“It was tricky in that we split up and had to remain in a band. Whenever we play music together, it’s f**kin’ intimate, there’s no two ways about it. You cannot sing with someone and not be intimate. It just doesn’t work, and that’s why I’m not playing in the band right now. I’m still in the band, but I’m not playing with Mar right now. … [T]he one thing that me and Mar have always been with each other is very honest. Mar needed to move in the direction she moved, I needed to move in the direction I moved, but we’re still very good. The saddest thing that could happen out of all of this is that we’d stop being friends. That’s the worst-case scenario. If me and her are still buddies … you know, she’s had to deal with discomfort, too. She’s had to deal with me making decisions that have hurt her. So Mar getting married is something that I think is very good for her. If I could say anything about Marketa, it’s that this really suits her personality. To get married with someone who loves and respects her and who she loves and respects, to me, makes total sense. I’m very happy for her, genuinely. And I really like Tim, he’s a f**king gentleman.”
— If you didn’t fall in love with Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova falling in love with each other in “Once,” then, well, we recommend you get that checked out. But after the bandmates of The Swell Season won an Oscar for their song “Falling Slowly” — while being filmed for a documentary about the band, in fact — Glen and Marketa drifted apart from each other and ended their relationship. Now Marketa is married to a member of the Swell Season crew and Glen … well, Glen is pretty freaking mature about it, all things considered. Keep reading »
What would you do if you wound up single on what was to be one of the most special days of your life—your wedding day? My friend Desiree did something remarkable and revolutionary: instead of hiding away, she marched boldly into a proud new future, and in the process became an inspiration to me and, hopefully, some of you as well.
On a recent Sunday, when I would have been attending her wedding to a man, I stood on Bow Bridge in Central Park and witnessed Desiree get married—to herself. A circle of her friends surrounded her while her cousin officiated, reciting vows she had written for herself, which included the lines, “I will make my happiness a priority and forgive myself when I’m not perfect. I will trust myself and stand within the power of my own strength. I will love myself forever more, through good and bad, thick and thin, and for exactly who I am today. I promise I will never, ever, ever, settle for less than what my heart and soul desire.”
Keep reading »
Expected but rarely warranted, the why-did-your-relationship-end question may be even more despicable than the why-are-you-single question. After all, asking someone why their relationship drank Drano implies that you have a vested interest in one’s sacred bond with another person—you don’t. This is not an Us Weekly interview, I am not Jennifer Lopez, and unless your name is ‘Whiskey,’ I don’t want to talk to you right now. Shoo, and turn the light off on your way out.
Because such a question deserves a condescending answer, here are a few for you to memorize and use at your discretion. Enjoy! Keep reading »
You know the time has come. He just isn’t the one for you and you know you’re going to break his heart. He’s been swooning over you for months and as much as you like hanging out with him, in the end, he simply doesn’t rock your boat. The excitement you felt when you first starting going out left some time ago. He’s been pressuring you for more time and more commitment but you simply resist. It’s gotten to the point when you start to avoid his phone calls and are easily annoyed with his anxious requests. Keep reading »
“It was like I had to do something serious, something to cause a rift, that we couldn’t come back from.”
That was my friend Caitlin*. She stopped me dead in my tracks. We were walking off brunch last Sunday afternoon, a brunch filled with sharing our mutual dating tales and reminiscing about our past relationships that brought us to where we are today. Caitlin started telling me for the first time about her ex-boyfriend, a guy she had been with for four years in her late teens and early-20s. They’d fallen in love, moved in together and settled down seemingly happily. Then Caitlin started to feel anxious. She was too young to settle down. She wanted to “go out.” She wanted to have more life experiences that didn’t necessarily involve him. It wasn’t that he was doing anything wrong; in fact, she still recalled him sweetly. So she started to sabotage the relationship, to hurt him so badly that they had to break up.
She had carpetbombed the relationship. She needed to carpetbomb the relationship. Keep reading »
Most people have encountered a crazy ex-girlfriend in some form, a being to be pitied and scorned. It was frightening how easy it was to find myself, normally a level-headed, rational woman, turning into one. Keep reading »
About a month ago I was standing in a sandwich shop near my office and my mind went to the place it usually does, which is wondering what I would do if Ex-Mr. Jessica walked in. His office is only 10 blocks away from my own, so there is a very real possibility we may run into each other by accident sometime. I looked at the men dressed the same way he would dress — glasses, dress shirt, slacks, an iPod — and imagined him walking in.
And then I realized I wouldn’t have cared. I could nod my head at him and ignore him. I could even muster a small smile and a “hi.” In the day’s experiences, it would register as “whatever.”
And that release felt huge. Keep reading »
This month marks the six-year anniversary of my divorce. A lot has changed since then. I’ve lived on my own (no parents, roommates, boyfriend, or husband). I dated again for the first time in a long time (how long? there was no internet the last time I dated). I changed jobs, got another degree, changed careers, moved across the country. Fell in love again.
I’m happy, extremely so. So why do people still act sorry for me when they hear I’m no longer married and the reason why? Keep reading »