“I think we should break-up.”
“I don’t love you anymore.”
“We aren’t right for each other.”
Breakups can leave the lovelorn rattled for weeks, months and sometimes even years. But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Grieving a relationship is not unlike grieving a death. It’s healing process. But one day, you will move on.
“The key to getting through a breakup is accepting that you are going to be a crazy maniac for the next three to six months of your life,” says Elina Furman, relationship expert and author of Kiss and Run: The Single, Picky and Indecisive Girl’s Guide to Overcoming Her Fear of Commitment. “There’s no skipping steps so even if you think you’re over it right away, you’re probably not.”
If you’re recently single, fasten your seatbelt. These five stages of grief can get pretty rocky. Read more…
Exes are exes for a reason. You have to remember that, even when you miss them — like I did this past week.
You may remember the crappy ex in question — the one who broke up with me over IM, stole a painting he’d given me as a present and generally made me feel like total crap for several months. Our breakup was quick and sharp (over IM, after all), but the months leading up to it were painful and heartbreaking. He was miserable and so was I.
Keep reading »
“It was tricky in that we split up and had to remain in a band. Whenever we play music together, it’s f**kin’ intimate, there’s no two ways about it. You cannot sing with someone and not be intimate. It just doesn’t work, and that’s why I’m not playing in the band right now. I’m still in the band, but I’m not playing with Mar right now. … [T]he one thing that me and Mar have always been with each other is very honest. Mar needed to move in the direction she moved, I needed to move in the direction I moved, but we’re still very good. The saddest thing that could happen out of all of this is that we’d stop being friends. That’s the worst-case scenario. If me and her are still buddies … you know, she’s had to deal with discomfort, too. She’s had to deal with me making decisions that have hurt her. So Mar getting married is something that I think is very good for her. If I could say anything about Marketa, it’s that this really suits her personality. To get married with someone who loves and respects her and who she loves and respects, to me, makes total sense. I’m very happy for her, genuinely. And I really like Tim, he’s a f**king gentleman.”
— If you didn’t fall in love with Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova falling in love with each other in “Once,” then, well, we recommend you get that checked out. But after the bandmates of The Swell Season won an Oscar for their song “Falling Slowly” — while being filmed for a documentary about the band, in fact — Glen and Marketa drifted apart from each other and ended their relationship. Now Marketa is married to a member of the Swell Season crew and Glen … well, Glen is pretty freaking mature about it, all things considered. Keep reading »
What would you do if you wound up single on what was to be one of the most special days of your life—your wedding day? My friend Desiree did something remarkable and revolutionary: instead of hiding away, she marched boldly into a proud new future, and in the process became an inspiration to me and, hopefully, some of you as well.
On a recent Sunday, when I would have been attending her wedding to a man, I stood on Bow Bridge in Central Park and witnessed Desiree get married—to herself. A circle of her friends surrounded her while her cousin officiated, reciting vows she had written for herself, which included the lines, “I will make my happiness a priority and forgive myself when I’m not perfect. I will trust myself and stand within the power of my own strength. I will love myself forever more, through good and bad, thick and thin, and for exactly who I am today. I promise I will never, ever, ever, settle for less than what my heart and soul desire.”
Keep reading »
Expected but rarely warranted, the why-did-your-relationship-end question may be even more despicable than the why-are-you-single question. After all, asking someone why their relationship drank Drano implies that you have a vested interest in one’s sacred bond with another person—you don’t. This is not an Us Weekly interview, I am not Jennifer Lopez, and unless your name is ‘Whiskey,’ I don’t want to talk to you right now. Shoo, and turn the light off on your way out.
Because such a question deserves a condescending answer, here are a few for you to memorize and use at your discretion. Enjoy! Keep reading »
You know the time has come. He just isn’t the one for you and you know you’re going to break his heart. He’s been swooning over you for months and as much as you like hanging out with him, in the end, he simply doesn’t rock your boat. The excitement you felt when you first starting going out left some time ago. He’s been pressuring you for more time and more commitment but you simply resist. It’s gotten to the point when you start to avoid his phone calls and are easily annoyed with his anxious requests. Keep reading »
“It was like I had to do something serious, something to cause a rift, that we couldn’t come back from.”
That was my friend Caitlin*. She stopped me dead in my tracks. We were walking off brunch last Sunday afternoon, a brunch filled with sharing our mutual dating tales and reminiscing about our past relationships that brought us to where we are today. Caitlin started telling me for the first time about her ex-boyfriend, a guy she had been with for four years in her late teens and early-20s. They’d fallen in love, moved in together and settled down seemingly happily. Then Caitlin started to feel anxious. She was too young to settle down. She wanted to “go out.” She wanted to have more life experiences that didn’t necessarily involve him. It wasn’t that he was doing anything wrong; in fact, she still recalled him sweetly. So she started to sabotage the relationship, to hurt him so badly that they had to break up.
She had carpetbombed the relationship. She needed to carpetbomb the relationship. Keep reading »
Most people have encountered a crazy ex-girlfriend in some form, a being to be pitied and scorned. It was frightening how easy it was to find myself, normally a level-headed, rational woman, turning into one. Keep reading »