home and my heart breaks,” she wrote. After the jump, find out if her boyfriend indeed chose her or if she finally got the courage to leave him for good. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Refuses To Introduce Me To His Friends And Family”

My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 months, but he won’t let me meet his friends or his family. He has told me his friends dislike me for the sole reason that I am his girlfriend. It’s not even that I take up too much of his time — he see’s them every day and I only see him one day a week. His friends haven’t met me, yet they try to start fights with me and are mean to me on Facebook. I asked him to please tell them to stop saying mean things to me on Facebook, but he won’t. Instead, he says to me “Stop being silly. Who cares?” Well, I care. One day we were in his bedroom, and we heard some of his friends in the living room with his roommate; I was gonna go out and say hello but my boyfriend said to me “No, they will rip your head off.” I just hate it. I’m not allowed to meet them, he lets them talk bad about me to his face and on the internet, and when I get mad, it’s all my fault. Another thing is I’m kept separate from his family. He has met mine but won’t let me meet his. One day we drove to his house and he just sat outside in the car. I said let’s go inside and say hello, but he wouldn’t. I had to sit in the car. What do I do? What does this all mean? — Kept in the Dark

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