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9 Good Theme Ideas For The 2014 Met Gala

Look, as everyone at the 2013 Met Gala last night realized, “no one was paying attention to the Punk theme.” The theme actually became “Everyone ignored this theme.” Ashley already pretty cruelly dismissed my favorite dress, worn by the lovely Bee Shaffer by saying:

Not only does Anna Wintour‘s daughter Bee Shaffer look really pretty, the Sex Pistols were huge fans of subtle ombré and delicate appliqués.

…All right, we’re going to retire all “[first wave punk band] would have loved [oblivious rich person stuff]” before that joke starts sounding too bitter.

I wish Anna Wintour would have called me, because I had some really good theme ideas. Don’t worry. They can still be used next year! Well, some of them can be used next year. Some of them will be horribly dated by then, but I think some will be able to pull through. Seriously, I think these would be fun for everyone.

1. Subtle ombré and delicate appliqués. This is a great one that I think everyone can use, except Tilda Swinton. I think Tilda Swinton is probably going to fuck this one up, to be honest. She’ll show up with one giant appliqué and a lot of cut-outs. Like, some weird cut-out right where all of the appliqués should be. Why? Why does she ruin so much? Read more on The Gloss…

Dance Teacher Who Lost Foot In Boston Bombing Sounds Like A Total Badass

As more stories about the victims of the Boston bombings last week are revealed by the media, it is clear that each and every person is so deserving of not only our sympathies, but also our respect. Adrianne Haslet-Davis, a ballroom dance instructor, is one of those survivors — and she is fucking awesome. Haslet-Davis was watching the Boston Marathon with her husband as spectators when the explosions went off.

“I remember two people who looked at me laying there, as if I were already dead… We sat up and I said, ‘Wait, my foot hurts.’ And then he held up my foot and we both just screamed bloody murder,” she said. “I didn’t feel heat from it. I just felt air and then I fell to the ground.” Read more on The Gloss…

What Your Sleepwear Says About You

Are you wearing your sleepwear right now? That says you’re probably fun-employed. Or freelancing. Or working from home. Or ill! You could also be ill. I am sorry if you are ill. Oh, also, you could be Hugh Hefner! That is a job. However, even if you’re the kind of person who only wears sleepwear during sleeping hours, what you choose still says a lot about you. I’ve thought this over and reached some conclusions. Read more on The Gloss…

My Very Specific Lilly Pulitzer Memories

It’s been a rough few days for women who really love jaunty pearl accessories. Not only did Margaret Thatcher pass away, so did Lilly Pulitzer. Was Lilly Pulitzer a feminist? Yeah. Sure. Probably. Seems like it. She was certainly someone I grew up with, and these are some very specific memories brought to mind by very specific dresses. Read more on The Gloss…

Why Feminism Must Be About More Than Careerism, “Leaning In,” And The Glass Ceiling

There’s been a lot of discussion as of late about Sheryl Sandberg‘s bourgeois and somewhat apolitical version of feminism, Lean In. It seems like everywhere I look, the feminist discourse has been taken over by discussions of the ways in which women hold themselves back at work, how we need more women at the top, why Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer won’t call herself a feminist, etc. As a feminist with some serious socialist leanings, I am mildly annoyed by this, but I’m also kind of happy, because it gives me a chance to discuss how and why feminism must go beyond talking about how the most privileged women should be allowed to self-actualize at the highest levels possible, to the issues that concern that vast majority of the female workforce.

As I see it, there are really two issues here: 1.) “Lean In” feminism isn’t feminism in any traditional sense of the word, and 2.) even if we do decide to think collectively (and hence politically) re: women in the workplace, that’s not going nearly far enough. Read more at The Gloss…

How To Get Your Ex To Notice You On Facebook

Facebook. How did we exist before it? How did you define ourselves, our relationships with friends and/or boyfriends? How did we let people know, on a large scale, that yes, you ate the four-day-old Chinese food, and now your head is in the toilet while you throw up everything you’ve consumed in the last 48 hours? How would we know that your two-year-old is officially potty-trained, but decided it should play with its shit one last time? How did we do it? Oh, we didn’t. That’s so sad for us.

Over-sharers, attention whores and braggers could not have asked for anything more awesome than the invention of Facebook. It’s become the go-to for revealing oneself and maybe even tossing things in other people’s face. But it’s cool; everyone does it.

And if everyone does it, don’t you owe it to yourself to maybe take advantage of Facebook in regards to getting the attention of your ex? If you’re lucky enough to have parted ways amicably without any blocking done, why wouldn’t you want to pull some “Look at me! Look at me! I’m so awesome without you!” action?

You’d be weird to NOT want to do such a childish thing. Read more…

The Best Ways To Announce Your Breakup For Maximum Attention

Earlier today, Jay Baruchel and Alison Pill‘s breakup was announced. The couple have been engaged since 2010 after meeting on the set of the movie “Goon,” and have been a rather adorable couple for a while now. Despite their generally low-key style of dating so far, it seems that their breakup may be a whole other story. According to Us Weekly, Baruchel tweeted, then deleted, the sentiment, “I won’t be on twitter for awhile gang. Getting dumped rules.” Ouch.

Telling people about the demise of your relationship with somebody is never fun. Nobody’s a fan of having to have newsfeeds of friends say that they “went from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘single’” while also going through the pain of ending that serious relationship. But while you may be tempted to spout off angry or bitter messages on the Internet regarding your present state of mind when it comes to your love life and your now-ex-partner, it may be for the best to have people find out organically (without the, er, pesticides of Twitter?) in order to avoid awkward comments on your Facebook status involving pity and sad emoticons from your loved ones. I personally believe in removing the relationship status thang altogether because…well, why bother telling people who don’t already know?

That said, if you do like to shout your feelings aloud or you simply must have the attention from every person on your Facebook/Twitter/Wordpress/Tumblr friends lists and all the ones in real life, too, here are some of the most excellent ways you can do so that are far better than a mere tweet. Read more: Read more…

What To Think About When You’re Trying Not To Cry In Public

I am a crier. I cry when I’m happy, I cry when I’m sad, I am the kind of person who cries at sloths. I cry when other people look lonely — really, it happened just last week at a restaurant — and I cry when I am excited to see people. I cry whenever that fucking Sarah McLachlan SPCA commercial pops on. I am a crier, and that is okay. However, I don’t like crying in public when I am genuinely upset: it’s awkward, bizarre and makes other people uncomfortable. Read more…

10 Reasons Why You Should Never Online Stalk An Ex Again (Never, Ever)

Ugh. Social media and Google have made online stalking the easiest thing in the world, but it’s also made letting someone go for good the absolute pits. It’s way too easy to get information or see photos of your ex happy in their new life. When you’re still burned by the whole relationship, it’s the last thing you need. But, sadly, human curiosity always wins in these cases and you’re on the floor in tears.

You can block each other on different social media platforms, but do you know that blocking someone on Twitter isn’t the same as blocking someone on Facebook? You can still see what’s going on in each other’s lives, with the only difference being that you just can’t directly tweet at them. Oh, damn! Looks like your ex can check in and see how fucking fancy you are without them. Oh, double damn! You can check in and see how happy they are in that stupid photo they just posted of themselves with their new love. Like I said, shit is the pits. If only this were 1800-something, then it would all be so much easier.

But honestly, don’t you have better things to do with your time? Don’t you respect yourself way more than to put yourself through the fucking emotional ringer with your ex’s new life that is sans you? Read more…

13 Things You Want To Tell Your Ex, But Never Will (Or Should)

Unless you’re one of the those people who actually enjoys staying friends with an ex, there’s probably a lot of things you’d really love to tell that person once the relationship is over. Whether you did the heart breaking or you’re the one who ended up having the broken heart, sometimes you just have a lot of things you’d really love to get off your chest. How could you not? Even the most amicable endings still have their share of drama and resentment. Keep reading »

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