Rachel Kramer Bussel

The Bold Single Bride Who Married Herself

What would you do if you wound up single on what was to be one of the most special days of your life—your wedding day? My friend Desiree did something remarkable and revolutionary: instead of hiding away, she marched boldly into a proud new future, and in the process became an inspiration to me and,…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / September 29, 2011

Girl Talk: I Want My Boyfriend To Fantasize About Other Women

I read Eliza Jules’ essay “I Obsessively Monitor My Husband’s Lube Bottle” over at xoJane and was left with this question: Is a partner’s masturbation something we should worry about? The more I’ve thought about it, though, the more I’ve concluded that, for me, I’m at the very opposite end of the…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / June 30, 2011

Girl Talk: Sex With A “Top Chef”

At the end of last year, I was in Los Angeles for a TV appearance that required me to be dressed up and in full makeup. That ended in the early afternoon, and I walked around downtown all glammed up, excited to have the rest of the day free. A guy complimented me, and I…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / January 24, 2011

Girl Talk: My Love/Hate Relationship With Thinspiration Blogs

The other night, I was wading through all the junk scattered around my apartment, starting to panic because I couldn’t find a book I needed to review. I threw out bag after bag of garbage and finally decided to get some dinner, my version of which was a prepackaged frozen entree of organic tofu, vegetable…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / December 23, 2010

Girl Talk: Should I Be Jealous Of His Female Friends?

The other night, after having sex with the new guy I’m seeing, he said casually, “I’m going out for a drink with my friend. I’ll be back in half an hour.” Fair or not, it bothered me that he was going out with a female friend (I’d still have been a little miffed it had…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / March 18, 2010

Frisky Q&A: Erica Kennedy, Author Of “Bitch Lit” Novel “Feminista”

Erica Kennedy is known to many readers for her hip-hop novel Bling, but her latest novel, Feminista, has been making waves for its so-called entry into the “bitch lit” genre and its unapologetically ballsy protagonist, Sydney, a writer who finds love almost despite herself. Kennedy, who blogs about “feministas” in po…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / December 3, 2009

First Time For Everything: Rough Sex

I thought I’d had “rough sex” before; I’d been spanked on my butt plenty of times, had my hair pulled, even been caned once while strung up with my hands over my head. That hurt, and I cried, and I liked it, because I’m submissive like that, but it was just a one-time thing. I’d…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / August 17, 2009

Dealbreaker: The Sexless Guy

I’ve already told you why guys who don’t want head are a dealbreaker for me, but what about guys who just aren’t into sex? Yes, they exist. Anyone who tells you otherwise -- that all men are 24/7 sex fiends -- is either lying or has just been lucky enough not to meet the…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / March 16, 2009

Dating Drama: The Ex-Boyfriend Blues

Since my breakup, I've not only been navigating single life, but I've been trying to figure out what kind of relationship to have with my ex. Are we friends? Acquaintances? Simply exes? Potential friends with benefits? It’s hard to say, and I vacillate between these possibilities. I'm grateful that ours was a long…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / January 27, 2009

Dating Drama: What’s The Best Time For Sexytime?

Wake me up at the crack of dawn looking for sex, and I’m likely to ignore you, or yell at you -- and not in a dominatrix type of way. To put it mildly, I’m not a morning person -- or, rather, I’m up for “morning sex,” if 11:59 a.m. counts as “morning.” But other…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / January 20, 2009

Dating Drama: To Movie Date Or Not To Movie Date?

“Dinner and a movie” may sound like the most boring, clichéd date ever, but I think movie dates are hot. When you go to the movies with someone, you learn a lot about them: what kinds of films they like, whether they pay for the tickets, how they behave in the theater. You may not…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / January 12, 2009

Dealbreaker: Mr. Too Big

Recently, I described a mutual friend to my friend T. as “the guy with the big c**k.” Then I felt a little guilty, like I was giving away a huge (zing!) secret; she was surprised at this description, having never thought about him in a sexual way, whereas I meant it as both a compliment…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / January 5, 2009

Dating Drama: My New Year’s Sex And Dating Resolutions

Generally, I don’t like making New Year's resolutions. All too often, I feel like I’m jinxing myself. The minute I say I want X, I find myself doing Y. At the same time, I'm not crazy about the idea that dating is a random act over which I have no control. In hopes of better…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / January 5, 2009

Dating Drama: The Sluttiest Girl In The Room

Sometimes I wish I was a virgin. OK, maybe that’s going too far, but lately I’ve been feeling like the sluttiest girl in New York, or at least whatever room I happen to be in. It’s not because I’m ashamed of my sexual past -- I truly believe that everyone I’ve slept with, from one…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / December 30, 2008

What My Ex Taught Me About Relationships

I’m still adjusting to single life since my breakup, but I’m making a lot of progress, and it's gotten me thinking about what kind of person I want to be with in the future. For most of my life, instead of approaching relationships with a checklist, I was flattered someone -- anyone --…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / December 22, 2008

Dating Drama: Why I’m Happy To Be Single (For Now)

Not long ago, I had a boyfriend. Now, I'm single. Again. I’d been feeling like my relationship wasn’t working for a while, but that hasn’t made the breakup any easier. I miss my ex, but even more, I miss the idea of us having a future together. At the same time, I’m getting…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / December 15, 2008

Dating Drama: Breakup Sex

I flew out to San Francisco for 34 hours this past weekend. The trip was meant to be a day longer, but I had to fly home for a friend’s wedding, and instead of canceling the trip altogether, I decided to act like a rock star and do it all. Ostensibly, I was headed for…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / December 8, 2008

Dating Drama: For Some, Flirting Is A Sport

My friend Gloria flirts with everyone -- even her cat. Seriously. Almost every time I see her she’s cozying up to someone new, even though she isn’t a perpetual dater and doesn’t sleep around. At my birthday dinner a few weeks ago, she asked my friend Sira if he wanted to lick some buttercream frosting…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / December 1, 2008

Dating Drama: No Glove, No Love? Not Always.

2006 was a year of unprotected sex for me. No, not every time, but I started off the year with a fling with a slightly older man I was besotted with, who didn’t speak a word about condoms, and, in response, I didn’t either. I wanted to trust that he had some magical knowledge that…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / November 24, 2008

Dating Drama: Is He The One?

Right now, I’m in the most serious relationship I’ve ever been in; as in, even though I live in New York and he lives in San Francisco, we’ve talked about where and when we could live together -- and how soon. He’s met my uncle; I’ve gone to his family’s cabin, and I'm joining them…
By: Rachel Kramer Bussel / November 17, 2008