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Ask A Married Guy: “My Boyfriend Is Suddenly Being Weird About Moving In Together”

Ask A Married Guy: "My Boyfriend Is Suddenly Being Weird About Moving In Together"

I’m confused about whether or not I should move in with my boyfriend of about a year.  We are both in our twenties. For the past year, I’ve been living with roommates. During that time, he would frequently invite me over to his place, a house with a big yard, and then invite me to stay the night.  He would do this almost every night and feel very happy about it, even proudly joking he had successfully “stolen” me from my roommates once again. He always talked about me moving in. Even when I tried to find other roommates, he would always insist I just move in with him.

But when my roommates moved out a month before the lease expired, his story changed.  Now that it’s just me, he never “steals” me, and if I go to his place he is sure to bring me back to my place so we can sleep separately. Now he says he’d prefer for us both to have our own separate places.  I can’t afford to live on my own in this city without roommates, plus I very much prefer to live with other people. Living alone feels unnatural, uncomfortable and unsafe to me.

My lease expires soon, and I wasn’t searching for other roommates very seriously as I was spending most of my time with him, and up until a few weeks ago, he was insisting I live with him. Why did he only want me when I was living with other people?  What is going on in his head?  I feel trapped. – S.

It boils down to this: there’s a difference between what people say, and what people do. Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: “Why Is My Boyfriend So … In-Between?”

Commitment Kryptonite?
Ask A Married Guy: "Am I Destined To Be Kryptonite For Commitment?"
Tom has advice for a woman whose relationships don't last. Read More »
Married Guy: Brazilians
ask a married guy
A reader asks: Should I get a Brazilian wax? Read More »
Married Guy: Players
Ask A Married Guy: "Did I Just Get Played By The Player-Of-All-Players?"
"Did I just get played by the player of all players?!" Read More »
Ask A Married Guy: "Why Is My Boyfriend So ... In-Between?"

I’ve been dating a guy for seven months. He’s in the middle of an easy divorce (no kids, no assets). I’m going through a divorce too (I have kids). We were head over heels for each other in the first few months. He had no issues with me having kids. He would always ask to see me, and we did tons of fun stuff together. I had a toothbrush at his house, and even had dinners with his parents. Great, right? But in the past few weeks, he’s distant, not making an effort to see me. He makes excuses about work, and when I ask him about it he says I’m overreacting, that sometimes life gets in the way and there’s nothing wrong with our relationship. I’ve been making all the effort, rearranging my schedule to spend time with him, and he doesn’t seem to appreciate it. He has a very lax, “ehhh I’ll see you when I see you” attitude. He says he’s not looking to remarry any time soon and I’m honestly not either, but there has to be an in-between phase, right? We can be in a relationship and take it easy, but I don’t get the 180-degree change in behavior. Why is he so in-between? – Danielle

It could be a lot of things. He could be dealing with a lot of pain. Maybe he’s not that into you anymore. Or he could in truth, be really busy with work and life and all that complicated stuff. But here’s the point: IT DOESN’T MATTER. His deal is his deal. Focus on yourself. Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: “Am I Destined To Be Kryptonite For Commitment?”

Ask A Married Guy: "Am I Destined To Be Kryptonite For Commitment?"

I am an attractive writer, divorced for almost four years. For as long as I can remember, I have never been at a loss for male attention. Since my separation, I have dated plenty of guys. But, the only guys I seem to attract who are not paralyzed by the idea of even commitment-lite are already married to someone else!

For my entire dating life, I have shied away from appearing needy, bitter, or desperate because those three qualities make my skin crawl. I have had a good number of great first dates where we seem to click on many levels. Yet, at some point, same guy will shift to texts and phone calls, evading a second or maybe third meet.

I am not ready to give up. I enjoy the company of men. And I do really want to be in a loving relationship with someone available. Especially since I had a 15 year marriage of convenience — for timing and “appropriateness” more than affection, sex, or love.

So, am I destined to be Kryptonite for commitment? Or can I change my game plan of appearing independent? – Beth

Beth, your email contains equal parts heartbreak and hope. In that order.

Commitment is the tragic ambition of all humans. We seek it constantly. We yearn for unconditional love. But when the wrong person asks it of US? Eww. Gross. Go away. Why the fuck do we do this to each other? Why do we take the risk of breaking our hearts, and those of others, over and over again, looking for this ineffable thing called commitment? Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: When He Says He’s “Just Not Sure”

Married Guy: Players
Ask A Married Guy: "Did I Just Get Played By The Player-Of-All-Players?"
"Did I just get played by the player of all players?!" Read More »
The Do-Not-Date List
Guys you should avoid at all costs! Read More »

This is our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email him at friskymarriedguy@gmail.com! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested.

I’ve been dating this amazing guy for 10 months. Two months into our relationship, he told me he loved me and I realized I loved him back. Lately, things have started to change. He spends less time with me and stopped saying he loved me (the only exception is when he’s drunk).

When I finally asked him about it, he said that he likes me now (like, not love) but isn’t sure what the future holds. At this point, I cannot imagine doing anything but break up with him. However, he still wants to keep seeing me or take a break to sort his feelings out. When I prodded him further, he confessed that the driving factor in all this is his fear of commitment. Some days he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, other days he’s not so sure. He wants some time to sort out his feelings. The other item we discussed is that we don’t ever really talk about the deep stuff, that even though we’ve been dating for a while, we don’t actually know each other all that well. He thinks maybe if we continue seeing each other and getting to know each other better, his feelings may change.

I don’t know if I should cut my losses and end this relationship now. What’s the point of getting my hopes up again or wasting my time by continuing to see each other? What is wrong with him — if he doesn’t love me anymore, why can’t he just leave it be? – BC

Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: “Is Mr. Nice Just Stringing Me Along?”

Married Guy: Lies
Ask A Married Guy: "I Can't Forget That My New Boyfriend Lied To Me At The Beginning Of Our Relationship"
"I can't forget that my new BF lied at the beginning of our relationship." Read More »
Married Guy: Brazilians
ask a married guy
A reader asks: Should I get a Brazilian wax? Read More »
Married Guy: Players
Ask A Married Guy: "Did I Just Get Played By The Player-Of-All-Players?"
"Did I just get played by the player of all players?!" Read More »

This is our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email him at friskymarriedguy@gmail.com! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested.

Mr. Nice and I met in 2012. Our first date lasted 13 hours: incredible, as was every date after that. We’re both divorced: he’s 52 and I’m 46, each with two kids (his in college, mine in high school). We’ve kept the kids out of it, so neither has been to the others’ home.

About eight months in, he started to become withdrawn, calling less frequently in the evening. We were still going out several times a week (dinners, movies, etc.), but it was not the same.

I finally inquired, and he gave me this response: he moved a deceased friend’s wife and four kids into his house. The friend’s wife was going through cancer treatment, unable to work, had no family, and was on the verge of homelessness. He felt he had no option but to help. He went on to say there wasn’t anything going on between them (he volunteered info), and that he hadn’t it shared with me because he didn’t know how I would respond. He said he adored where we were relationship-wise and wanted to continue. (Eight months into dating, we weren’t having sex. Lots of heavy kissing and cuddling, even a few weekend get-aways in a shared bed, but no sex). We both agreed early on that sex complicates things and we really wanted to take it slow. Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: “I Can’t Forget That My New Boyfriend Lied To Me At The Beginning Of Our Relationship”

Ask A Married Guy: "I Can't Forget That My New Boyfriend Lied To Me At The Beginning Of Our Relationship"

This is our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email him at friskymarriedguy@gmail.com! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested.

I met my current boyfriend about 10 months ago. After I broke up with my last boyfriend in April, my current BF would invite me to dinners and tell me he liked me a lot, but never proposed entering into a relationship with me. Whenever I asked him if he had a girlfriend, he would get reluctant and change the topic. When I went on a trip in May, he made it clear he didn’t want me to be seeing another person. Then when I moved away for a two-month internship, he told me he loved me. Then he disappeared for a few days saying he was upset because he saw me flirting on Facebook with another guy.

I came back home and found out he had a girlfriend all this time, and that he went to Malaysia with her during his mysterious disappearance. I confronted him. He said they were almost over by the time they went on the trip and swore he didn’t have sex with her at that time. But I went through his email and found out that wasn’t true, and that he was being extremely sweet to her. But then he asked for a second chance and I gave it to him.

We have been dating for two months now, but I can’t bear the thought that he deceived me.  What should I do?

So this guy is a confessed liar and a cheat, and you wonder what I think you should do?

You should run a mile from him. And deep down, you already know that. Let’s run down the rap sheet of this confessed relationship criminal, shall we? Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: “Did I Just Get Played By The Player-Of-All-Players?”

Ask A Married Guy: "Did I Just Get Played By The Player-Of-All-Players?"

This is our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email him at friskymarriedguy@gmail.com! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested.

So I’ve been a friend of this good guy for over 10 years.  We’ve always had sexual tension, but I never really gave a thought to it nor did I think we were going to act on it. On a total random drunken night, we had sex.  So we decided to go on a date, and it really was no different from any other time we’ve hung out.  He said stupid things to me all night like “You’re my dream girl,” and to be honest, I loved it and had a great time.  I didn’t realized how much I actually like this guy, until one day – he just stopped calling. He’d make plans, and cancel last minute, which is unlike him. We’ve always been close, and I’ve known FOR YEARS that he is a commitment-phobe.  All the years that we’ve been friends, he’s never had a single date. Is this guy genuinely scared of me/relationships or did I just get played by the player-of-all-players? — Alisa

You did not get played. You got “manned.”

Let me tell you something about men. Their deepest, darkest fear is being trapped.  It’s constant. They fear it even when there are no traps in sight. Put a man in a wide-open emotional space, with nothing but happy meadows and tweeting birds for miles around, and he’ll still be terrified of some girl popping up yelling, “I’m pregnant and it’s yours!” Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: “Should I Tell My Fiancé That I Hooked Up With My Female Friend Before We Met?”

Ask A Married Guy: "Should I Tell My Fiancé That I Hooked Up With My Female Friend Before We Met?"

This is our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email him at friskymarriedguy@gmail.com! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested.

I’m happily engaged to my boyfriend of four years.  About four-and-a-half years ago, my friend Angela and I hooked up, twice. She’s strictly a lesbian, and was single at the time. Too much booze was involved both times, and it was just something that happened that had no strings attached. We remained good friends. Angela and her girlfriend Amy have been together for two years. I see Angela regularly, and Amy occasionally.  I genuinely like Amy, and think that she’s a great match for my friend. But I recently learned (through a friend) that Amy is jealous, and doesn’t approve of my friendship with Angela because of our past.  This upsets me because Angela and I have no romantic relationship potential or desire.  I love my fiancé very much, but we have never discussed past relationships or sexual encounters as Angela and Amy obviously have.  I have not yet spoken to Angela about this, and now I feel like I am keeping a secret from my fiancé.  Angela is one of two girls I have asked to stand up with me at my wedding next year, and now I’m not so sure where to go from here. Should I talk to her or just try to casually bow out of this friendship?  Do I tell my fiancé? – Sarah

Oh, so many secrets. Please leave a copy of your email, in code, on microfilm, up a false chimney, in a barn, in Yemen … IN CASE YOU ARE CAPTURED. Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: “My Boyfriend’s Eating Noises Are Driving Me Over The Edge!”

Married Guy: Friends?
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How can I make a friend my boyfriend? Read More »
Married Guy: Sex Death
ask a married guy
What can I do when the sex dies? Read More »
married guy: my HS crush
ask a married guy should i leave my husband
Should I leave my husband for my high school crush? Read More »
ask a married guy

This is our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email him at Friskymarriedguy@gmail.com! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested. First up…

I’ve been dating this guy for three months. It’s going great – he’s caring, generous, funny, and the sex is wonderful. There is just one problem: I hate the way he eats. He doesn’t close his mouth all the time, he chews VERY audibly, and just seems to like making mouth sounds as a part of eating. His other manners are fine, but his mouth is driving me insane. I avoid food-related situations with him, because I get overcome with embarrassment. What should I do? Am I a terrible person?

This is a sharp dill pickle of a problem. And this pickle is being gnawed, very LOUDLY and SLOBBERINGLY, with a WIDE OPEN MOUTH, in a deep part of your subconscious. Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: “Should I Leave My Husband For My High School Crush?”

Married Guy: Sex Death
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What can I do when the sex dies? Read More »
Married Guy: Moving In
ask a married guy
How can your relationship survive moving in? Read More »
Married Guy: Friends?
Ask a married guy
How can I make a friend my boyfriend? Read More »

Meet our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email him! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested. First up…

I’m 32 and married with two young children. Recently I reconnected with one of my best friends from 20 years ago online. We have always had strong feelings for each other and after high school checked in on each other a few times throughout the years. But because we’ve always been with other people, we respected those boundaries. He has always been verbal about his feeling though I haven’t. We have been able to talk to each other like no one else. In February I went to visit him and the feelings were too intense for both of us. We talked everyday, he repeatedly told me he loved me and wanted to know did I love him (although he is also married with two kids). Eventually it got physical. We had a conversation once about him not wanting to hurt anyone else involved … he says there were are so many people who could get hurt if we were to leave our spouses (which is what I wanted). I asked him to just for once consider our feelings, because we never have, and for a few weeks it was great. Then the last time I saw him we had sex. He called me 30 minutes later to tell me how much he loved me and hasn’t returned a call or email since then. I just want him to tell me that he fell out of love, or he thinks we were in the wrong. Or whatever the reason was … Why won’t he at least do that? If you could see the look in his eyes when he told me he loved me, I know he wasn’t lying. I’m still in love with him. He knows I have never ever cheated before and I only did it because it was him. How do I get over this? Why would a man just disappear from someone he loves and should I expect him to come back? Please help me.

Dude, this is brutal.

Keep reading »

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