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Dealbreaker: He Didn’t Tell Me He Was Engaged Until We Were About To Have Sex

Dealbreaker: Dog Kicker
Dealbreaker: He Kicked My Dog
He kicked her dog. Read More »
Dealbreaker: Huge Penis
His penis was so big that it made her cry. Read More »
Dealbreaker: Slut Shamer
He was a slut shamer, so she was outta there. Read More »
Dealbreaker: He Didn't Tell Me He Was Engaged Until We Were About To Have Sex

Mike* added me on Facebook and struck up conversation the day after our mutual friend – who was under the impression that we were both single and searching – set us up. We hit it off immediately. I did all the relevant Google stalking research, watched YouTube videos where he discussed important things he learned at Yale, internally combusted over how perfect we seemed for each other and hypothesized about what our babies would look like.

Conversation seemed to be going so smoothly and I was feeling giddy as fuck, so I didn’t even bother to give myself a moment to breathe and trip over reality when he said, “Screw it! I’m driving to LA tomorrow to take you out.”

The thing is, although I get that the above was potentially just naïve by me, what followed was perhaps one of the best, most fun, most connected first dates I’ve ever had. Conversation was engaging and never ending, we laughed so much we made outright dicks of ourselves, and I felt extremely comfortable with him. I literally cannot emphasize enough how uncanny it all felt, which is a sentiment he later voiced out loud when he quipped that it felt like I was “already his girlfriend.” Keep reading »

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