A few years ago, I had a Big, Terrible Breakup. I’d been living with a guy, whom I loved, wanted to marry and raise kids with. He wanted those things, too, until he didn’t. I hadn’t seen the split coming and felt completely gobsmacked.
I turned around, reactivated my OKCupid profile, and began dating immediately. That turned out to not be such a good idea. I thought I needed to distract myself (and considering I had moved back in with my parents, part of me did need to distract myself) but what I really needed was to heal. Alas, even though I was not ready to date yet in the grander scheme of things, dipping my toe back in the waters showed me there were lots other guys out there. It took me a couple months to admit that there could be someone out there better for me than Ex-Mr. Jessica. But my acceptance wasn’t necessarily due to anything particularly convincing he said while we were breaking up; it came from meeting other guys online who, in integral ways, seemed like they’d be a better fit.
That’s not to say that I limped off my injury gracefully. Not much at all, in fact. I passed many, many months during 2011 mired in bitterness — hurt, resentful, and very angry. Keep reading »
We knew that some conservatives have a boner for (heterosexual, of course) marriage. But did you know they get equally hard for stopping couples from being able to divorce? As Scott Keyes writes in a must-read piece for The Washington Post, politicians in over a dozen states have introduced bills making it harder for a couple to end their union. Keep reading »
Just as I began to feel satisfied and confident with my relationship-free self, guess who came back to throw a wrench in things and screw up my single girl feng shui? My college boyfriend, and one of the few men I’ve ever really loved: Don. Keep reading »
Last week, I celebrated a BIG birthday: 30! In acknowledgment of the fact that I’ve spent over half of my 20s working at The Frisky, I’m going to reach down deep into to archives and revisit some old posts. I’ll examine what I wrote at the time and how that has or hasn’t changed. If you have any suggestions of old posts you’d like me to revisit, tell me in the comments or shoot me an email at Jessica@TheFrisky.com.
The Post: “Does Your Ex ‘Owe’ You Something After A Nasty Breakup?” Keep reading »
In our recent Break Up With Your Ex survey, 51 percent of you said you can’t truly be friends with an ex. And there’s a good reason, why too. Thirty-eight percent said the biggest impediment is that they’re still in love and can’t let go. I can’t say I agree that creating a clean slate is right for everyone. Read why on Your Tango…
Whether your last relationship was a brief affair or years in the making, breakups are always tough to handle. For many of us, the five stages of grief include sulking, series binging on your favorite TV shows, drowning your sorrows with multiple pints of Ben & Jerry’s, and staunch avoidance. Still surrounded by mementos of your ex and your relationship, sometimes the easiest response to your emotional state is to sit on the couch and do nothing at all. That is, until your best friend comes over to deliver a much-needed pep talk and finds you buried beneath a pile of post-relationship clutter.
With a little push, you admit that it’s time to get organized and get on with your life. To help guide the process of cleaning up after the breakup, here are five simple tips for excising your ex and all his/her stuff from your home: Keep reading »
A break is when a couple/partnership feels the need to try a trial separation, of sorts. There’s no shame in it, and while it’s a major crossroads for a twosome, it’s not the end, not yet at least. Two of the most important ways to survive the break is to establish what the rules of the break will be (before you ACTUALLY take the break), and to respect those rules. This makes us ask: what are the rules?Find out on College Candy…
One of the weirdest things that people say to each other about relationships is “When you know, you know.” It means that when you’ve found the other person to be your singular life partner, you’re practically struck by a bolt of lightening. You just know.
It’s a weird aphorism, because it’s so often untrue. Many of us know people who actually don’t know. They’re ambivalent about the person they’ve been dating, even for a long time, or they’re ambivalent about commitment, fidelity or the institution of marriage.
Then there are the other people who do know, who do find someone, and then they get proven wrong. They know someone is right for them, but life turns around and tells them, “Actually, you don’t know.” Keep reading »
Brooklyn-based writer and comic Kyle Ayers was minding his own business, enjoying the view from his rooftop with some friends, when a couple arrived and proceeded to breakup in front of everyone. So Kyle took to Twitter, as one does. ”A couple is breaking up on my roof right now,” he tweeted Saturday evening. “I was just trying to enjoy the view. Now I will live tweet the breakup.” I will allow the Storify of his exhaustive tweet session speak for itself, because it is hilarious… Keep reading »
I feel pretty good about my path toward a forever-partner. I dated a lot of guys, had numerous long- and longish-term relationships and a lot of premarital sex. I don’t believe that marriage is “the end” of your emotional or sexual growth as a woman, but I’m also glad I did everything I wanted to do as a single gal. That plan might not be right for everyone, but it was right for me. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I have no regrets!
I knew that my husband was the right partner for me when we decided to get married. A particular joy of being newlyweds, though, is that I discover new reasons all the time. But there’s been another happy surprise, too. Settling into each other has also been hugely clarifying for me about men I’ve dated and even loved in the past. It’s almost like having a fresh pair of eyes to look at myself and mistakes I made. Truly, being with the right guy has taught me so many things in retrospect about the wrong ones.
Here are six bits of relationship wisdom that my married self would like to tell my single self (if she would able to read the Future Frisky and learn a few things):
Keep reading »