Madonna has returned! The Material Girl has laid low for a few years, but the new video for her song “Give Me All Your Luvin’” proves that 30+ years after rising to fame, she still somehow looks, sounds, and even moves like no time has passed. That’s the extent to which I will allow myself to compliment the pop star’s recent musical debut.
I shouldn’t “hate” on someone who was just resurrected from the grave, but after watching the video, I am tempted to believe that Madonna may actually be a zombie trying to turn me by way of music video zombification. I was literally stuck in a trance-like, brain-dead state after exposing my senses to the neuron-murdering chant: “L-U-V Madonna, Y-O-U, you wanna” compounded by the confused high school football-themed visual diarrhea. Keep reading »
Gee G-Spot, you sure know how to disappoint a girl. First you exclaim your existence to the world. Then you hide as my fellow ladies are poked and prodded in search of you. One day you promise earth-shattering orgasms, the next you disappear without a trace. A recent review of over 100 studies into your existence has come to the conclusion that there is no proof of it. That you don’t exist. But I don’t think this is the last we’ll hear about you, g-spot. You’ll lay low awhile and then pop back up again, taunting us. Why do you continue to play these games with our emotions? Do you find it humorous that millions of us ladies spend days and nights pondering where you are? Keep reading »
Ladies, we may possible be able to say goodbye to the Pill, patch, ring and those heinous butt injections! Scientists are about to even out the birth control playing field (that has favored men for so long) by testing what could be “an effective, inexpensive and pain-free birth control option” for men.
The procedure: a few zaps to the balls with a high-frequency ultrasound and POOF! His swimming friends who threaten your womb with gestation disappear! Well, that’s what happened to male rats in a recently published study. After each rat had two ball-zapping treatments, researchers found that the rat’s sperm count was zero and its sperm-making germ cells were eradicated. (Yay! I think?) Keep reading »
Don’t judge me by my Android phone, Match.com! I resent the fact that a new study done by the online matchmaking site claims that Droid users are the loosest of all Smartphone owners. I quote: “Androids may be the newest Smartphone on the market but their users have already been around the block.” from a recent blog post which details the findings of this cellular study.
According to their research, “62 percent of Android users have sex on the first date and are most likely to have a one night stand, at 55 percent.” Oh, that’s great. Now I have to hide my Droid so my date doesn’t believe I’m just down for a quickie in the bathroom stall of a restaurant. Keep reading »
Consider yourself lucky, Demi Moore; you broke free from Ashton a healthier woman (just don’t smoke any more of those crazy herbs, girl). New research suggests that marrying a younger man may be a cause for increased mortality rates among women. That totally shatters my dreams of bagging a 30-year-old on my 55th birthday. It seems that if we want to have a long and healthy life, us women are better off marrying a guy our age — or at least that’s what researchers believe. Keep reading »
I am not afraid to admit that I have had two online dating accounts — one with Plenty Of Fish and another with OK Cupid. I have been messaged by hundreds of guys, which lead to three dates, and absolutely ZERO luck. I feel like I’m in one of those Lucky Charms commercials. Whoever my Mr. Right is sure knows how to use his “marshmallow magic” to hide in the sea of uninteresting, not cute enough, too shallow or completely skeevy men who have barraged my inbox with messages.
All of this disappointment has me wondering, am I just too picky? Today I found the answer: Yes — but it’s not my fault (whew!). Thanks to a CNN Health article called “Dating and the Challenge of Too Many Choices,” I now know that when people are faced with too many options (as most ladies are in the online dating world), they tend to choose none at all. Keep reading »