Profile for Wendy Atterberry

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Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Is Obsessed With My 8 Pound Weight Gain”

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. Initially, he was the pursuer, but as time passed I fell completely in love. We were stable, playful, and even got a dog together. Starting in October, though, he started being shady: [at] bars all the time, getting too drunk to drive home and staying at his friend’s house (who happened to live with a girl who was a previous hook-up of his), lying about who he was with and just being sneaky in general. I panicked and clung harder than ever, became suspicious and snooped and only made myself feel worse. And then we moved past it and were happy again. Then, last Sunday, he said we “needed to talk.” I feared the worst: cheating? Breakup? Nope. He has been seriously preoccupied with my eight pound weight gain. He says his preoccupation is the reason for his distance, and that he’d hate for us to have to plan our lives around my weight gain. (You know, since being 5’6, 165 lbs seriously inhibits my lifestyle.) I don’t feel like it’s unreasonable for him to say something about maybe working out more, but blaming our relationship issues on my weight gain? Since he told me, he has been affectionate and loving again; he says he just needed to get it off his chest and now everything will be fine. But I’m pissed. Is it worth it for me to put up with his shallowness? I don’t think it’s okay to blame everything on eight pounds. Am I overreacting? Or should I MOA? — 165 and Ready to run

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Dear Wendy Updates: “Low Confidence” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Low Confidence” who had just started online dating after getting her weight under control. With very minimal dating experience at all, she got a little freaked out when her first potential online match flaked and disappeared after she asked him out. “I was really starting to like the guy, as much as you can like someone you’ve never met, so it’s a bit disappointing that when I finally thought I might get to meet a nice guy, it doesn’t seem to have worked out. I decided to get back on the horse and have begun communication with two other guys, but I’m worried the same thing will happen again.” After the jump, find out if she indeed got back on the horse and how things are going for her today. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Is It Too Soon To Live With My Boyfriend?”

Every summer, my family takes a vacation to our mountain house in upstate New York. We have a dog though who doesn’t come along so one or two of us kids stays behind to take care of him for the month that everyone’s gone. Last year, I joined my brother for the month, but he recently moved to Florida, leaving me as the only person staying behind. I’m 20, and hoping to finally move out by June (depending on my job though), plus I hate staying at our big home in the middle of nowhere all alone. Our dog is big and used to being able to run around in fields, so it seems cruel to move him into a small apartment with me. My mom suggested having someone stay with me this summer and wait till my family gets home to move out. I’m strongly considering asking my 22-year-old boyfriend of seven months to join me, but there are a few concerns. As of now, we’re only seven months into our relationship and I’m not sure I feel comfortable enough to spend a month living with him just yet, especially since we also work together. Also, things are a bit rocky in our relationship, though I’m confident by the summertime things will be much better. Do you think that it’s too soon for us to live together, even though it’s only for a couple months, or would it be good for us? If I do ask, how should I bring it up to him without making him think that I’m more serious about our relationship than I’m ready to be? — Dog Sitter

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Dear Wendy: “He’s Stable, But I’m Bored”

After dating guys who weren’t very good for me, I met a stable, solid, loving man who treats me very well. I’ve been trying hard to make this work, but I can’t seem to develop an emotional connection with him. I keep thinking it’s because he’s just not full of the rush and drama of past relationships, and that I’ve been mistaking drama for love, and don’t know what to do with a good relationship. But it’s been a few months now and I just don’t feel a rush — ever. I don’t know what to do. — Love Stumped

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Dear Wendy: “I Got Dumped. Should I MOA?”

My boyfriend of seven months broke up with me last week. He made it clear that no part of the breakup was my fault, that he still loved me, but did not think he was capable of being in a relationship. He is in the process of getting divorced. His wife of one year, whom he had dated for nearly a decade, left him for a man 10 years her junior during a rough period of my guy’s life. He had just lost two people very close to him. We started dating fairly early in his separation and he thinks he didn’t have time to properly heal. When breaking up, he told me he sees a real chance for us in the future and isn’t planning on dating anyone else right now, though he knows it’s unfair to expect the same from me. He said the pressure of a relationship is holding him back from getting past certain problems in his life and completely healing from the divorce. (Also, there is no chance he is having second thoughts about his divorce.) He insists he wants to remain close and since the breakup, we still talk daily and have made plans to hang out tomorrow (I refuse to be intimate with him while broken up). I want to believe him but the people around me (who haven’t met him) seem to think this is just a thing guys say when they want out or to date other people but still keep a woman in tow. A part of me feels like if I was really worth it to him, he would have fought more. Am I being too naive? Is this a MOA situation? — Cautiously Optimistic

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Dear Wendy: “I’m Stressed That My Boyfriend Smokes Pot”

I met a wonderful guy a little over a year ago and we started dating casually and taking things very slow. During that time I discovered that he occasionally smokes pot. I didn’t catch him doing it nor have I ever seen any paraphernalia anywhere — I just heard some stories through a mutual friend. When I found this out, I sat down with him and told him that our relationship would never get any more serious than what it was because I can’t be with someone who does illegal drugs (even occasionally) not only because of my job but because of my own values. This is not something I want to be part of my lifestyle and is pretty much a dealbreaker for me. I’m not trying to change anyone — I’m just acknowledging that our lifestyles are different and won’t work together. He took the news surprisingly well and told me that he was thinking about quitting anyway and didn’t want to lose a chance at something serious with me because of something he shouldn’t be doing anyway. I was and still am extremely skeptical, but we continued to date casually and take things very slow. Now our relationship is starting to progress into something more serious and I’m getting more paranoid. I can’t help but feel that he is still smoking pot when I’m not around even though he has given me absolutely no reason to feel this way. I’m starting to feel like I’m waiting for him or one of his friends to slip up rather than just trusting him and enjoying our relationship. Should I express my feelings about this to him or should I just trust him and wait it out? — Weed Killer

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Dear Wendy: “I’ve Fallen Out Of Love With My Deployed Boyfriend”

I have been dating the same guy for almost two years now and he joined the Marines literally like a week into our relationship. I barely see him and he is currently deployed. I did think I was in love with him but since he’s been gone my feelings have gotten more and more weak and I talked to my friends and family about what I should do but they all say it would be horrible of me to end our relationship while he is gone, especially because he lent me his car while he is away. But I can’t help feeling myself drifting further and further away from him and just wanting to be able to go out and be a teenager. What do I do!? — Military Girlfriend

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Dear Wendy: “Do I Need To Go Wild And Crazy Before Settling Down?”

It’s time again for “Shortcuts.” For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss whether or not one needs to be wild and crazy before settling down, dealing with a boyfriend’s bad communication style, and what to do when a fiancé ups and moves with no notice. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Brought His Mom To Our First Date”

I have been dating this 44-year-old guy — who still lives with his parents, I might add — since the middle of August. He is kind-hearted and has a good soul. On our first date he asked me to meet him at a mall I’d never been to, and it wasn’t even a halfway point between us. He brought his mother was with him because she needed to go to the mall for some things and she doesn’t drive. Anyway, in the four-and-a-half months I’ve been with this man, I’ve been doing all the driving down to his place because he claims he has a phobia about going to new places. Once I drive there, we go out and do things around where he lives at places he’s familiar with. He gives me gas money once in a while because I’m a single mom and can barely afford all the gas to drive the 20 miles each way to his place. I’ve told him that maybe he needs to speak to someone about his phobia. Also, once I’m at his parents’ place, he wants me to go up to his bedroom. I don’t know what to do other than to give him an ultimatum that I will not come down to his place until he decides to come to mine? — Designated Driver

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What Are Your New Year’s Eve Plans?

A few of us have shared our plans for New Year’s Eve, just a couple nights away (I’m wearing this, and having a small dinner with a few friends and then hitting our favorite, out-of-the way dive bar). Now it’s your turn to share your plans. Whether you’re staying in, heading to a cozy cabin with friends, having a big blowout, enjoying an intimate gathering, having a sex marathon, throwing a girls-only slumber party, or simply going to bed early and skipping the occasion altogether, we want to hear about it. And don’t forget to tell us what you’re planning to wear, too! That’s half the fun, after all. Keep reading »

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