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Christmas Recut: What If “The Santa Clause” Was A Heart-Stopping Thriller? (Video)

Christmas Recut: What If The The Santa Clause Was A Heart Stopping Thriller? (Video)

It’s that magical time of year when we all gather together with our friends and family and rewatch the Christmas movies that we’ve all seen fourteen thousand times. Snuggled under a blanket, with a mug of hot cocoa in our hands, it certainly does feels like the most wonderful time of year. In an effort to add to the magic, we took it upon ourselves to recut “The Santa Clause” as a thriller. Because if you think about it, the movie’s actually full of heart stopping action. Seriously.

Man finds dead Santa Clause. Man steals his clothes right away. Man turns into Santa Clause. Man fails to convince doctors that his extreme weight gain and more extreme facial hair growth speed is of medical concern. Man kidnaps son. Man convinces his ex- wife he is Santa Clause and she still prefers boring dude with bad taste in sweaters. Man never gets his weight back under control.

Did reading that put you on the edge of your seat? Well wait until you watch “The Santa Clause: A Christmas Thriller” on Crushable …

10 Holiday Inspired Baby Names That Make My Skin Crawl

christmas-baby

I’ve known a few Noelles and Hollys in my day, so the trend of giving your baby a name inspired by the season when it was born—especially a magical season like Christmas—isn’t anything new. And we’ve all heard seasonal names like April, Summer, and Autumn before. (Secret confession: Autumn was my number one, all-time favorite name for a girl, no matter what season she was born in, but now I have two boys!)

But even with baby naming, you can have too much of a good thing. Read more on The Gloss…

You Should Boycott Louis Vuitton Because Kanye Said So

kanye-west-lv

Kanye West just ordered us all to boycott Louis Vuitton. We know you were planning on buying at least six logo-covered Speedy bags on your lunch break this afternoon, but you’d better hold off on that for a few months, because Kanye says so and Kanye is the boss of you. Read more on The Gloss…

Alexa Chung Anxious To Design Cats For Your Nipples

Whether you think she’s crazy overrated or you actually want to emulate her manic pixie style, TV presenter/hipster It girl Alexa Chung is a force to be reckoned with in the fashion world. From her collaboration with Madewell to her memoir/scrapbook/style guide to her kinda sorta hangover-inspired makeup line with Eyeko, Alexa’s basically done everything except design her own clothing line. Read more about her design aspirations on The Gloss…

10 Reasons Women Don’t Care If Men Like Their Clothes

What women think about men and clothes

All fashion-forward women must cease and desist IMMEDIATELY! Douse your closet in gasoline and light a match! We have reason to believe that some men don’t like some of our current fashion trends! 

Here’s the thing, nameless bros: femininity doesn’t exist just to entice men. We don’t spend every waking moment wondering how we can look more bangable. And if you’re not attracted to “too much” eyeshadow (ugh), then the woman wearing it probably isn’t trying to attract you. Check out 10 reasons why women don’t care if guys like their clothes on The Gloss…

On The Very Annoying Girls Who Dabble Like Tourists In The Sex Industry

Sex Work Like Tourism

One encounters a lot of tourists in the sex industry. While many clients are technically tourists–visiting from other cities, states, or countries–I’m talking about working tourists.

Work tourists are young women, usually either college educated or in the process of getting a college education, who hear about how empowering sex work is, and decide to jump on the bandwagon. They’re different from girls who strip or escort their way through college, in that that they don’t really need sex work. Their education is usually paid for by their parents or scholarships, and the income they earn from their erotic labor is usually money to go out with friends or buy designer bags and shoes. Sex work is a game to them, not a livelihood, and certainly not a career choice. Read more on The Gloss…

My Strange First Day Working In An Erotic Massage Parlor

I was not impressed at all with the lack of notice for my first appointment.

I barely had time to rush back to the little basement dressing room, change into shoes that weren’t completely ratty and gross, and gather my nerves before I got the text message from “Marjorie” informing me that my client was at the gate of the apartment complex. When I finally let my client in, though, I was a bit confused by his look of shock. Read more on The Gloss…

20 Sexy, Grown-Up Bras For Women With Extra-Small Breasts

small boob bras

If you have smaller breasts, it can be hard to find bras made for your body that aren’t made for preteens, because for some reason the lingerie industry has yet to discover that women’s breasts and bodies come in all sizes. After finding a slew of bras that are available in larger sizes, I got a few emails requesting bras for smaller breasts. I found 20 sexy, grown up bras that are either explicitly made for smaller breasts in the AAA-A range, or are at least available in smaller sizes. See all 20 sexy bras on The Gloss

Photoshop Of Horrors: Even Men Are Photoshopped Into Monsters Sometimes

Photoshop Of Horrors: Even Men Are Photoshopped Into Monsters Sometimes

It’s so common to see women on magazines Photoshopped into some kind of chitinous, spindly, segmented monster that we don’t always look twice unless something truly bizarre is going on (like this model who could destroy Tokyo in her high-low dress, or this picture of Megan Fox Photoshopped to look like another woman entirely). But it’s not just women’s magazines that are going crazy with the office copy of CS Elements, the men are at it as well. Sometimes it takes a really ridiculous monster man to remind us of that. Read more on The Gloss…

Meet The Lovely People Who Support Blackface For Christmas

Nothing says “Merry Christmas” quite like racism!

A popular Facebook page is determined to uphold the longstanding Dutch tradition of wearing blackface for Christmas celebrations. Zwarte Piet, or “Black Pete,” is Santa’s helper in Dutch folklore, and while the character began in the 1700s as a demonic servant, nowadays he’s pretty much just Santa’s bud. Santa’s… black bud. Who’s only ever been portrayed by white people. Read more at The Gloss…

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