The other night, after having sex with the new guy I’m seeing, he said casually, “I’m going out for a drink with my friend. I’ll be back in half an hour.” Fair or not, it bothered me that he was going out with a female friend (I’d still have been a little miffed it had been a male friend, but not in the same way). The fact was, I was exhausted after having flown home on a red eye that morning, so perhaps I was overly sensitive, but still, I was jealous … especially when three hours later I woke up and he wasn’t there.
I almost left, but he apologized, telling me his friend had some major issues to discuss and they’d lost track of time. He rushed back and we fell asleep together. The next night, I got to meet the woman I’ll call Alice when we all went to dinner. She was fun and sweet — and has a boyfriend. In just a few minutes, I could tell she wasn’t a threat to my relationship, but still, the fact that the majority of his friends are women, and there are lots of them, has given me pause. Keep reading »
Erica Kennedy is known to many readers for her hip-hop novel Bling, but her latest novel, Feminista, has been making waves for its so-called entry into the “bitch lit” genre and its unapologetically ballsy protagonist, Sydney, a writer who finds love almost despite herself. Kennedy, who blogs about “feministas” in pop culture, from Michelle Obama to “The Princess and the Frog,” at The Feminista Files, answered our questions via email. Check out the interview, after the jump! Keep reading »
I thought I’d had “rough sex” before; I’d been spanked on my butt plenty of times, had my hair pulled, even been caned once while strung up with my hands over my head. That hurt, and I cried, and I liked it, because I’m submissive like that, but it was just a one-time thing. I’d had plenty of encounters with talking dirty, spinning all sorts of nasty fantasies, where, most of the time, I was on the receiving end of some very hot epithets. But I’d never wanted to be choked until I got together with the guy I’m dating now. Keep reading »
I’ve already told you why guys who don’t want head are a dealbreaker for me, but what about guys who just aren’t into sex? Yes, they exist. Anyone who tells you otherwise — that all men are 24/7 sex fiends — is either lying or has just been lucky enough not to meet the kind of guy I’m talking about: the sexless guy.
I’ve dated several guys who, from what I can tell, have a take it or leave it attitude toward sex, with an emphasis on leaving it. Why, you may ask, did I, someone who writes about sex almost every day, wind up with them? I don’t really know, but I did. And the worst part about it is not the physical withdrawal; I’m not the kind of girl who needs to do it every day (though that would be nice). Keep reading »
Since my breakup, I’ve not only been navigating single life, but I’ve been trying to figure out what kind of relationship to have with my ex. Are we friends? Acquaintances? Simply exes? Potential friends with benefits? It’s hard to say, and I vacillate between these possibilities. I’m grateful that ours was a long distance relationship, so I don’t have to worry about running into him at a club or the grocery store. At the same time, I’ll be honest — I miss him. Our once-daily talks and emails have dwindled to once or twice a week … but that doesn’t mean I don’t think of him more often than that. Keep reading »
Wake me up at the crack of dawn looking for sex, and I’m likely to ignore you, or yell at you — and not in a dominatrix type of way. To put it mildly, I’m not a morning person — or, rather, I’m up for “morning sex,” if 11:59 a.m. counts as “morning.” But others have different ideas on the matter, so I asked my friends what time of the day equals sexytime for them. Keep reading »
“Dinner and a movie” may sound like the most boring, clichéd date ever, but I think movie dates are hot. When you go to the movies with someone, you learn a lot about them: what kinds of films they like, whether they pay for the tickets, how they behave in the theater. You may not be talking during the movie, but there’s a lot to be said for body language. Keep reading »
Recently, I described a mutual friend to my friend T. as “the guy with the big c**k.” Then I felt a little guilty, like I was giving away a huge (zing!) secret; she was surprised at this description, having never thought about him in a sexual way, whereas I meant it as both a compliment and simply what I remember best about our time as f**k buddies. It also made me remember another guy with a unique but still vexing sexual problem: the too-big dick. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there is such a thing as too much when it comes to penis size. Bigger is not necessarily better, and while I’ve been with one or two guys who bordered on overly large, this one should win some sort of booby prize. Keep reading »
Generally, I don’t like making New Year’s resolutions. All too often, I feel like I’m jinxing myself. The minute I say I want X, I find myself doing Y. At the same time, I’m not crazy about the idea that dating is a random act over which I have no control. In hopes of better love in 2009, my sex and dating resolutions are after the jump. Keep reading »
Sometimes I wish I was a virgin. OK, maybe that’s going too far, but lately I’ve been feeling like the sluttiest girl in New York, or at least whatever room I happen to be in. It’s not because I’m ashamed of my sexual past — I truly believe that everyone I’ve slept with, from one night-stands to relationships to threesomes, has made me who I am today. Keep reading »