Last week, I went on a date. I haven’t been on a date in two years, owing to the relationship I was in that recently ended, and it was the most nerve wracking experience since the first day of high school. I tried on, like, six different outfits. I spent an hour and a half showering and doing my hair and makeup. As I walked to the restaurant where we’d agreed to meet for dinner, I forced myself to take long, deep breaths of the cold February air to calm down. It only kind of worked.
There’s no question my two-year relationship changed me from being the kind of girl who would sleep with two different men in one weekend just to have fun to a “relationship girl.” I feel like my wild oats were thoroughly sown — which is a good thing! — and that I matured a lot in the past few years. After the security, intimacy and love that I had with Ex-Mr. Jessica, I don’t think I could go backwards to being the rowdy girl I was before. At least right now, hopping in and out of bed with different dudes for fun just plain doesn’t interest me.
But I don’t know if I can do the exact opposite, either. The idea of dating someone seriously again, with the intention a relationship, is seriously daunting. Remember, I was dumped only a little over a month ago. Dipping my pinky toe into dating again — albeit briefly — has only shown me it’s too soon: I am still way, way, waaaay too messed up by all the things Ex-Mr. Jessica did to me to do this. Keep reading »
Once upon a time, breakups meant saying goodbye and storing away your old love letters, but today’s technology makes it almost impossible to completely part ways. Typical distractions like vacations, dance classes or even new love interests can’t keep you from regretfully browsing your ex’s Facebook profile.
With that in mind, we’ve launched our Break Up With Your Ex campaign to encourage people to digitally disconnect from their ex by February 13, National Break Up With Your Ex Day.
Sure, it’s time-consuming and awkward to unfriend your ex on Facebook, remove him from your chat list, or to tell him to stop contacting you. But if those things are keeping you from recovering, what’s a half-hour of deleting and a couple weeks of awkwardness compared to months of perpetuated angst? Is electronically blocking someone so much worse than finding out via his Facebook newsfeed that he has a new girlfriend? Keep reading »
What’s a clever way of getting back at an ex in the digital age? By sullying his name on Google images. Jack Weppler’s ex-girlfriend took his professional headshot and went to town LOLCats-style, ensuring that a Google Image search for his name, perhaps performed by an interested casting director, would yield nothing but the embarrassing images. Jack’s mom is fighting to get the images removed, but until then, um, LOLJK? [Buzzfeed] Keep reading »
Yesterday I was idly reading the comments on one of my posts on The Frisky when a partner link caught my eye: “7 Things You Shouldn’t Tell Your Boyfriend.” Shouldn’t tell your boyfriend? I thought. I always told my boyfriend everything. Like, EVERYTHING. He knew about my bouts with depression. He knew about my brother’s struggles with drug addiction and alcoholism. He knew about how much I owe in student loans. He knew about my spanking fetish. He knew about my desire for dominant/submissive sex. He knew about the May-December romance I had with a 37-year-old man when I was 22. He knew when I farted and burped and had the flu. He knew what I looked like in sweatpants, in no makeup, and in sweatpants and no makeup. During the two years that we dated, he was my best friend Why wouldn’t he know these things?
Then a light went off in my head. I picked up my cell phone and dialed Amelia. “Do you think the reason our relationships didn’t work out is because our partners were our best friends first, instead of our lovers?” I asked. “Do you think we didn’t keep the romance alive?” Keep reading »
“Do you love her?” I finally asked my ex in the midst of our screaming match last late night. He paused for a minute. I could hear him breathing deeply over the phone line, slow and steady—he could have been at a yoga studio, contorted and wearing orange spandex, or practicing Lamaze breathing for the birth of his first child. Instead, he was verbally (and angrily) tracing the end of our relationship. The truth of his new relationship had been so obscured in various manipulations, that despite approaching a year of us not dating I really had no idea where “they” were.
“Yes,” he said, and my heart grew very still. Somewhere after he listed the third or fourth reason why she was better than me, I interrupted, “Stop. Just. Stop. I can’t do this with you anymore.” I hung up the phone, curled up in bed, and went to sleep. Keep reading »
You lose a lot of things in a breakup. You lose your partner, of course. But also to varying degrees you lose your feelings of security, dignity and trust. You lose that incredible French toast recipe only he committed to memory and all the TV shows you had saved in your TiVo queue. Maybe, like me, you only realize after the fact that you left behind your apron, a bunch of your socks, and a pair of mittens. Or, horror of horrors, also like me, you leaped out of bed one night, furiously looking in the designated Bag O’ Sex Toys you discreetly moved out of your apartment, looking for that one vibrator with the out-of-this-world speeds … and you realize you lost it. Keep reading »
It was insanely beautiful. A round diamond in the middle, surrounded by a ring of tiny diamonds, set in platinum. It was custom-designed, but looked vintage. I had never thought much about diamonds — in fact, all of my jewelry, save the pair of diamond studs he had gifted me a couple years before, was from Forever 21 — but it was as if my boyfriend of four years knew exactly what kind of ring I would want when he proposed. I must have said, “Oh my god” 100 times. I wore the ring with love and pride up until we broke up nine-and-a-half months later. Keep reading »
After my recent breakup, 95 percent of the comments that people have made to me have been loving, supportive and wonderful.
And then there were the ones that were not. Well-meaning? Sure. But not helpful.
One person, for instance, called my Asian ex-boyfriend a “fortune cookie-roller.” Racism? Not helpful. One of my girl friends read his Facebook page and proceeded to tell me all the books and movies he likes that signify he’s a loser. Dissing the man I (still) love? Not helpful.
After the jump, 11 more things you should think twice, and then three times, about saying to a woman who has just been dumped. Keep reading »
Of all the aspects that were difficult about my recent breakup from my boyfriend of two years, the hardest was moving out of the apartment that we shared together. You can verbally say all kinds of things: we’re broken up, we’re on a break, we’re seeing other people, whatever. Those words might change from day to day. But pulling your sundresses off the closet hangers feels final. Same goes for taking your face wash out of the shower. I built a life, a relationship, with someone and then all of a sudden, it was just my things in an apartment that was now his. Keep reading »