So it turns out you guys are as big of freaks about butter as I am! I really did feel weird writing my Ode to Butter until a rash of you swooped in and expressed how dedicated to butter you are, too. There’s nothing like the Internet to build communities you didn’t know you needed.
That being said, it’s also given me a damn good excuse to sift through the web to find the best compound butter recipes out there. Use this shit on bread. Put it in your oatmeal. Cook burgers in it. Cook steaks in it. Mash it into potatoes and sweet potatoes and cauliflower. Slather it on all your vegetables. Use it for your Italian buttercream. Use it for your American buttercream. Put it in your cocktails and your coffee. Eat it plain for that matter! Just get more butter in your life.
Do you know how many times I’ve heard the phrase “dick cheese”? So many times. Countless times. “Period goobers”? Not so much. It’s time to change this, y’all.
Dudes get to talk about their balls and penises in public all the friggin’ time. They’re so used to being able to talk openly about their dicks that many of them have come to believe that talking about their dicks is an acceptable way to flirt. And balls — blue balls, ball-busting, having things by the balls, having the balls to do stuff — fucking testicles are pervasive in our lives.
I propose changing this by going all-in and talking about our periods openly and graphically. We talk about penises so much that pretty much everyone has a working knowledge about penises and the things they do and go through. Let’s get real real about our vaginas and our lady times. We’ve made penises into sort of lovably comical objects, and it’s time we did the same for poon. I’ll get the ball rolling (SO TO SPEAK): Keep reading »
My life three years ago is sometimes incomprehensible to me. Retrospectively, it’s so absurd that it’s hard to believe that the things that happened happened, or that I tolerated some of the things that happened, or that I actively participated in some of the things that happened.
Enough mystery. When Jessica’s article about the time her husband spent unemployed went live, I told her about my experiences on both sides of the unemployment-in-a-relationship fence. I spent three years with an unemployed (former) spouse, and then became unemployed myself last year, during the course of the relationship I’m in with my boyfriend now. Jessica recounted beautifully the anxiety of watching a partner she loves undergoing the stress of unemployment and job-searching. Keep reading »
Selfish (adj.): Lacking concern for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.
Death is not profitable or pleasurable. It’s just nothing. It’s just not suffering. It has nothing to do with benefiting or not benefiting oneself or others. Saying that someone was selfish for having committed suicide is like saying that it was selfish of a person caught on fire to scream in agony.
When the topic of suicide is brought to the table, my primary concern isn’t to address people who have suicidal ideation. Everyone else is already doing that: They say, if you’re depressed or thinking about suicide, please seek help. Keep reading »
Yeah, I know that #notallmen are dum-dums about the way that female bodies and brains work, but I can produce evidence from the Internet and my inbox that enough are to merit some clarification. Seriously, some of the things humans with penises say about humans with vaginas are mystifying, especially when it appears that the Penis Humans don’t think that Vagina Humans are of the same species and therefore have an entirely different set of elements governing the way our bodies work.
I’m not saying this stuff to pick on guys. I’m just saying it to express my bafflement. If a vocal group of ladies were saying on a consistent basis, “Isn’t it so weird that guys have hair all over their bodies?” y’all would be pretty baffled by that sentiment too. Without further ado… Keep reading »