Sara Barron

Girl Talk: The Time I Accidentally Ordered A $175 Steak On A Date

A few years back, I enjoyed a dream-like experience. It was like something out of the most ridiculous rom-com starring … oh, let’s say, Amanda Seyfried as me, the protagonist, and Channing Tatum as Mark, my strapping love interest. I’d been on a I-just-broke-up-with-my-boyfriend-let-me-get-away-from-it-all vacation to San Francisco. I stayed with a friend, wandered around,…
By: Sara Barron / May 29, 2012

Girl Talk: My Grandma’s Vibrator Gives Me Hope

A decade ago, my grandmother, then 82, broke her hip. Her recovery involved a month in the hospital while she learned to walk comfortably again, a month that drove my mother, my grandmother’s sole caretaker, to the brink of insanity. “I can’t go on,” she’d moan. “Calgon, take me away.” Such was her constant refrain,…
By: Sara Barron / May 16, 2012

The 4 Worst Boners I’ve Encountered

Back in 1992, at the age of 13, I went on an exchange program to France and fell madly in love with a boy named Guillaume. Guillaume Boner. (“Boner” pronounced in the French style, Bone-errrr, emphasis on the errr.) I confessed my crush to Jamie Goldfarb, one of my fellow American travelers, while on a…
By: Sara Barron / May 14, 2012

The 4 Weirdest Places I’ve Ever Had Sex

I was a late-in-life virgin. I’m not talking one of those extreme ones – 30 years old, 35, etc. – I mean, like, 23. So does that qualify? Not really. But my point is that most of my friends went about losing their virginity at 17, and an extra six years of virginity back the…
By: Sara Barron / May 1, 2012

6 Ways To End A Sex Drought

When it rains, it pours. You hear it all the time, and the implication, of course, is that there’s also a flipside: When it’s dry, it’s dry for ages. This is especially true when it comes to sex. Often it feels like the only thing you need to get a guy’s attention is another guy’s attention. Conversely,…
By: Sara Barron / April 26, 2012

First Time For Everything: Kissing A Girl

Let me start by giving you two conflicting pieces of information: 1) I consider myself heterosexual, and 2) At the age of 13 – while in the violent throws of puberty – I saw the iconic Vanity Fair cover featuring k.d. lang in a three-piece suit alongside a leather bathing suit-clad Cindy Crawford, and thought…
By: Sara Barron / April 24, 2012

Girl Talk: I’m A Compulsive Zit Popper

I have a confession to make: I’m a popper. Not a popper of pills, mind you. I am a popper of pimples. I know that’s gross, and I’m sorry. However, I do think that, at the very least, I owe it to you, dear reader, to hold myself responsible: My name is Sara Barron, and…
By: Sara Barron / April 19, 2012

First Time For Everything: Anal Beads

Years ago, in my early 20s, I dated a guy named Mike. Now Mike, by all accounts, was heterosexual. Perhaps you’re thinking, Um, hello? Duh. Of course he was. He was dating you, and you’re a woman. But as any lady in her 20s living in New York can tell you, this doesn’t always guarantee…
By: Sara Barron / April 12, 2012

The 4 Weirdest Things Ever Said To Me During Sex

As a woman 32 years of age who has spent as much time single as she’s spent attached, boy oh boy do I have tales from the field. (And by “the field,” I mean the casual sex/dating circuit.) One thing I’ve learned we all do from time to time: make weird, embarrassing, outlandish exclamations during sex. The…
By: Sara Barron / April 10, 2012

First Time For Everything: Dancing At Coyote Ugly

Here’s a thing I can promise: If you invite me to your wedding, your other guests will comment on the quality of my dancing. It’s inevitable. I’ve never been to a wedding where the thank you note for whatever I picked off the registry didn’t do exactly that. Anything from, “My Uncle Morty loved your…
By: Sara Barron / March 30, 2012

8 Things You Didn’t Know About Sex Robots

So maybe you’ve seen the stuff about the dolls: "Lars and the Real Girl", "My Strange Addiction." You are probably up to date on your objectum sexuality: The "30 Rock" where James Franco’s in love with a Japanese sex pillow or the woman who recently professed her love for the Statue of Liberty. And…
By: Sara Barron / March 23, 2012

5 Common Types Of Female Farts

Allow me to be all at once bold and competitive: I’ve got the worst gas of anyone you've ever met. If society was somehow different, and my … gift, let’s call it, was better valued, I would be your Queen of Farts. I would command attention, take down armies. I would redraw the lines of…
By: Sara Barron / March 8, 2012

10 Tempting Reasons To Think He’s The One (Even If He’s Not)

I am pathetic for reasons too numerous to count, so for the moment, let’s focus on just one: I watch a stupid amount of daytime TV. So that means I’m well-schooled in various bits of contemporary pop psychology, like this little gem care of Dr. Phil: For a relationship to work in the long term,…
By: Sara Barron / March 7, 2012

5 Relationship Draw-Outs To Avoid

Draw-out \‘dro\ \’aut\ n. pl draw-outs : An event that prompts you, dear lady, to prolong a relationship you know you ought to end. If there’s one sure thing besides death and taxes it’s that you, whoever you are, have, at some point in your romantic career, drawn out a relationship longer than was healthy.
By: Sara Barron / February 29, 2012

7 Ways To Know If You’re Peeing Or Squirting

Allow me to be bold: I love masturbating. LOVE. “Then why don’t you marry it?” you ask. And I respond: “Believe me, gal, I would if I could. I would if I could.” I figured out the business at age 17, inspired as I’d been by some static-covered soft-core I’d watched on Cinemax, which left…
By: Sara Barron / February 17, 2012

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