Monday was my birthday. I turned 28. That would have sounded old to me when I was in college or even as recently as when I was 26. Today, it sounds perfect—young, in fact, and exactly where I want to be. During lunch on my birthday, I took a walk near Central Park and got to thinking about how much my outlook has changed and the route that got me here.
Two years ago this June, my whole world turned upside down. During the course of a few weeks, my boyfriend of over three years broke up with me, I had to find a new apartment (a result of the breakup), and I started my first full-time job in New York City. Since I’d allowed my world to revolve around him, I had very few friends in the city. The friends I did have were so amazing that it still makes me cry in gratitude; nonetheless, this was a breakup of ugly proportions—one that involved a lease, money, each other’s families and the kind of shattered expectations that led to deep bouts of pessimism, sadness, fear and nostalgia. Keep reading »
With all this guilt we’ve been trying to unload lately, it seems there’s still guilt surrounding one very sensitive issue: breaking up with friends. Even though we know there are plenty of good reasons to end friendships that no longer work, it’s still super hard to pull the trigger. In a study at the University of Manchester in England involving 200 people, researchers discovered what most of us already know: “There is a real sense of duty which is hard to break. The ethics of friendship are very strong which makes it very hard to end a friendship, even when it has stopped being fun, because we feel terribly guilty about it.” Research showed that, duh, it’s often easier and less traumatic to do the ol’ “fade away” rather than making a clean break. And, wow, researchers even found that being on the receiving end of a friendship breakup sucks and can leave you feeling “betrayed and full of self-doubt.” You don’t say! So, what have been your experiences with friendship breakups? Have you done the fade-away or made an outright breakup? Have you been the dumper or the dumpee? [via Daily Mail] Keep reading »
A friend of mine broke up with her live-in boyfriend last week, and while she’s doing fine, her cat isn’t.
Ever since my friend’s boyfriend moved out of the apartment they shared, her cat has been acting up. The feline has been relieving himself on the ex’s side of the bed every change it gets, and when she closed the bedroom door to prevent this from happening, the cat peed on the couch.
It’s pretty normal for kids whose parents are splitting up to go through a period of rebellion, and of course there’s often the question of who gets to keep dog, but I’d never heard of pets being upset when a relationship ended. Have your pets ever acted out after a breakup? Keep reading »
Well, another famous couple bites the dust, only this time, it doesn’t appear like a half dozen mistresses and a Nazi photo are to blame. Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy, who I was surprised to find out were together for a whopping five years, both announced they had split via Twitter late yesterday. Each tweet was totally respectful and admiring, so I guess we can assume it was an amicable breakup, but dudes, I’m bummed. It’s super sad that I’ve naturally come to consider five years an epically long time, when, in actuality, it’s but a blip. In other news, GILFs everywhere are celebrating that they no longer have to compete with Jenny. [DListed] Keep reading »
Last week I wrote a post called “15 Signs It’s Time To Break Up,” which got some great comments, including one from Humble Bee, who said, “How about a list about breaking up with a friend? Sometimes its really obvious that they aren’t looking for your best interest, but we keep ignoring it just because we have known them for so long, or because they know so much about us that we just put up with their s**t all the time.” The Frisky abides! Here are 12 signs it’s time to drop a toxic friend like a hot potato. Keep reading »
At a long-ago birthday party, my cartoonist friend Peter gave me a framed piece of his artwork. As he handed it over, he said, “This is for you, so no matter what happens with him, it’s yours.” At the time I thought it was weird. After all, my boyfriend and I were never ever going to break up.
When my boyfriend dumped me a few months later, Peter’s painting was the first thing I packed.
Though The New York Post recently ran a story about couples signing “pre-prenups” before marriage is even on the table, most cohabiting, or even co-existing, couples don’t bother. I mean, if it’s legalities you want, either get married or go down to City Hall and register as domestic partners.
And besides, without kids or shared property, what’s the law going to do for you? Gifts are one thing, but what of the random detritus that gets left behind? Is Johnny Law really going to help you get your Ramones shirt back? Probably not. So most couples figure this stuff out themselves. Keep reading »
It can be hard sometimes to know when a relationship is over-over, or when you simply need a bit of a tune-up. Take the guesswork out of the equation with these 15 signs it’s time to break up, after the jump. Keep reading »
Reader Dance snapped this photo in the Mission part of San Francisco.
Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send your pic to firstname.lastname@example.org. Keep reading »
In my “Dear Wendy” advice column, I’m often telling people (usually to a chorus of “hell yeahs” from the peanut gallery) to dump their no-good, not-right-for-them, space-filler boyfriends and girlfriends. I’m convinced many people write to advice columnists hoping for validation in making those difficult decisions. But, of course, ending a bad relationship is always easier said than done. Check out some tips for leaving a relationship that isn’t working from the Daily Mail, plus a few from yours truly… Keep reading »
It never fails to amaze me that every time I write a post about broken engagements, many commenters are most interested in discussing what the proper etiquette is when it comes to keeping or giving back the engagement ring. [You know where I stand and, as expected, some of you disagreed. In general I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all approach and you should definitely do what feels right for you and your former fiance. However, the "experts" do have strong opinions on the matter. This "Debate This" ran in March 2008 (before I got un-engaged, FYI), but I believe it covers two popular views on the issue. -- Editor]
Engagements are all congratulatory wishes and bridal showers until they end without a wedding. Along with the usual breakup activities — “dividing of things,” “starting over of lives” — there’s the even more awkward “deciding of who gets to keep the 10-karat (or 1-karat) ring.” According to a Conde Nast Bridal Media study, the average engagement ring cost is $4,435, so this ain’t chump change. We ask two people in the wedding industry who gets to keep the rock, after the jump, and then ask you to take a position in the comments. Keep reading »