Putting on pasties for the first time was fabulous. Putting on pasties for the first time while lactating—well, that was fabulous and messy. But no matter what, I refuse to turn them in!
Before I became a mom, I regularly emceed a bunch of New York-based burlesque shows (Starshine Burlesque, Le Scandal, and Red Hots Burlesque to name a few) and I found that audiences enjoyed my raunchy persona, a combination of Elvira’s boobs and wardrobe, Ethel Merman’s voice and Rudy Ray Moore’s mouth (and if you don’t know who Rudy Ray Moore is, I encourage you to get schooled immediately). But once I had a kid, everyone seemed to assume that I would change, that I’d become more, oh, I don’t know, virginal. I always thought that was kind of odd. After all, I had an 8 pound 12 ounce infant pop out of my vag, so there was no longer anything even remotely virginal about me (not like there had been before).
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