It went as perfectly perfect as a breakup could go, I suppose.
Only a few days after my last Dater X post, when I told you all about my hopes of moving things forward with Andrew, he came over to my place to hang out and, without warning, dropped a bomb on me. As usual, we made small talk for a while, chatting about our weekend plans and jobs, and worked our way into my bedroom. Mid-makeout session, I reached down to unzip his jeans, when his hand grabbed mine and pushed it to the side— a suspicious move for not having seen each other in a week. He sat upright, looked me in the eye and said, “Before we do this, there are some things on my mind that I think we should talk about.”
In that moment, I was sure he was going to tell me he wanted us to be exclusive, and ask me if I felt the same way. Keep reading »
Your relationship is also always changing in perceptible and imperceptible ways. Even the most rock solid union is in a state of flux. Like nature, relationships have seasons and rhythms. During each “season” you build a stronger union or drift apart. Your thoughts, words, attitudes and behaviors dictate the direction in which change moves. Are you headed toward more intimacy and closeness or away toward isolation and alienation? Read more on Your Tango…
Consciously uncouple? That’s what I wanted to do. I really, really, really did. Some would say that I had that opportunity and turned it down. The power dynamic in our relationship was so out of whack that if I had stepped into the room with a mediator, I would have caved on everything. I was so weak. I simply couldn’t hold my own, and I knew it. We were leading a very parasitic life, and I was the host and he was the parasite. The thing is, I didn’t realize where he ended and I began. I had no clear boundaries. I only knew it was unhealthy and incorrect and that I had to get out of it. Read more on Your Tango…
A few years ago, I had a Big, Terrible Breakup. I’d been living with a guy, whom I loved, wanted to marry and raise kids with. He wanted those things, too, until he didn’t. I hadn’t seen the split coming and felt completely gobsmacked.
I turned around, reactivated my OKCupid profile, and began dating immediately. That turned out to not be such a good idea. I thought I needed to distract myself (and considering I had moved back in with my parents, part of me did need to distract myself) but what I really needed was to heal. Alas, even though I was not ready to date yet in the grander scheme of things, dipping my toe back in the waters showed me there were lots other guys out there. It took me a couple months to admit that there could be someone out there better for me than Ex-Mr. Jessica. But my acceptance wasn’t necessarily due to anything particularly convincing he said while we were breaking up; it came from meeting other guys online who, in integral ways, seemed like they’d be a better fit.
That’s not to say that I limped off my injury gracefully. Not much at all, in fact. I passed many, many months during 2011 mired in bitterness — hurt, resentful, and very angry. Keep reading »
We knew that some conservatives have a boner for (heterosexual, of course) marriage. But did you know they get equally hard for stopping couples from being able to divorce? As Scott Keyes writes in a must-read piece for The Washington Post, politicians in over a dozen states have introduced bills making it harder for a couple to end their union. Keep reading »