Tag Archives: breaking up

Dear Wendy: “Should I Befriend My Ex-Boyfriend’s New Girlfriend?”

One of my first really serious adult relationships happened when I was in my early- to mid-20s. We ended things after about three years, two of which we spent living together, and although our breakup was extremely heart-wrenching and hurtful, over the years we have been able to develop a much stronger relationship as friends. When he started dating his current girlfriend last summer, I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t hear from him as much (previously we had been hanging out an average of twice a week, sometimes more) because sometimes that’s just how things go when you meet someone new. But as the six month mark passed and my conversations with him were few and far between, I began to wonder what the deal was. He confided in me that his girlfriend had trust issues — MAJOR ones. (She was checking his browsing history on his computer, she made him de-friend me on Facebook, and every time he brought up my name or made an attempt to hang out with me, an argument would ensue.) They’ve been dating a year now and I’ve still never met her. The last time I talked to him — we’ve managed to see each other a handful of times since he started dating his girlfriend — he mentioned that he is thinking of proposing. I would like for his girlfriend to get the chance to know me. Additionally, I know my ex misses our friendship and still cares about me deeply, enough so that he has always stuck up for me and made sure she understood that her jealousy and trust issues were HERS, and not caused by anything I did. Should I make an attempt to befriend his girlfriend so that she becomes more comfortable with me? — The Ex

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Dear Wendy: “Is My FWB In Denial About Our Relationship?”

I’ve had a “friends with benefits” situation with a male friend of mine for the last few months. I recently told him that I had feelings for him, but that I was in no way interested in acting on those feelings, as I know that he is not wanting a “gf/bf relationship” right now. After I told him this, he told me he needed some time to think things through. A few weeks later, he invited me out for a few drinks, and then back to his place for the benefits part of our relationship. We went out for a middle of the night snack, and he did all of the classic “boyfriend” posturing — opening doors, hand brushing, turned toward me, looking at me during conversations, etc. After that, he has been contacting me almost daily, first for benefits and then for cuddles and talking. Last week, he invited me out for karaoke at a local bar where he introduced me to people (as his friend), but spent the whole night with his arm around me. At one point, he even kissed me after I performed. But he still insists that this is a FwB relationship, and nothing more. Oh, and he isn’t seeing any other women in any sort of capacity. He is in denial over our relationship, or am I just way too into him? — Just a Friend with Benefits

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Dear Wendy: “Is It A Bad Idea To Move In With My Ex And Her Boyfriend?”

I’m planning on moving in to a new apartment with two close friends in a few months. We’re all in our mid-20s now and hang out on a weekly basis. The two of them have been dating for a little over two years now, and like the idea of sharing an apartment with a close friend before moving out completely on their own together. I’ve been friends with the girl for about nine years, and the guy for about six, and was actually the one who introduced them. The girl and I also dated for about two and a half years, but broke it off over three years ago, while still in college. After a cool-off period, we slipped back into our previous friendship far better than either of us expected, and have been extremely close since. While I’m not worried about living with the two of them, some of my family and friends think it’s a bad idea. I have no desire to get back with her, or really to change the relationship we currently have in any way. We actually lived together our senior year of college (after the breakup) with another mutual friend. That all worked out rather well, despite the obvious concerns to the contrary, so I feel we definitely have some past experience to believe there shouldn’t be any significant problems living together. Do you think having an intertwined past could prove problematic when living together? — Cautiously Optimistic

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Dear Wendy: “My BFF Dumped Me Over Facebook”

My best friend of three years recently sent me a Facebook message out of the blue telling me that she no longer wishes to be friends, or in contact, with me. Her reasoning was that being friends with me causes her “too much stress” and she has been thinking about it “for the last two months.” The two examples she gave of me causing her stress were when I got annoyed at her at a party (when she was being rude to the host) and when I got angry at her for, at the last second, choosing to go to a job over helping me move (she told me that if I wanted her help, I would have to pay her $200!). These were two small fights that we had already discussed and (I thought) had resolved. But she told me that I should no longer contact her, and even dis-invited me to a party she’s throwing. We had plans to travel abroad over winter vacation, and she was going to come to my family’s Thanksgiving this year (for the third year in a row). Why continue making plans with me if you’re thinking of dropping me as a friend? Some of our mutual friends have hypothesized that because she and her first serious boyfriend are still in the “honeymoon period” where everything is all roses and sugar, maybe she’s rejecting any relationship that isn’t “perfect” in her mind. I had a lot of problems with depression, anxiety, and suicidal tendencies when I was younger, and basically had no real friendships until around the time I met her, and her behavior is triggering some of those old feelings. I have no idea how to handle this if she refuses to even speak to me. — Confused, Hurt, and Betrayed

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What’s Your Most Over-The-Top Breakup Moment?

Breakups are never pleasant, but sometimes lovers just exacerbate the pain and humiliation. Like Anthony Hinrichs, of Madison, Wisconsin. Anthony and his gal pal Tonia were caught having sex — in a park, in broad daylight — by a team of firefighters and Anthony’s girlfriend. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Should You Mercy-Kill A Dead-End Relationship?

Bad Band. Jew Joker. Sandwich. The Brute. AwwMike. Babycheese. My laundry list of discarded loves reads like a storyboard of comic book villains, each nickname a clue as to their respective fatal flaws. Anyone who knows me well knows I have a history of dating men who are wildly inappropriate for me. It’s been a quirk I myself was willing to accept, further proof of my fun-loving, devil-may-care spirit (this despite the days and weeks of sobbing and agonizing over wholly ridiculous relationships when they inevitably ended). Keep reading »

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