Tag Archives: breaking up

Mind Of Man: The Best Part Of Breaking Up

The best part of a breakup is wallowing. There are five stages immediately following a breakup, and they aren’t denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They are as follows: shock, blubbering, wallowing, staring blankly at walls, and finally, dancing. The final stage is usually preceded by a music montage featuring upbeat adult contemporary music, a shopping spree, and a night out with your best slutty friend. But of all these stages, the one I enjoy the most is wallowing. It’s the best part of breaking up or getting dumped, because there is no such thing as a “mutual breakup.” That concept is strictly for the press. One party always wants the breakup a little more than the other party. Not that I’m advocating dramatic split-ups that resemble NASCAR fireballs. But one person is always left sniffing a forgotten, leftover sleeping shirt, searching for a whiff of their lover’s familiar funk. The wishbone never cracks completely in two. Keep reading »

When To Shut Up And When To Speak Up About Why You’re Breaking Up

When I discovered one long-term, live-in ex had been cheating on me—long after we’d split—I was shocked. I’d had my suspicions, but he’d always been so judgmental about philandering friends and sanctimonious about his own fidelity, I figured I was just the jealous crazy lady he kept accusing me of being. So when he broke up with me, I had no clue as to why and desperately tried to talk him into loving me again. (It was every bit as humiliating as that sentence would lead you to believe.)

I have yet to experience the pain-free breakup, but I wondered if knowing the truth about this situation would’ve helped me heal faster. I mean, I’ve been less than up-front with certain guys I’ve broken up with. So when isn’t honesty the best policy? Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Is There A Statute Of Limitations On Apologies After A Breakup?

My sophomore year of college I had a boyfriend who cared for me more than I cared for him. Devin* was a nice guy who treated me well, but after maybe five months of dating, I broke up with him in the kindest way I could have. It was a clean break for me, but Devin needed — insisted, in fact — to know the details of why I was breaking up with him. If I remember correctly, he said he needed to know why I didn’t love him so he could get over me. But the honest truth is he hadn’t done or said anything wrong. I wasn’t angry at him. There wasn’t another guy. It was painfully simple: I just didn’t like Devin’s personality anymore. Somehow, at his insistence, I must have explained this to him, because eventually he stopped calling.

A year later, Devin published his first novel and gave an interview with a major media outlet and said he wrote the gang rape scene in his book after I had broken up with him. I remember sending him an email about that at the time, but I don’t remember what I said in it. I just know I was freaked out and disgusted. Keep reading »

JetBlue Pilot Allegedly Threatened To Crash His Plane After Fight With Girlfriend

Massachusetts police took a gun from a JetBlue pilot at Logan Airport after he allegedly fought with his girlfriend and then told a friend he was was going to kill himself in a “spectacular fashion.” Eeek! But it gets worse: Boston’s local WBZ News Radio also reported that the pilot, whose name is being kept anonymous, emailed his girlfriend and threatened to crash an airplane. JetBlue, however, has called the plane crash threat “vicious rumor and speculation.”
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Girl Talk: I Pretended We Were Right For Each Other

I met Brad* a few months after my first serious relationship blew up in my face. He was pretty much everything my ex wasn’t, and after getting a few rebound flings out of the way, I thought maybe I’d found someone I could really feel safe with. True, he didn’t have the intellectual prowess my ex had; he wasn’t terribly charming or adventurous, and as far as I could tell, he didn’t have much passion for anything other than golf. But he was nice and respectful … and comfortable. My grandmother once described him like “an old shoe,” and that actually wasn’t far from the truth. He was completely different from my usual type, and therefore, I figured he’d never hurt me the way my ex had. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Ex Still Contacts My Kids On Facebook”

I’m a single mom and I recently broke off a relationship of about a year with a guy who’s a single dad. I grew up in a step-family and could see danger ahead if we continued the relationship. Just suffice it to say that my kids are a big part of my life, but for my former SO, his kid IS his life. Here’s what I question: when I dumped him, of course, he unfriended me on Facebook. While I don’t live and die by my online presence, what bugs me (although I don’t know if it should) is that he has kept all my kids as Facebook friends. He comments on their posts, and sends them messages! I don’t stalk him online, but other than block my kids from my feeds, I keep seeing the comments. In the real world, I really don’t think ex-SOs would keep in contact with kids, but who knows? I thought maybe you could give me some perspective! — Single Mom

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Cash & Coupling: How To Cover Your Ass-ets During A Breakup

You’ve discovered your union is more Ben and J. Lo than Ben and J-Gar. Some things just weren’t meant to be. Luckily for you, making a few dumb decisions on love doesn’t mean you — or your finances — are doomed for all eternity. As long as you’re smart enough to avoid a major financial setback during your breakup (and, of course, avoid making “Gigli 2”), you’ll emerge a little heartbroken but with a bank account as strong as ever. Here’s how to cover your “ass-ets” when you’re breaking up. Keep reading »

10 Signs It’s Time To Get Over A Breakup And Move On

If I could have all the months — nay, years — back that I spent wallowing over a breakup, I’d have enough time to travel around the world twice, become fluent in French, and cook all the recipes in all the cookbooks on my shelf. And I have a feeling I’m not alone. After all, it’s healthy to grieve over the end of a relationship, but it’s hard to always know when it’s time to move on. After the jump, 10 signs it’s time to get over it. Keep reading »

4 Questions To Ask Your Next Potential Boyfriend

My pal Stella* is going through a terrible breakup with a horrible man. Like most of us, Stella knows how to deal with their split (time, wine, chocolate, more wine, more time), but she was concerned about the bigger picture. Why had she gotten herself mixed up with this jackass in the first place? Or the moron before him? Or the cad prior to that one?

Being a sensible lady, Stella called her old therapist in order to get some perspective and guidance. Surely a licensed professional would have some clue.

Sure enough, she did. After giving my friend a dose of very tough love, Ms. Shrinky Dink gave her a list of questions to ask the next man she considers dating. According to the good doctor, the answers will tell her everything she needs to know before getting in too deep. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “How Can I Gently Dump My Boyfriend?”

It’s time again for “Shortcuts,” wherein I answer readers’ letters in two sentences or less. Sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss ending dead-end relationships and how to scare a guy off in three easy steps. Keep reading »

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