Wendy Atterberry | The Frisky

Dear Wendy: “How Long Does It Take The Average Person To Say ‘I Love You’?”

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 19, 2011 //

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about seven months, and things are going amazingly. For the first time in my life, I feel emotionally healthy and secure with myself. I spent a year being single, working on loving myself and I’m no longer battling the constant fear that the man I’m with will abandon me and nobody will love me. I’m feeling so good about things with this man, and I’m dying to tell him that I love him, but something is holding me back. I’ve read your piece about why women shouldn’t say “I Love You” first, and I have to say I have zero fears that it would freak him out or send him running for the hills. I’m not afraid that he doesn’t love me, and even if he doesn’t yet, I know things are heading in that direction. My fear is this: if he doesn’t say it back, I might revert to the insecure, unstable girl that I was. I don’t want the constant anxiety and tears, always thinking that I’m not good enough to be loved. What should I do? Should I face my fears and tell him how I feel? Or should I be patient, and wait until he’s ready to say the words first? And how long do you think it takes the average man to say “I love you”? — Waiting To Hear The Words

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Dear Wendy: “How Can I Tell My Boyfriend’s Parents That I Don’t Want Their Crap?”

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 18, 2011 //

I’ve been in a relationship for a year and a half and everything is going great between us. We even plan to move in together this summer. The plan is to move into the apartment that my boyfriend’s parents currently live in — it legally belongs to him but his parents pay for all the expenses. His parents will move out and into their new home, and have already said that they are leaving us their old furniture, because they would like to furnish their house with completely new stuff and this way, we wouldn’t have to buy anything. That I can totally understand and I’m thankful for some of the pieces they are leaving behind. However, there is a lot I would throw out, not only because much of it is old and unusable (knives, cracked dishes, etc.), but their “style” is really old school. Now, I told them that my family and I are going to buy a new wardrobe and some other new things I want to replace, and apparently my boyfriend’s mom is not pleased by this. She told him that he should definitely keep the old furniture because otherwise, if we break up he would be left with nothing. He and I have talked about handling things during a breakup scenario and have agreed we’d like to buy new furniture and redecorate. But his mom thinks their apartment is nice and there is no reason to change things. Now I am afraid his parents will be offended if they see how much we want to refurnish and buy (with our money). How do I handle the situation without being ungrateful? — Martha Stewart Intruder

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7 Ways To Avoid The Friend Zone

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 14, 2011 //

If you’re one of those girls who has a host of men in her life, but no one to bring to a wedding, you can’t remember the last time you had sex and it didn’t qualify as a “friends with benefits” situation, and you always end up being some sort of dating coach to the guys you’re really into, it’s time to get yourself out of the Friend Zone and into more datable territory. After the jump, seven ways to avoid the Friend Zone. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Grosses Me Out!”

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 14, 2011 //

It’s time again for “Shortcuts.” For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss gross boyfriends, breakup closures, and whether to un-tag photos of exes on Facebook. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy Updates: “Love Struck” Shares How He Proposed To Frisky Reader

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 14, 2011 //

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Love Struck” who wrote just a couple a weeks ago wanting advice on how to pop the question to his girlfriend, a fan of The Frisky. After the jump, find out how the proposal went and whether he got the reply he was hoping for. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Fiancé Has Cold Feet”

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 13, 2011 //

I am in my mid-twenties, currently engaged to and living with a man I love and respect very much. We got engaged after only nine months, and in total, we’ve only been together for a little over a year. His proposal was a total shock; I was perfectly happy to just be together without rushing things, but I have to admit, it feels right to be going ahead with this. About a week ago, when I brought up marriage plans over dinner, my fiancé got visibly upset, and started talking about how “some couples just don’t ever get married” and how he thinks that’s a good way to go. He also started talking about changing the wedding plans to something much smaller than we had discussed. He later even talked about putting the wedding off indefinitely. He assured me that he’s very much in love with me, and it’s not the thought of marrying ME that’s putting him off, but the idea of losing his independence and stagnating after he gets married. I want to reassure him and talk it over, but part of me thinks he probably just needs to stew over it for awhile (I did the same thing, to a lesser degree). My question is, do I give him his space to just work it out? How much space? At what point does it make sense to call off the engagement? I feel silly being engaged with no wedding on the horizon. Regardless, I’m still committed; I just need to know where I/we stand so I can make life plans. Advice? — Bride in Question

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DW 1/20

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 13, 2011 //

My boyfriend’s younger years were wild, and he has a pretty extensive criminal record to show for it, including prison time. Although some of the consequences of his past irresponsibility will follow him forever (e.g., limited career opportunities), he’s been an honorable, hardworking, and law-abiding citizen for as long as I’ve known him. My mom and sister, who I talk to all the time, were very skeptical when I first told them about his past, but after months of hearing about our relationship and his character, and meeting him a few times, they seem to respect and genuinely like him. But they both warned me from the beginning not to tell my conservative dad and stepmom about the skeletons in his closet.

It’s been two years now, he and I live together, and I still haven’t told my dad and stepmom about his past. They seem to have a favorable impression of him so far, but they live far away and have only met him once during these two years. I feel guilty about keeping such a big secret from them for so long, it’s awkward having to tiptoe around their questions about his history, and it’s hard to do so without lying or looking like I don’t know anything about the person I share my life with. I want to tell them and just deal with however they react, but my mom and sister still insist that they never need to know because it’s in the past and it will only become less important as time goes on. What do you think?

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Dear Wendy: “My Baby Daddy Is An Alcoholic. Should I MOA?”

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 12, 2011 //

My boyfriend (he would be a fiancé, but I turned him down) and I have been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years, and we have a 16-month-old daughter together. We’ve had problems in our relationship from almost the beginning. Every time I try to move on, he always coaxes me into staying (saying “we’re a family,” he loves me, “we’ll work on our relationship,” etc.). Most of our issues stem from his drinking. He’s English, and so he’s always spent loads of time in the pub, however, he’s being irresponsible, and only recently have I figured out he’s a functioning alcoholic. He says he’ll come home sober, but he keeps choosing not to (he can’t say no to another pint). Recently our arguments have started getting worse, and it’s getting physical. He refuses to go to couple’s counseling, and I’ve never been more alone in my life than I am in this relationship with him! I think on some level I do love him, but I feel that our daughter is more important. I don’t want her to grow up thinking that our nuclear family unit is normal. Should I MOA or try and stick it out, and focus just on my daughter and myself (only including him when he’s not drinking)? — Girlfriend of a Drunk

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Dear Wendy Updates: “Sexless Bride” Responds

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 12, 2011 //

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Sexless Bride” whose brand-new husband had completely lost interest in sex with her and refused to see a doctor or a therapist about it, explaining that he simply wasn’t sexually attracted to her any longer. After the jump, find out if they’re still together and whether they’ve been able to get past his sexual issues. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I’m Scared To Say ‘I Love You’”

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 11, 2011 //

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a while now, and quite a few times in the past few months (especially recently) he’s told me that he loves me or is in love with me. Every time I’m with him my thoughts are screaming “I love you!” and I want to say it, and I’ve tried, but my head can never tell my mouth what to say, which leaves me wondering if I do indeed love him. When I’m with him, everything is finally okay, but when we’re apart, I don’t feel exactly right. I’m willing to do anything to see him happy, even if it means bending over backwards, which I’ve done, and I’ve sacrificed my own happiness for him a few times (he was unaware of it though) just to help things work for him. Twenty years from now, I want more than anything for him to be happy and with the love of his life, but sometimes I don’t think I’m her. There are times when I feel like we’re great now, but not necessarily forever, and that leaves me wondering if I really love him. What does it mean to you to be in love? If you’re in love does it mean that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, or can it simply be something just for now? And also, how do I go about telling my boyfriend that I love him, when every time I’ve wanted to and tried, I’ve failed? I feel like I can’t rely on myself to say a simple “I love you” so are there other ways to do it, while keeping it incredibly romantic and memorable? — Love Shy

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