Profile for Wendy Atterberry

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Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Grosses Me Out!”

My long-term boyfriend is a wonderful person. My only issue is that he’s a little lax about personal cleanliness. For example, last weekend he admitted that he’d had a nosebleed and cleared it out by blowing his nose in the shower. He told me this as an explanation for why I might see red flecks on the shower wall, as he’d cleaned up a bit while he was in the shower, but hadn’t gotten to everything. I got snippy/grossed out about why he’d told me this instead of just cleaning up the rest himself, but he just laughed it off before turning back to his video game and I calmed down after replacing my loofah, which had been in the line of fire. (This is gross, right? Or am I alone in this?) Another example is that I’ve been noticing for months that after he uses the bathroom at home, he barely runs the tap water — probably not long enough to use soap. I finally brought it up on our way to work today, and he explained that he only bothers with soap after #2 since he doesn’t “need” it after #1. I don’t want to start a fight over something trivial and sound like a nag, but I also don’t want to spend my days cleaning up his bodily fluids and cringing every time he touches our future children. How can I encourage him to up his standards a bit without sounding like his micromanaging ex? — Grossed Out

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Dear Wendy Updates: “Offended Bridesmaid” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Offended Bridesmaid” whose sister, the bride, chastised her for not being skinny enough to fit into her bridesmaid dress. Offended Bridesmaid explained that she was worried she might have a thyroid problem, to which her sister responded: “I know your eating habits — you just eat too much.” After the jump, find out how the two sisters are doing today. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Should I Leave My Boyfriend Behind?”

Dump My BF Before College?
Dear Wendy helps a reader who is on the fence. Read More »

I am a 21-year-old college student, graduating this spring. I was recently accepted to an Ivy League institution to pursue my graduate degree, and I have never been more excited! However, I have a boyfriend of over six years, who really wants to follow me to graduate school. At first, this seemed like a great idea. I am very happy that he supports me and we have a very strong relationship. However, he does not have a lot of ambition. While I will be going for a graduate degree, he failed out of college and has not really shown any interest in going back. He is currently a cook, and would be able to get a job pretty easily if we move. He has also talked about other labor jobs or bartending. Another concern is that he has never lived anywhere but with his parents. I have been on my own for four years. I am worried that he’ll find it difficult to live away from home. On the other hand, I think it would be a great opportunity for him to move to a city where there are many more opportunities for him. Considering all of this, I am also concerned about myself. I want to be able to take advantage of this opportunity to attend an Ivy League institution to the fullest. I do love him, and I don’t want to lose him, but I am really unsure if he should come along with me, or if I should essentially leave him behind. I don’t want to have any regrets. What do you think I should do? — Off to an Ivy

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Dear Wendy Updates: “Doesn’t Use Pot Holders” Responds

Dating Good Guys
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Not every woman wants to date an a-hole. Read More »
How To Be Romantic...
...without being creepy! Read More »
Dater X
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Ten things Dater X did right as a single girl. Read More »

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Doesn’t Use Pot Holders,” who wrote in because her boyfriend’s sister, whom he shared an apartment with, hated her. After the jump, find out if the sister managed to wreck the relationship and how everyone is doing today. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Our Friend Is Engaged To A Psycho!”

Selling Engagement Ring?
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Should Amelia sell her engagement ring? Read More »

My husband’s best friend “Bill” is engaged to marry his fiancee “Erin” this June. Last night, he told me about a fight Bill and Erin recently had that really concerns me. Erin feels very threatened by pornography and forbids Bill from looking at it because she considers it cheating. When she moved in, she destroyed his porn collection. A couple of weeks ago, Erin found a porn site in the web history on their shared computer and proceeded to compile evidence of Bill visiting porn sites. The same week, Erin found a cabinet with a locked door while Bill was at work; she pried it open to discover a set of porn DVDs. She called Bill and calmly stated that they “needed to talk.” When Bill got home that night, Erin immediately brought out the DVDs, began screaming and snapped the DVDs in his face. She then threatened to seriously damage his vehicle, began throwing things and ultimately punched him in the face. Erin truly expects Bill to never be sexually excited by the image of another woman and feels that he needs counseling for his “porn addiction.” The violence is obviously upsetting, and their inability to have an open dialogue sets the stage for future conflicts. My husband is generally the type to mind his own business, but I feel that he needs to urge Bill to seek counseling with Erin and seriously rethink the wedding if she refuses to go. What would you do if you were a friend of theirs? — Smells Trouble

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Dear Wendy Updates: “Weight Issues” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Weighty Issues,” whose long-distance boyfriend told her that while she had a pretty face, her weight had started bothering him. “I have dropped some weight since I’ve first known him,” she wrote, “and currently wear S-M shirts, US size 8 in pants.” She went on to say: “I sometimes want to end the relationship because of this and because he doesn’t seem to be as attached as I am, but a part of me wants to see what happens next year.” Well, it’s now “next year,” so after the jump, find out what she decided to do. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Should I Warn My Friend About His Cheating Ex?”

I found out recently that my friend “Samanatha” cheated on her ex-boyfriend “Brad” when they were still dating. When I asked Samantha about it, she immediately denied it, but I’ve known her long enough to tell she was lying. Plus, the guy she slept with has absolutely no reason to lie to me about it. She and Brad are now broken up, but when he’s in town he stays at her place and they sleep together. She’s cheated on him in the past with a different guy and Brad forgave her. It was one of those things that’s understandable (while totally not right) because Samantha’s mom told her that if she wasn’t engaged she could have more than one boyfriend. It’s common knowledge that Samantha is completely hung up on Brad still and will take any chance to get back together with him. We’re talking saying things like “I’ll wear him down one day and we’ll just get married.” Brad is a really nice but passive guy. Plus, he doesn’t want to lose the guaranteed sex. The chance of them getting back together is fairly high, so I’m wondering if I should tell Brad now about the cheating, wait to see if they get back together, or just keep quiet? Brad is like a brother to me and I don’t like seeing him get hurt over and over again. — Trying Not to Meddle

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Dear Wendy Updates: “Excited But Lost” Responds (Again)

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Excited But Lost,” who we first heard from last August when she was eager to start dating after being diagnosed bipolar a year and a half earlier and working on managing her disorder and getting her life on track. She updated us with some not-so-good news in November, but has a new update for us now with much better news, after the jump. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I’m Tired Of Always Feeling Used By Guys”

I am a 21-year-old female college senior who has been physically involved with a guy for about three months. In the beginning, he told me how he thought I was “girlfriend material” and made it seem like he wanted to pursue a relationship, but after a few weeks, it became clear to me that all he wanted from me was sex. I allowed this arrangement to continue, because with my busy class and work schedule, I don’t really have much time for a relationship either. All of a sudden, over the past couple of days, he has completely ignored me, started posting things on Facebook about having had an “epiphany” and realizing what the “true meaning of love is.” I texted him saying that it was OK if he had met someone new or if he just did not want to sleep with me anymore, but that I would have liked to have been made aware of this (reasonable, no?). But alas, he has not responded. I truly am happy for him if he has found someone new, because there really is no future for us, but I feel disrespected. I am also in the place I always find myself after something like this happens: depressed, lonely, and my self-esteem is crushed. Do you have any advice for me as to how I can deal with this kind of situation in the future so that I don’t feel so used? — Used up

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Dear Wendy Updates: “Conflicted About Moving” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Conflicted About Moving,” whose boyfriend dumped her after she quit her job to move with him. Luckily, she was able to get her job back, but her boyfriend reunited with her and asked her to quit her job again to move for her. “He’s suggesting I leave a resignation letter the day of and never return, but that’s just not my style.” she wrote. “Is it fair to quit my job twice within a week’s time? What would you do?” I told her to dump the guy of course, and after the jump, you’ll find out whether she followed my advice and how she’s doing now. Keep reading »

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