A new study says it takes the typical person 17 months and 26 days to feel ready to move on after a divorce, which got me thinking: How long does it take to get over a regular ol’ breakup (you know, one that doesn’t require lawyers)? The answer, of course, is that there isn’t one right answer. It took years for me to get over my first love, someone I was with only about ten months. On the other hand, it took about six weeks before I was ready to move on after I ended a four-year, live-in relationship with another boyfriend. Of course, it actually took me the last two years we were together to finally pull the plug, but once I did there was no looking back. Keep reading »
New York magazine’s “Sex Diaries” issue is on stands now and it’s a fairly entertaining read. The feature spotlights a number of different New Yorkers who have shared the details of their sex life over a period of days. The one that interested me the most was written by a 29-year-old expat living in Cabo San Lucas with her boyfriend, or, rather, her “future ex-boyfriend” (FEB) whom she’s about to dump in favor of moving back to the states. Her sex diary is an up-and-down tale of being angry and then sad and then horny, as she and her FEB fight and then f**k. “It’s the first time I’ve ever cried during sex,” she writes, “And the first I’ve also had such a strong orgasm come with it.” Color me crazy, but when I’m angry or sad with a boyfriend, the last thing I want to do is screw. But maybe I’m alone! A commenter on her sex diary wrote, “I totally get the whole knowing-you’re-about-breakup-makes-hooking-up-awesome-thing.” Do you get it? Have you had amazing sex with someone, knowing the relationship was about to end? [NYMag.com] Keep reading »
Despite valiant human rights work on behalf of Angelina Jolie to make “the other woman” not look like a big ol’ skank, the truth is most people still think “the other woman” is … well, a big ol’ skank. And guess what, ladies?! There’s this awesome double standard where people shrug their shoulders at Mr. Married But Couldn’t Keep His Pants Zipped and say, “Boys will be boys,” while they give you the stink-eye, you home-wreckin’ ho! So you have your work cut out for you! Unfortunately, instead of hopping a cheap-o flight out of town to wash that man right out of her hair, some “other women” go a little bonkers when the man doesn’t ditch his wife.
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There’s a superstition in Caribbean culture that says you should never buy your boyfriend or girlfriend shoes because he/she will use them to walk right out of your life. The one time I accepted shoes from a boyfriend (he wasn’t Caribbean), I hadn’t asked for them, and I broke up with him about a month later — all of this is more than a coincidence in my mind. So, shoe shopping has always been one of the ways I get over a breakup, because it’s easier to walk away from Mr. Wrong when I’m wearing super hot heels. And when I really think about it, quality shoes are more supportive and uplifting than a no-good man any day. Keep reading »
He’s the perfect height. He has perfect hands. You love his sister. You love his scent. How can you be with someone who doesn’t know how to play the tuba? Or speak French? He is perfect and everything about him is perfect by association. The problem is he doesn’t want to be with you. And now you’re never going to find love again. Right? Wrong. Here is what you need to remember: Keep reading »
Think you know everything there is to know about that ex you’ve obsessed over? Well, authors Heather Belle and Michelle Fiordaliso want you to know that there is so, so much more. (Curses!) The two psychotherapists have both “professional and personal experience with exes.” Some of us could use some pro insight on factors like how to be friends with an ex, whether you should get back together, why you really shouldn’t and, say, moving on. Their new book Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Ex tackles all of this. Anything that helps us step away from the dramz is probably a good thing, right? Read it when you’re contemplating a drunk dial. [Amazon] Keep reading »
So, it’s been a year since I got dumped. Frankly, I would not blame any of you for being at the point of thinking – if not saying – “Why the f**k hasn’t this bitch gotten over this yet?” I wonder the same thing myself.
There’s that saying that it takes half the length of the relationship to “get over it.” If that were the case, I would have another year and four months to go, God help me! But actually, I’m over the heartbreak. There’s not one ounce of me that’s still physically attracted to him. While I miss the friendship we had, the way he made me laugh, the sweet things he would do, like plate the dinner he made from scratch like we were dining at a fancy restaurant, and the fun we had traveling together, I don’t miss him as my boyfriend at all. That feels so amazing, I cannot even tell you. I could do cartwheels! (If I could do cartwheels, that is.)
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You and your sweetie just don’t seem to connect as much, or as often as you used to. You fight more (or bicker about insignificant topics), you find yourself spending more time by yourself. How do you know if it is just a bad patch or if the relationship is over?
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Sept. 14 marks the year anniversary of my ex deciding to take a break from our relationship. (Which means it’s also the one year anniversary of his relationship with his subordinate! Congrats, you two!) Can you believe I’ve been writing about this s**t for a year? Even though it feels like it went by in the blink of an eye, I also realize it took a while to realize how much better off I am; there were definitely times where I felt like I would never feel happy again.The thing is, I remember so many details about that day. First I had brunch with my friend Lise from high school at Thor on the Lower East Side. I had eggs Benedict; she had an omelet. Then I went to a little shop a couple blocks away (I still shop there) and I bought a dress — black tank-style, with a red, cream, and black abstract flower pattern on the skirt. I went to get my nails done — OPI’s Lincoln Park After Dark was the shade. Then I went to Whole Foods and I bought stuff to make for dinner. I was going to cook some weird combination of sausage, red peppers, feta cheese, and whole wheat pasta based on a dish my friend Teri had concocted. I never actually made it that night, of course. All of these details are ingrained in my brain, but I suspect I’m not alone in remembering so much minutiae from the day of my worst breakup. What random details do you remember about the day of your worst heartbreak? Keep reading »