Tag Archives: breaking up

Dating Don’ts: Should You Unfriend Your Ex?

Dating Don’ts: Should You Unfriend Your Ex?

There’s a perverse pleasure in keeping tabs on your ex-paramours on social media. Perhaps you monitor their Twitter feed before you to go bed to see if you can gauge whether there was a more salacious reason behind their sudden decision to end things. Maybe after a couple glasses of wine and watching half of “The Notebook,” you find yourself scrolling through Instagram, making assessments about whether or not the person that showed up in their feed is a friend, a good coworker, or a cousin you never knew about. Maybe seeing the articles that they share from Upworthy and the Onion in your Facebook feed is a way of keeping them in your life, if even for a little while.

Whatever your reasons are, the need to keep up with people that you’re no longer involved with is very real, a secret shame that we don’t often feel comfortable talking about with others. It’s okay to maintain this behavior up until a certain point, but in every broken relationship’s wake, there comes a point when it’s time to unfriend, unfollow, block, and mute, to completely and totally DISCONNECT. Ripping off the Band-Aid sucks, but it’s necessary when you’re trapped in an unhealthy cycle of speculation three months or three years after you guys have ended things. But when is the appropriate time? Here are some potential situations you might find yourself in, and some gentle guidance on when and how to disconnect. Keep reading »

Jewel Is Divorcing Her Husband & Her Conscious Uncoupling Statement Is Out-Gwynething Gwyneth

My husband, friend and partner of 16 years and I have decided to get a divorce.

Ty and I have always tried to live the most authentic life possible, and we wanted our separation as husband and wife to be nothing less loving than the way we came together. For some time we have been engaged in a private and difficult, but thoughtful and tender undoing of ourselves. Allowing ourselves the time and space to redefine what we are to each other with love rather than malice.

We have been so aware that it is easiest to use the inertia of anger to leverage two souls apart who have been bound together by so much living. By a child.  But we did not want anger to burn the ties that bound us. Instead we have chosen the much more difficult task of undoing ourselves stitch by stitch, and releasing each other with love so that we may take on our new form: dear friends and devoted co-parents of our beloved son Kase. We have no desire to damage ourselves and each other in the process. Who better than each other to bear witness to the heart ache of redefining our family?  And who better as ally, while we learn to redraw ourselves in whatever new shape we find as separate people who are still striving to be the best versions of ourselves- as humans and as parents.

This is part of Jewel‘s personal statement on her web site announcing a divorce from her husband of six years, rodeo champion Ty Murray. Oh, but it continues: Keep reading »

Dater X: Getting Back On The Horse

Dater X: Getting Back On The Horse

The first week after a breakup is always the most difficult. The rejection is fresh and the sting still burns, which makes it that much harder to remind yourself that the relationship is over, and that, despite how it feels at the time, things will get better. Those first few days are also crucial in determining how you’ll handle the rest of the breakup. The decision to end things takes only a moment, but coping with that loss can take days, months, or even years. And in my opinion, the tone of that “healing period” is set early on. Will you continue to communicate, cut each other off cold turkey, or decide to have casual sex until he realizes he wants you and only you? After my breakup with Andrew, I chose my path, and thankfully, it resulted in clarity.

When Andrew blindsided me with the truth bomb that he wasn’t ready for a girlfriend, I knew I’d be incapable of carrying on any kind of communication or relationship with him without developing muddled feelings. We both agreed it was best to sever ties. About a week later, I went out with friends for drinks, headed back home alone and found myself aching to text him. Keep reading »

11 Types Of Exes We’ve All Had

If it’s been six months since you broke up with your ex and he’s still texting you daily asking what you had for lunch, you might be dealing with a stage-five clinger. Maybe you’ve found yourself wondering “what if” more and more, or perhaps you even met up with him to find out (how’d that work out for you?). Hey, maybe you’ve got us all beat and you and your former beau are the best of friends. We’ve all got exes, and with them comes considerable baggage — some good, some bad. Below are some of the types you’ve probably seen come and (hopefully) go. Read more on Tres Sugar…

Dater X: A Breakup I’ll Never Forget

Dater X: A Breakup I'll Never Forget
Dating Don'ts: Breakups
These kinds of breakups suck the very most. Read More »

It went as perfectly perfect as a breakup could go, I suppose.

Only a few days after my last Dater X post, when I told you all about my hopes of moving things forward with Andrew, he came over to my place to hang out and, without warning, dropped a bomb on me. As usual, we made small talk for a while, chatting about our weekend plans and jobs, and worked our way into my bedroom. Mid-makeout session, I reached down to unzip his jeans, when his hand grabbed mine and pushed it to the side— a suspicious move for not having seen each other in a week. He sat upright, looked me in the eye and said, “Before we do this, there are some things on my mind that I think we should talk about.”

In that moment, I was sure he was going to tell me he wanted us to be exclusive, and ask me if I felt the same way. Keep reading »

True Story: Unfriending My Ex-Boyfriend On Facebook Was One Of The Most Empowering Choices I’ve Ever Made

Unfriend Him Already!
6 lame excuses for not unfriending your ex on Facebook. Read More »
Facebook Unfriending
Facebook
How to do it with minimal drama. Read More »
FB Types To Unfriend
Eight types of people who are too negative to be your Facebook friend. Read More »

I did it. I actually did it.

What may sound unsubstantial, I experienced with a great deal of deliberation ending in elation. I felt heroic even. What I had always imagined was simple for others felt practically impossible to me. Yes, I’m talking about the ex-boyfriend unfriend. Keep reading »

13 Signs Your Relationship Is In Trouble

couple-breakup

Your relationship is also always changing in perceptible and imperceptible ways. Even the most rock solid union is in a state of flux. Like nature, relationships have seasons and rhythms. During each “season” you build a stronger union or drift apart. Your thoughts, words, attitudes and behaviors dictate the direction in which change moves. Are you headed toward more intimacy and closeness or away toward isolation and alienation? Read more on Your Tango…

Must-Know Skills For Dealing With Narcissists

couple-breakup

Consciously uncouple? That’s what I wanted to do. I really, really, really did. Some would say that I had that opportunity and turned it down. The power dynamic in our relationship was so out of whack that if I had stepped into the room with a mediator, I would have caved on everything. I was so weak. I simply couldn’t hold my own, and I knew it. We were leading a very parasitic life, and I was the host and he was the parasite. The thing is, I didn’t realize where he ended and I began. I had no clear boundaries. I only knew it was unhealthy and incorrect and that I had to get out of it. Read more on Your Tango…

Life After Dating: Bitter, Party Of One

Life After Dating: Bitter, Party Of One

A few years ago, I had a Big, Terrible Breakup. I’d been living with a guy, whom I loved, wanted to marry and raise kids with. He wanted those things, too, until he didn’t. I hadn’t seen the split coming and felt completely gobsmacked.

I turned around, reactivated my OKCupid profile, and began dating immediately. That turned out to not be such a good idea. I thought I needed to distract myself (and considering I had moved back in with my parents, part of me did need to distract myself) but what I really needed was to heal. Alas, even though I was not ready to date yet in the grander scheme of things, dipping my toe back in the waters showed me there were lots other guys out there. It took me a couple months to admit that there could be someone out there better for me than Ex-Mr. Jessica. But my acceptance wasn’t necessarily due to anything particularly convincing he said while we were breaking up; it came from meeting other guys online who, in integral ways, seemed like they’d be a better fit.

That’s not to say that I limped off my injury gracefully. Not much at all, in fact. I passed many, many months during 2011 mired in bitterness — hurt, resentful, and very angry. Keep reading »

Conservatives Are Trying To Make It Harder To Divorce

Let's Talk Divorce
Should marriage be a renewable contract? Read More »
Disclose Your Divorce
dating donts divorce
... and other facts you should be open about on your online dating profile. Read More »
Chart: Mapping Crying Fits
Divorced Woman Charts The Pain Of A Breakup … Literally
A divorced woman charts the pain of a breakup ... literally. Read More »
Dating A Divorced Man
The pros and cons of dating a man who's already been down the aisle. Read More »
divorce-041414

We knew that some conservatives have a boner for (heterosexual, of course) marriage. But did you know they get equally hard for stopping couples from being able to divorce?  As Scott Keyes writes in a must-read piece for The Washington Post, politicians in over a dozen states have introduced bills making it harder for a couple to end their union. Keep reading »

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