So, it’s been a year since I got dumped. Frankly, I would not blame any of you for being at the point of thinking – if not saying – “Why the f**k hasn’t this bitch gotten over this yet?” I wonder the same thing myself.
There’s that saying that it takes half the length of the relationship to “get over it.” If that were the case, I would have another year and four months to go, God help me! But actually, I’m over the heartbreak. There’s not one ounce of me that’s still physically attracted to him. While I miss the friendship we had, the way he made me laugh, the sweet things he would do, like plate the dinner he made from scratch like we were dining at a fancy restaurant, and the fun we had traveling together, I don’t miss him as my boyfriend at all. That feels so amazing, I cannot even tell you. I could do cartwheels! (If I could do cartwheels, that is.)
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You and your sweetie just don’t seem to connect as much, or as often as you used to. You fight more (or bicker about insignificant topics), you find yourself spending more time by yourself. How do you know if it is just a bad patch or if the relationship is over?
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Sept. 14 marks the year anniversary of my ex deciding to take a break from our relationship. (Which means it’s also the one year anniversary of his relationship with his subordinate! Congrats, you two!) Can you believe I’ve been writing about this s**t for a year? Even though it feels like it went by in the blink of an eye, I also realize it took a while to realize how much better off I am; there were definitely times where I felt like I would never feel happy again.The thing is, I remember so many details about that day. First I had brunch with my friend Lise from high school at Thor on the Lower East Side. I had eggs Benedict; she had an omelet. Then I went to a little shop a couple blocks away (I still shop there) and I bought a dress — black tank-style, with a red, cream, and black abstract flower pattern on the skirt. I went to get my nails done — OPI’s Lincoln Park After Dark was the shade. Then I went to Whole Foods and I bought stuff to make for dinner. I was going to cook some weird combination of sausage, red peppers, feta cheese, and whole wheat pasta based on a dish my friend Teri had concocted. I never actually made it that night, of course. All of these details are ingrained in my brain, but I suspect I’m not alone in remembering so much minutiae from the day of my worst breakup. What random details do you remember about the day of your worst heartbreak? Keep reading »
Apparently unaware of the many ways this could backfire terribly, Wikler Moran-Mora, pastor of the Seventh Day Adventist Church of Reform in Tampa, FL, faked his own kidnapping so he could two-time his wife. According to police, Moran-Mora texted his wife last Tuesday evening to say he had been kidnapped, but that she should not worry because he was working to get released. But when police tracked down Moran-Mora’s location via his cell phone, they discovered “negotiating with kidnappers” actually meant “boning another woman.” The pastor has been charged with filing a false police report—and coming up with a really bad alibi. [ABC Action News]
But Moran-Mora actually isn’t the first genius who got caught being a liar, liar, pants on fire. A trip down memory lane, after the jump: Keep reading »
At this point in my life, I have enough memorabilia from broken relationships to fill an entire museum. As a writer, I tend to heal after a breakup by writing about it—helps me understand what went wrong. But there aren’t always words to express how painful, sad, annoying, or existentially confusing a breakup can be. And what about the physical, tangible objects left behind—the ones that you come across every so often in the garage that make you laugh, cry, or both. So, after hearing about some of the awesome projects at the Museum of Broken Relationships, a conceptual art museum in Croatia that attempts to create a space of “secure memory” and a safe place to get rid of “controversial objects” that trigger momentarily “undesirable” emotions, I started rummaging through some of my old broken-relationship booty to see what kind of project I could make. Here are my top 10 items. Keep reading »
On last night’s “Letterman
,” Anne Heche
spent a seriously large chunk of time making fun of her ex-husband, Coley Laffoon, whom she divorced in 2007 before shacking up with her “Men In Trees” co-star, James Tupper. She not only called Coley a “lazy ass,” but took things even further, having this to say about Coley’s current occupation:
“He goes out to the mailbox and he opens up the little mailbox door and goes, ‘Oh! I got a check from Anne! Oh! I got a check from Anne! Yay!’”
After a few minutes of this tirade, Anne started to look pretty vengeful. I mean, really, trash-talking your ex on national TV is just … sad and kind of pathetic. Right? If you must vent some anger over an ex, please keep in mind these 10 rules. Keep reading »
I’ve had Terrible Girlfriend Syndrome (TGFS) for years. It all started with Matt Noonan in 6th grade. He was the new boy and all the girls wanted him. But I got him. Clearly, we were going to fall in love. We were going to hang out on the playground and go with a bunch of other snot-nosed 6th graders to PG-13 movies and the whole thing was going to be glorious.
Or so I thought. Instead, I showed up at school on the Monday after our epic decision to “go out”— his friend called my friend to ask if I liked Matt, mine wrangled the same info from the friend, etc.—and one of those bitchy 8th grade girls who was similarly smitten with Matt asked me if we were “together.” Images of the two of us skipping around hand-in-hand flashed through my head, and I quickly blurted out, “God no!”
Confused? Me too. Keep reading »
So you’ve made it through the horrifying breakup with someone you cared about … now what? To be friends or not to be friends, that is the question. Most of the time I like to make a nice clean break adhering to a “no contact” and “no getting back together” policy. I’ve learned from experience that this is a necessary move for me to heal my ailing heart and move on. In time, I am usually content to be “acquaintances with history,” exchanging an email every once in a while or having friendly drinks with the exes that I still respect. But that’s only after time has passed and I’ve removed the rose-colored glasses that I used to gaze at him through. And, of course, there are the guys that I know I won’t ever see or speak with ever again … those that have committed offenses of the heart too heinous to be forgiven in this lifetime. But it’s not always so black and white. Some people are worth keeping in your life. Keep reading »
There are some pretty consistent reasons among men why they dump their girlfriends. Let’s look at what some women do to end up being single again. Of course, this doesn’t fit every instance of a breakup, and this doesn’t apply to every woman, but a lot of guys tend to come up with the same reasons. After all, it can’t ALWAYS be something that the guys did….could it? Read more …
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