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What Would You Do If You Found Out Your Grams Was A Call Girl?

Katie Waissel, a contestant on the British TV hit “X Factor,” just found out that her 81-year-old grandmother, Sheila Vogel, works as a paid escort for a mature courtesan agency called Vintage Vamps. Check out this pin-up shot of her from the website, and let me tell you, it is tame by comparison to the…

Simcha / November 23, 2010

Bizarro Snooki Is A Polish Politician

Forget power suits and pearls. If you’re running for political office in Poland, you have to look like Snooki. Well, that’s Eastern European pop star Sara May’s strategy for getting elected to a district council seat in her hometown of Warsaw. Her slogan is: “Beautiful. Independent. Competent.” But her platform seems more like: “Spray Tan.

Simcha / November 22, 2010

Move Over Girlies, Boys Are Taking Over The Pageant Scene

There’s some new pageant competition in town: boys! Over the past five years, the number of tap-dancin’, lip-gloss wearin’, catwalk-workin’ lil’ dudes has doubled. Nearly 10 percent of beauty pageant contestants are male. Yeah, break that glass ceiling, kiddies! While normally, I’d probs take this opportunity to make a few jabs at the whole…

Simcha / November 19, 2010

Girl Beetles Are Thirsty For Love

Thirsty? Maybe you should go boink. Well, you should if you’re a lady and also a beetle. For female beetles, sex is like a big jug of Vitamin Water because the males produce literally 10 percent of their body weight in semen. So, in human terms, my average BF would be blowing a 20 lb.

Simcha / November 19, 2010

Finally, A Blanket As Soft As A ‘Gina

If you thought #3 on yesterday’s list of “Signs You Ain’t Nothin’ But A Hoochie Mama” made you cringe, wait till you hear the name of this new line of blankets: Vagisoft. Shudder. And I’m not shuddering because it’s cold and I need a blanket. I mean Vagisoft sounds like the kinda thing you hide…

Simcha / November 19, 2010

The High School Hottie That Would Become The Sexiest Man Alive 2010

Here he is, Mr. Sexiest Man Alive 2010, Ryan Reynolds! Yeah, he’s been trying to claim he looked like a girl until he was 21, but this is proof he was born cute. Although, this adorbs photo is hardly the best part of this internet yearbook find. Check out the hilarious personal note he wrote…

Simcha / November 19, 2010

18 Signs You Ain’t Nothin’ But A Player

Yesterday, I broke down the “Signs You Ain’t Nothin’ But A Hoochie Mama.” But in the interest of gender equality, I’m gonna bust man-whores too. So, dudes, you might be a playa if ….

Simcha / November 19, 2010

Multi-Tasking Cat Hiccups And Farts With Adorable Efficiency

This is the best 13 seconds I’ve ever spent, in my whole entire life! The look on his lil face reminds me of Britney’s “Oops, I Did It Again.” He’s not that innocent, folks! [OMG Blog]…

Simcha / November 18, 2010

Beyonce Ad Is Banned In The U.K.

Beyonce’s new perfume “Heat” is actually getting some serious heat from the British Advertising Standards Authority. Apparently, the commercial inspired 14 viewers to send in mail basically sayin’, “Mah baby saw Beyonce doing a sexy pants dance and now s/he is dry humpin’ walls too!” So, this ad can now only be aired i…

Simcha / November 18, 2010

17 Signs You Ain’t Nothin’ But A Hoochie Mama

A couple weeks ago, I told you about the scientifically developed hand test to see if your ancestors were sluts. But what about you? Remember Jeff Foxworthy’s charming “You Might Be A Redneck” series? Well, I’m not a redneck. I’m a hussy. So, while I don’t know much about fixin’ up a truck or mullet…

Simcha / November 18, 2010

Totally ’80s Zombies Workout

Are your zombies flabby, out of shape, and stuck in ’80s fashions? Well, whip those undead Freds into shape with this zombie workout! Side note: Man, I miss my hair crimper. [Everything Is Terrible]…

Simcha / November 17, 2010

“RuPaul’s Drag Race” Season 3 Is So Sparkly You’re Gonna Have To Watch With Sunglasses

Have you been trying to buy sequins, but every store is out? Well, girl, it’s probably because “RuPaul’s Drag Race” is finally taping Season 3! And judging by their videos, these new Queens are fab-u-lous. I have to say, I’m happy to see so many plus-size ladies representin’ this season! But let’s get dow…

Simcha / November 17, 2010

28 Ways To Stop Yourself From Having A Cheap One-Night Stand

I’ve read so much advice about not just hopping into bed with men—about how you should make yourself as exclusive as a luxury brand, and how holding out makes him commit. While normally I’d insert an eye roll here, I’m finally a broken slut. Why? Courtney Love said she doesn’t do one-night stands. She, a…

Simcha / November 17, 2010

Album Drop: This Week’s New Releases, From The Boss To Rihanna

It’s new tunes Tuesday. This week, we’ve got some baby makin’ muzack. Nelly is making things hot in herrrre. Rihanna likes to get loud. Freddie Jackson croons. Then, Norah Jones duets with some maj players, like Dolly Parton! Stereolab is making things pop. Bombay Bicycle Club takes us for a ride. And The Boss make…

Simcha / November 16, 2010

Silly Bandz Get Sex-ified

Silly grownups, Silly Bandz are for kidz! Well, they were until some perverts decided to get in on the trend. First there were Sexy Bands, now there are “Wear A Willy Bands” (see above video). I have to say, the Sexy Bands that came in different sexual positions at least seemed like a fu…

Simcha / November 15, 2010

10 Things Women Do With Their Boobs That Drive Men Crazy

Boobs, what are they good for? Absolutely everything! So, don’t let your ta-tas be all lazy, lyin’ around on your chest. Put ‘em to work for you! Whether your boobies are big, small, uneven, or heck, even singular, you can make them even more magical by making them do tricks — sexy tricks. After you…

Simcha / November 15, 2010

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