Profile for Simcha


Growing A Black Man’s Willie

British women love to tend their garden and now we know why they like to spend that much time on their knees! On a recent taping of the BBC’s Gardener’s Question Time, a caller to the Radio 4 Show asked about her Black Man’s Willie — as the rhodochiton volubilis is commonly known. After a segment full of immature giggles and wussy sex jokes that weren’t even as dirty as the soil plants grow in, many, sadly, were offended. Some found the content too racy, some found the jokes racist. Either way, the BBC made a half-hearted PC public apology to smooth things over. But the show must go on, so be sure to tune in for next week’s program on “Watering Your Wandering Jew”! [This Is London] Keep reading »

Mills’ Name Is Mud

Heather Mills is in big trouble! Her old lover Tim Steel, a former male model, claims she cheated on Paul McCartney with him for six months. Steel says she loved for him to rub her amputee stump and that she would roll out of his bed and into lavish romantic vacations with her Beatle husband without batting an eyelash. This bomb dropped just in time, since the divorce court battle over alimony (why no pre-nup you hopeless romantic hippie?) and custody of their daughter Beatrice, 4, began today in London. It’s been a long and winding road to finalize the split and finally the peace loving Paul has been given the ammo he needs to defeat the gold digging she-devil who has broken his heart, gone after $98 million settlement, and above all, slandered his name. In court, McCartney will have to defend himself against allegations of spousal abuse as Heather acts as her own lawyer. While Mills may have previous experience as a soft-core porn star in the 80’s, this time she’s going to be the one getting whipped. Good riddance! We’d just like to say to the newly single Sir Paul, you’ll always be our knight in shining armor. [Reuters and Perez Hilton] Keep reading »

Love and War: A Story That Will Melt Your Heart

Warning: this story is so sweet, it’ll give you a Valentine’s candy toothache, but it’s worth it!
When six-year-old Jannah Lynn Medvec was given a homework assignment to write a soldier in Iraq, her recently divorced mother, Carol, took her to church to get the pen pal’s name off a list of military men. The little girl began writing Army Reserve Sgt. Jim Schulz in 2006, and soon he began corresponding with her three other siblings too, acting as a father figure. Divorced with grown children, Schulz was lonely and found the dating scene difficult since his idea of fun was curling up with his cat in front of the television — which he had done night after night back in his small hometown of 2500 people, just one mile from the Medvecs. When Sgt. Schulz returned for a second tour of duty in Iraq, his job was to repair vehicles that had been attacked — an extremely demanding task on its own. Additionally, he had been in six roadside bomb accidents and had won a Bronze star for bravery after rescuing two other soldiers from a burning vehicle. Keep reading »

Silver Fox Publishes Sex-capades

Ninety-year-old literary editor, self-proclaimed slut, and Bea Arthur lookalike, Diana Athill, has written a tell-all book about her nearly infinite list of lovers. Over her career she edited some of the best — Norman Mailer, John Updike and Margaret Atwood, to name a few — but she also unapologetically screwed the best too. From her publisher boss, Andre Deustche, to Jamaican playwright Barry Reckford, she has put her booty where her even dirtier mouth is over and over again. And Grandma’s TMI is hotter than hot flashes! Uncharacteristic of her generation, Athill’s love of lovin’ and detachment from her boy toys makes her a sexy super heroine. Having a voracious sex life up into her 80’s, the British queen of coitus is finally satisfied. She penned her successful memoir, Stet: An Editor’s Life, in 2000 and her highly anticipated follow-up Somewhere Towards the End has just been released. Cheers to the amazing Ms. Athill who continues to inspire more than erections! [Daily Mail] Keep reading »

What’s New Pussycat?

Sixty-something Sex Bomb Tom Jones has taken out a whopping $7 million insurance policy on his chest hair. While we’re not sure if that includes the trail that leads to the Golden Girls‘ promise land, we are sure that it is a waste of money. What’s he afraid of — a waxident? The insurance company, Lloyd’s of London, is also known for covering J.Lo’s booty, Heidi Klum’s legs, and Keith Richard’s fingers, so they were happy to add Tom and the handful of hair that entertains crowds in Las Vegas. Although, perhaps at his age, the pelvis-thrusting crooner would have been better off getting insurance to cover a cougar attack. [World Of Wonder] Keep reading »

International Pick-Up Artists: Who’s Got Game?

“Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.” While this pick-up line may have success in Germany, according to a Times Online article on international dating styles, all men find themselves constantly fumbling for a way to impress the ladies. From handling finances to feminism, guys around the globe chimed in with their whiny tales of chasing tail. What did they have to say? Frenchmen, known for their seductive savoir faire, gripe that it’s hard to meet women because they seem so busy. Passionate Italian men, who like to hoot, whistle, and grab, complain new sexual harassment laws are holding them back. On the other hand, shy Australian guys require a wingman for back-up. The well-dressed Brits find themselves too proper to make passes unless they have liquid courage and Germans are obsessed with self-help dating seminars. Wah, wah! What about American guys? Find out, after the jump. Keep reading »

Pilots To Get Stick Shift

Being a combat pilot in the Israeli Army is a tough job, but it’s about to get harder. Military officials are considering dispensing the wonder-woody drug, Viagra, to the elite division of their air force. Studies have shown that Viagra helps performance at high altitudes because it counteracts dizziness caused by high blood pressure in the lungs when there’s a shortage of oxygen. But will the blue pill leave these boys blue-balled? We’d do our part to help out, in the name of democracy, of course. [] Keep reading »

The Daily Hotness: Ryan Phillippe

Ryan Phillipe is known for his charm, but even when he isn’t playing a character (like Sebastian in Cruel Intentions) and he thinks no one is watching, he is still totally captivating. From his sly smile to his six-pack, he’s got classic Hollywood good looks, yet his personal life is so normal. He pumps his own gas, takes care of his kids, and best of all, doesn’t ever diss his ex, Reese Witherspoon. He has managed to rise up the celeb caste system (next up he stars in the war drama Stop Loss) and still be a family man. Just this week he was snapped with his son at the grocery store goofing around. Nothing is sexier than a man that’s good to his kids, especially when it’s dad as hot as Ryan Phillipe! We’re sure his impressive fatherhood matches his manhood. Who wouldn’t like to take Ryan home and call him daddy? Keep reading »

Time Out Time Out!

There’s only one thing I hate about being single: the constant stream of relationship advice I didn’t even ask for. I have a degree, plenty of relationship experience, a body that just won’t quit, and a tube of red lipstick — I am well equipped to survive in the wilderness that is the dating scene. Yet everyone wants to jump in on the action, from my married friends who mean well to magazine relationship experts. And, by the way, the advice is always the same: “Empower yourself so you can attract a man to latch onto.” The latest to dispense this advice is Time Out New York and their resident dating “expert” Julia Allison (you non-New Yorkers may recognize her as a talking head on CNN and Fox News). The magazine’s “Singles Issue” promises that if you let someone Photoshop and style you, you can attract a mate someday — all aspects of Allison’s marketing (yourself) plan. Other nuggets of advice after the jump. Keep reading »

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