Tag Archives: breaking up

Dear Wendy Updates: “Righteous” Responds

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 24, 2011 //

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Righteous” who wondered if it would be appropriate or simply “stirring up old history” if she were to apologize to an ex with whom she caused an ugly breakup. After the jump, find out whether she apologized to the guy and how she’s doing today. Plus, I’ve got some exciting news of my own I want to share, so keep reading. Keep reading »

21 Things It’s Totally OK To Do After A Breakup

Jessica WakemanJanuary 18, 2011 //

In the weeks since my breakup, I have tried to be gentle with myself and practice self-care. I’m not always so good at self-care; normally I’m the type of person who says “should” a lot. I should watch this intellectual documentary. I should watch the news instead of a “Jersey Shore” marathon. It’s hard for me to just let loose and have fun. But I’m trying to give myself permission to do whatever it is I feel like doing that feels good! I’ve slept 10 hours a night and taken naps in the afternoon. I’ve baked chocolate chip cookies — twice. I’ve watched God-knows-how-many movies and episodes of “Skins,” season two, on Netflix Instant. I’ve squashed that little voice in my head that says, “You’re annoying them!” and called my best girl friends when I’ve needed to talk. I’ve even gone to a yoga class. I have to say that even though I don’t feel 100 percent better, I’m doing a decent job of distracting myself. But I know I’m not the only one who needs distracting: tons of Frisky commentors have told me they are going through breakups right now, too. So, in the spirit of self-care, I hereby give you permission to do any of the following things. If you’ve just gone through a breakup, it’s totally OK to … Keep reading »

Girl Talk: On Falling Out Of Love

Jessica WakemanJanuary 13, 2011 //
broken heart photo

For nearly two years I was with the man I thought I was going to marry, have children with and spend the rest of my life with. I loved him so all-consumingly that I worried about his death. Driving on highways or flying on airplanes, it didn’t matter; I just thought of what risks it posed to him and how terribly in pain I would feel if he were ever to be gone from my life. Even though I felt a bit silly worrying about him, I couldn’t help myself. We used to say we were half of each other. He would say to me that he couldn’t wait to grow old with me. We were intimately close and open with each other in a way I’ve never been before and in a way I know I won’t find easily again.

He broke up with me after New Year’s suddenly and without warning. Now, I marvel at how quickly it’s taken me to fall out of love with him. How very, very odd it is to look inside myself to see if there’s any little bit that still loves him after what he’s done to me. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Fiancé Has Cold Feet”

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 13, 2011 //

I am in my mid-twenties, currently engaged to and living with a man I love and respect very much. We got engaged after only nine months, and in total, we’ve only been together for a little over a year. His proposal was a total shock; I was perfectly happy to just be together without rushing things, but I have to admit, it feels right to be going ahead with this. About a week ago, when I brought up marriage plans over dinner, my fiancé got visibly upset, and started talking about how “some couples just don’t ever get married” and how he thinks that’s a good way to go. He also started talking about changing the wedding plans to something much smaller than we had discussed. He later even talked about putting the wedding off indefinitely. He assured me that he’s very much in love with me, and it’s not the thought of marrying ME that’s putting him off, but the idea of losing his independence and stagnating after he gets married. I want to reassure him and talk it over, but part of me thinks he probably just needs to stew over it for awhile (I did the same thing, to a lesser degree). My question is, do I give him his space to just work it out? How much space? At what point does it make sense to call off the engagement? I feel silly being engaged with no wedding on the horizon. Regardless, I’m still committed; I just need to know where I/we stand so I can make life plans. Advice? — Bride in Question

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Girl Talk: I May Be Single, But I Am Not Alone

Jessica WakemanJanuary 11, 2011 //

I’ve always been kind of a loner. While I’m silly and funny and irreverent with one or two people, I clam up in social settings and in groups. I think this is why I’m a good interviewer: I focus very intently and intensely on one person. More specifically, I need a lot of time in my own head to think. The two activities that I love the most — writing and reading — both require being alone. As with anything, I’m sure I came to be like this with some combination of nurture and nature. I am the youngest of five kids, so I learned as a child to be in the physical presence of other people but still do my own thing. But my parents were pretty preoccupied with stuff going on in my brother’s life from the time that I was 14 years old onward, so I also learned how to be independent. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Welcome To Heartbreak

Jessica WakemanJanuary 7, 2011 //
broken heart photo

In the past three days, I have been suddenly and unexpectedly broken up with by my boyfriend of almost two years and asked to move out of the apartment that we have shared for a year and a half. The past few days have been horrible and sad, but mostly filled with dread about the uncertainty of the future. It feels like a nightmare that I am going to wake up from; a few times I’ve asked myself if I lost my mind a la “Black Swan” and this reality isn’t real. This morning I stood in line at Starbucks and pulled back the pinky finger on my hand, bent it so far until it hurt. Okay, I thought, I must be awake and alive. This must actually be my life. I don’t know how it is that I have put on pants every day, brushed my teeth, written emails, written blogs posts, done my laundry, and eaten food. My heart feels so bad I can’t believe I’m not glued to my bedsheets. Maybe I’m just in so much disbelief that I am numb. Keep reading »

Jake And Taylor Are No More

Julie GersteinJanuary 5, 2011 //

It appears that Hollywood’s most puzzling pair has called it quits. The Jake Gyllenhaal/Taylor Swift relationship is dunzo. Gyllenswift, as we like to call them, apparently called it quits last month, even after Jake purchased Taylor an exorbitantly expensive guitar for her birthday. Maybe Gyllenhaal got sick of staring into Swift’s squinty eyes. Or sick of not being able to go to a bar with his still-underage girlfriend. Or maybe all that coffee was giving him bowel issues. Or perhaps Taylor wasn’t into dating a guy born in the, gasp, ’80s. Either way, we’re sure Swift will write a song about it. [People] Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I Got Dumped. Should I MOA?”

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 5, 2011 //

My boyfriend of seven months broke up with me last week. He made it clear that no part of the breakup was my fault, that he still loved me, but did not think he was capable of being in a relationship. He is in the process of getting divorced. His wife of one year, whom he had dated for nearly a decade, left him for a man 10 years her junior during a rough period of my guy’s life. He had just lost two people very close to him. We started dating fairly early in his separation and he thinks he didn’t have time to properly heal. When breaking up, he told me he sees a real chance for us in the future and isn’t planning on dating anyone else right now, though he knows it’s unfair to expect the same from me. He said the pressure of a relationship is holding him back from getting past certain problems in his life and completely healing from the divorce. (Also, there is no chance he is having second thoughts about his divorce.) He insists he wants to remain close and since the breakup, we still talk daily and have made plans to hang out tomorrow (I refuse to be intimate with him while broken up). I want to believe him but the people around me (who haven’t met him) seem to think this is just a thing guys say when they want out or to date other people but still keep a woman in tow. A part of me feels like if I was really worth it to him, he would have fought more. Am I being too naive? Is this a MOA situation? — Cautiously Optimistic

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Dear Wendy: “I’ve Fallen Out Of Love With My Deployed Boyfriend”

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 3, 2011 //

I have been dating the same guy for almost two years now and he joined the Marines literally like a week into our relationship. I barely see him and he is currently deployed. I did think I was in love with him but since he’s been gone my feelings have gotten more and more weak and I talked to my friends and family about what I should do but they all say it would be horrible of me to end our relationship while he is gone, especially because he lent me his car while he is away. But I can’t help feeling myself drifting further and further away from him and just wanting to be able to go out and be a teenager. What do I do!? — Military Girlfriend

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Dear Wendy: “Do I Need To Go Wild And Crazy Before Settling Down?”

Wendy AtterberryDecember 31, 2010 //

It’s time again for “Shortcuts.” For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss whether or not one needs to be wild and crazy before settling down, dealing with a boyfriend’s bad communication style, and what to do when a fiancé ups and moves with no notice. Keep reading »

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