Tag Archives: breaking up

Dear Wendy Updates: “Conflicted About Moving” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Conflicted About Moving,” whose boyfriend dumped her after she quit her job to move with him. Luckily, she was able to get her job back, but her boyfriend reunited with her and asked her to quit her job again to move for her. “He’s suggesting I leave a resignation letter the day of and never return, but that’s just not my style.” she wrote. “Is it fair to quit my job twice within a week’s time? What would you do?” I told her to dump the guy of course, and after the jump, you’ll find out whether she followed my advice and how she’s doing now. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I’m Not Sure I Want To Marry My Fiancé”

I’m 22 years old and my fiancé is 25. We are supposed to get married this October, but I’m having second thoughts. We’ve been together for over five years and were neighbors growing up. We both dropped out of college, but I have always held down a full-time job, whereas he got laid off and spent a whole year unemployed. I feel like I have a lot of resentment towards him because he had no excuse to not find a job. He didn’t have the ‘drive’ or ‘ambition’ that I wanted him to have. Since last June, he’s been a truck driver, a job that requires him to be gone sometimes a week at a time or longer with only one or two days home. Also, he still lives at home, and the thought of him being so dependent on his parents bothers me. A little over two years ago, he was really wanting to get married, but I kept telling him I wanted to wait until I was at least 21 so I could legally drink at our wedding. I think I was just making an excuse. He proposed after I turned 21, and some days I’m so happy to be engaged to him and some days I’m not. In addition to our other issues, our sex life is not okay. He always wants to have sex and I hardly ever do. I don’t really know why I don’t because he isn’t bad, but I just feel like I’m not attracted to him anymore. He is the only relationship I have ever been in and I don’t want to lose him but I don’t want to ‘settle’ either. I want to talk to him about it but I don’t want to hurt him. I guess now that we’re paying down payments for venues, buying a wedding gown and setting up classes with my pastor, getting married is hitting me. I don’t want to be a divorce statistic. — Cold Feet

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I Will Survive

At first I was afraid, I was petrified … and then I realized I’m awesome and forgot about that loser. But if your breakup isn’t going as swiftly, get your hands on this “I Will Survive.” The Band-aid-like tin comes with a heart-shaped charm, a remedy booklet, and your very own recovery certificate. Most importantly, it also comes with affirmation cards for those dark moments when you can’t see out from the bottom of the pint of Chunky Monkey. Get this “I Will Survive” Breakup Kit and pair it with The Frisky’s very own 30-Day Breakup Guide, duh!

[$12.99 Mod Cloth]

Dear Wendy: “How Do You Dump A Nice Guy?”

I have been dating my boyfriend for seven months now (exclusive for four). We took things slowly because I had just come out of another relationship and I didn’t want him to be a rebound. Unfortunately, it seems that’s what he is, though. He is really kind and very thoughtful but I am not in love with him. He is a little bland, and though he will make some girl very happy, it’s not going to be me. I think he’s very serious about me, and I realize I am making it worse by waiting, but this feeling only crystallized last week. My ex-boyfriend dumped me completely out of the blue and I’m worried about hurting my current boyfriend the same way. A year and a half later, I still have not recovered, and we had been together roughly the same amount of time. I know my current boyfriend has a lot of support and people to turn to, so he will cope, but I need some help on how to proceed. Either way, he’s going to get hurt but I don’t know if I should tell him all the truth or just part of the truth (and if so which part of the truth?) — Reluctant Dumper

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Site Makes Facebook Stalking Your Crush So Much Easier

You’ve got a raging crush, but the dude is taken. Instead of watching his Facebook page, like some sort of psycho, waiting for his relationship status to change to “Single,” a href=”http://www.breakupnotifier.com/” target=”new”>Breakup Notifier will email you when the deed is done. Because that’s way, way less creepy. [Breakup Notifier via Buzzfeed] Keep reading »

Do We All Need To Learn How To Date?


Yesterday afternoon, I met up with an old ex-boyfriend for coffee. He’s staunch Catholic who was seriously considering joining the priesthood while we were dating; he has always been a lovely person, albeit more conservative than me. (He also happens to be my token pro-life friend.) I was filling him in on the past few years and months of my life — falling in love, getting dumped, moving out — and how I am growing from it. In the past, I have felt overwhelmed as the caretaker in a relationship, and going forward I would like to be with a stronger, more traditional alpha male type. I used to be a more casual hang-out-and-hook-up-er before; now I would like to date with the intention of a serious relationship.

He suggested I check out Kerry Cronin. Kerry Cronin is a professor at Boston College and although she runs a philosophy institute there, she is most well-known for an assignment in one of her classes called the dating assignment. The rules of the dating assignment are as follows: Everyone — male or female — must ask someone else out on a date. They must do it in person or over the phone, but not via text message or email. They have to pay for the date, they have to keep it to only 90 minutes, and the only physical contact at the end of the date can be a brief hug.

You can check out Kerry Cronin’s rules of the first date (or “level one” dating) in the video above and videos on how to transition to “level two” dating and “level three” dating after the jump. Keep reading »

Are Men Better Boyfriends In Their Next Relationship?

Lately we’ve been talking a bit about breakups and the lessons we learn from relationships that have ended — but do men actually get more out of a “failed” relationship than women? A guy friend of mine, let’s call him Adam, says — and we’re both aware that this is generalization — that men are almost always better boyfriends in their next relationship than they were in the one that came before it. Hence the reason why women can sometimes be heard complaining, post-breakup, something along the lines of, “The girl who gets him next is getting all of the benefits of my hard work! He wasn’t this sensitive/emotional mature/considerate when we first started dating — I had to teach him all that! And now some other chick is going to get to enjoy all those things, having no idea that it was my doing. No fair!” C’mon, you know you’ve at least thought something similar about an ex. I know I have! Keep reading »

7 Things We Hate About The Way Men Break Up With Us

There’s never a perfect way to execute a breakup. But there’s certainly things men do that make it worse. (Or the way women break up with us, for those of you who are Sapphic-ly inclined.)

For instance, I had a guy break up with me after I’d just had sex with him and paid for his takeout sushi. My most recent breakup happened over the phone, he lined up a date with another girl literally the next week using a gift certificate his father had given me for Christmas, and he removed all my things from our bedroom and piled them on the kitchen table to “help” me move out. Oh, and there was the whole threatening to throw my things in the trash thing! That was fun, too. Really, a lovely breakup it was.

I know women who have gotten dumped on or just before Valentine’s Day. I know women who’ve gotten dumped over IM. I know women who have been cheated on with other women in their office. There’s clearly a lot of foul play out there when it comes to breaking up … so let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Keep reading »

7 Terrible Breakups I’m Thankful For

Breakups suck. But after a little time has passed, you may find yourself feeling relieved, reflective and actually — dare we say — thankful that you and your former dude are no longer together. Breakups and how they’re done can teach us lots of valuable lessons about who we are and what we want. They can also be maddening, depressing and straight up rude. Still, all in all, practically every breakup has made me thankful, too–either that I’m no longer with that person or that I’ve learned something valuable about them. After the jump, some of the breakups I’m most thankful for.

And tell us yours in the comments! Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I’m Not Ready To Date Again

Last week, I went on a date. I haven’t been on a date in two years, owing to the relationship I was in that recently ended, and it was the most nerve wracking experience since the first day of high school. I tried on, like, six different outfits. I spent an hour and a half showering and doing my hair and makeup. As I walked to the restaurant where we’d agreed to meet for dinner, I forced myself to take long, deep breaths of the cold February air to calm down. It only kind of worked.

There’s no question my two-year relationship changed me from being the kind of girl who would sleep with two different men in one weekend just to have fun to a “relationship girl.” I feel like my wild oats were thoroughly sown — which is a good thing! — and that I matured a lot in the past few years. After the security, intimacy and love that I had with Ex-Mr. Jessica, I don’t think I could go backwards to being the rowdy girl I was before. At least right now, hopping in and out of bed with different dudes for fun just plain doesn’t interest me.

But I don’t know if I can do the exact opposite, either. The idea of dating someone seriously again, with the intention a relationship, is seriously daunting. Remember, I was dumped only a little over a month ago. Dipping my pinky toe into dating again — albeit briefly — has only shown me it’s too soon: I am still way, way, waaaay too messed up by all the things Ex-Mr. Jessica did to me to do this. Keep reading »

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