We’d like to believe that the best way to break up with a person is to sit down with them face-to-face and have an honest, open discussion about why you feel the relationship should no longer continue. After a calm, mature discussion, you will both come to the amicable conclusion that the relationship isn’t working for either of you. You’ll share a friendly hug, and part ways saying, “I’m so glad we’re still friends.”
Can someone tell me on what planet this actually happens? I’d like to go there. It sounds tranquil and civilized. Keep reading »
There’s a reason why some relationships are classified as bad, and others are classified as toxic. A bad relationship is bad on Tuesday and still bad on Saturday, but a toxic relationship is bad on Tuesday and on Saturday it’s even worse. It affects you. You need to get out not just because you aren’t happy, but because forces within the relationship are actively working to make your life worse. So why don’t you leave? Well, there’s always a reason. Here are eight that just aren’t good enough. Read more…
Breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend is tough because it involves two of the hardest things that human beings have to do in their lives: 1) making life-changing decisions, and 2) accepting the idea that in order to feel better, you must first feel worse.
The easier courses of action are: 1) do nothing and simply endure a bad relationship, or 2) decide to behave so passive-aggressively awful to the person you’re dating that you force THEM to make the hard choice and break up with you first, which honestly, Sheila, was the COWARDS way out. I BENT OVER BACKWARDS TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU AND YOU RESPOND BY HAVING SEX WITH YOUR THERAPIST? Who does that? Was it because I was the one who suggested you go into therapy in the first place? So it’s MY fault? I HAD to break up with you after that. You FORCED MY HAND. I mean look…. Keep reading »
I am fan of GOOD’s dating dealbreaker series (eerily similar to ours, but whatever) because I think it does a good job of looking back on past failed relationships and identifying the reason(s) things just didn’t work out. Sometimes these dealbreakers can seem insignificant on the surface, but actual indicate a larger problem; other times these dealbreakers are glaringly obvious compatibility flaws. Even if the specific story does not resonate with readers, the larger problems are often relatable. GOOD writer Melissa Jeltsen’s dealbreaker, according to the headline on her piece? “He Didn’t Go To College.” This made her an “obnoxious, pseudo intellectual elitist” in the words of Feministe writer Caperton.
I found Jeltsen’s story about breaking up with someone because he was not her intellectual equal to be nuanced, compelling, thoughtful, and self-reflective. Feministe’s takedown, on the other hand, while raising one or two decent points, was disproportionately nasty in tone. Yes, the title of her piece was somewhat simplistic, but it was eye-catching and likely written by her editor, as most headlines are. However, Jeltsen’s piece was about more than just breaking up with her boyfriend because he didn’t go to college. She writes that despite having a “deep and easy” connection with Duke, the boyfriend in question, she was not intellectually stimulated by him. Keep reading »
So, the other day I was talking with a dude friend of mine who’s going through a breakup. He and I dated a zillion years ago, and remained good buddies, and we often go to one another when we’re going through current relationship traumas. Breakups are universally terrible, whether you’re a girl, a dude, or something in between. But if my dude friend — and the anonymous crap dude blogger over at XOJane – are any proof, we’re given different messages about how to process our heartbreak. Take the crap dude XOJane blogger, for instance, whose friends seem to be telling him that the best way to get over his ex is to bang a zillion anonymous girls. In sum, the most ideal way to heal your heart is to treat someone else’s like crap.
We don’t really abide by that. And we think it’s about time that we help our boy friends out by offering our own tips and tricks for getting over a breakup. Remember — being a jerk begets more jerkish behavior in the world. And nobody wants that. Keep reading »
Two years into our relationship, Rick* received a verbal offer that would send him 2,500 miles away.
I couldn’t fathom how we could possibly have a successful relationship living such a great distance apart — even though I was the woman who’d urged him to apply for the job. He had asked me months before the job was even a possibility how I would feel about him splitting his time between San Francisco and Brooklyn. I uttered something along the lines, “I’m okay with that — as long as I don’t have to move.” But, once becoming long-distance became a reality, I suddenly felt abandoned. Instead of, “I’m happy for you,” our talks generally ended with me stating, “I don’t see this relationship lasting beyond December.”
I said it more than once.
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One is the loneliest number, worse than two …
Well, unless he was an asshat. In which case being a Party of One is just fine, thank you. Of course, before you can move onwards and upwards, you have to get your stuff back — whether it’s just a few pairs of dirty panties in his laundry basket or the contents of an entire “girlfriend drawer.” He’s not going to haggle over your cotton thongs (unless he’s a creep, instead of an asshat). But what about the stuff you accumulated together during the relationship?
Here’s how to make sense of who owns what following a breakup, after the jump … Keep reading »
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard “don’t date a guy who’s just broken up with someone.” No one wants to be the rebound girl. Not only is it hard on YOU, it can be just as hard on him, as he’s trying to heal from his breakup.
But sometimes, you find yourself breaking the rules, liking a guy who has just split up with his last partner, and you go with it. It feels right. So you do it. Sometimes? It works out just fine — the relationship between your partner and his ex was long over and the breakup was an inevitability.
Other times, he clearly hasn’t moved on. Here are some obvious and not-so-obvious signs that he’s not quite over his ex. Read more…
Heartbreak lingers like a hangover. You wake up but don’t want to move, and your head is spinning. Sometimes you need the greasiest pizza down the street has to offer, and sometimes you *can’t eat at all. The only thing that sounds appealing is crawling into a dark cave away from anything (which is everything) that reminds you how shitty you feel. We get it. And we’ve all been that melodramatic. The only real cure for heartbreak is time, but there are definitely ways to spend that time to expedite the process and numb the symptoms. Read more…
It is better to be single than badly accompanied: that is a truism of relationships that I’ve often reminded myself when the time came for a difficult breakup conversation. As we all know, time and distance can have blurring effects. You forget about the times he yelled at you in public or the snotty tone of voice he used when he talked down to you. You remember the cuddles and the kisses as if they were all you did, every time, even when you know this is not the whole story.
On Valentine’s Day — the day that is supposed to be about celebrating love and romance — it seems fitting to remember the guys who we are happy aren’t in our lives:
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