Rachel Kramer Bussel

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Guys

I was at the bar at the Mandarin Oriental in Las Vegas enjoying a glass of champagne and having an intense one-in-the-morning chat with a new friend about raising kids (she’s a mom, I want to be one) when a young, casually-dressed guy came over and put his hand on both our backs. He was… READ MORE »


Highlights

I’m not an addict, and I’m not an alcoholic. But as offensive as this may sound, I sometimes I wish I were, if only so I could have a language and a community to help me deal with what often seem like out of control urges—a structure surrounding me to help me cope with, well,… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

What would you do if you wound up single on what was to be one of the most special days of your life—your wedding day? My friend Desiree did something remarkable and revolutionary: instead of hiding away, she marched boldly into a proud new future, and in the process became an inspiration to me and,… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

I read Eliza Jules’ essay “I Obsessively Monitor My Husband’s Lube Bottle” over at xoJane and was left with this question: Is a partner’s masturbation something we should worry about? The more I’ve thought about it, though, the more I’ve concluded that, for me, I’m at the very opposite end of the spectrum as Jules;… READ MORE »


Entertainment

At the end of last year, I was in Los Angeles for a TV appearance that required me to be dressed up and in full makeup. That ended in the early afternoon, and I walked around downtown all glammed up, excited to have the rest of the day free. A guy complimented me, and I… READ MORE »


News

The other night, I was wading through all the junk scattered around my apartment, starting to panic because I couldn’t find a book I needed to review. I threw out bag after bag of garbage and finally decided to get some dinner, my version of which was a prepackaged frozen entree of organic tofu, vegetables… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

The other night, after having sex with the new guy I’m seeing, he said casually, “I’m going out for a drink with my friend. I’ll be back in half an hour.” Fair or not, it bothered me that he was going out with a female friend (I’d still have been a little miffed it had… READ MORE »


Entertainment

Erica Kennedy is known to many readers for her hip-hop novel Bling, but her latest novel, Feminista, has been making waves for its so-called entry into the “bitch lit” genre and its unapologetically ballsy protagonist, Sydney, a writer who finds love almost despite herself. Kennedy, who blogs about “feministas” in pop culture, from Michelle ObamaREAD MORE »


Love & Sex

I thought I’d had “rough sex” before; I’d been spanked on my butt plenty of times, had my hair pulled, even been caned once while strung up with my hands over my head. That hurt, and I cried, and I liked it, because I’m submissive like that, but it was just a one-time thing. I’d… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

I’ve already told you why guys who don’t want head are a dealbreaker for me, but what about guys who just aren’t into sex? Yes, they exist. Anyone who tells you otherwise — that all men are 24/7 sex fiends — is either lying or has just been lucky enough not to meet the kind… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

Since my breakup, I’ve not only been navigating single life, but I’ve been trying to figure out what kind of relationship to have with my ex. Are we friends? Acquaintances? Simply exes? Potential friends with benefits? It’s hard to say, and I vacillate between these possibilities. I’m grateful that ours was a long distance relationship,… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

Wake me up at the crack of dawn looking for sex, and I’m likely to ignore you, or yell at you — and not in a dominatrix type of way. To put it mildly, I’m not a morning person — or, rather, I’m up for “morning sex,” if 11:59 a.m. counts as “morning.” But others… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

“Dinner and a movie” may sound like the most boring, clichéd date ever, but I think movie dates are hot. When you go to the movies with someone, you learn a lot about them: what kinds of films they like, whether they pay for the tickets, how they behave in the theater. You may not… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

Recently, I described a mutual friend to my friend T. as “the guy with the big c**k.” Then I felt a little guilty, like I was giving away a huge (zing!) secret; she was surprised at this description, having never thought about him in a sexual way, whereas I meant it as both a compliment… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

Generally, I don’t like making New Year’s resolutions. All too often, I feel like I’m jinxing myself. The minute I say I want X, I find myself doing Y. At the same time, I’m not crazy about the idea that dating is a random act over which I have no control. In hopes of better… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

Sometimes I wish I was a virgin. OK, maybe that’s going too far, but lately I’ve been feeling like the sluttiest girl in New York, or at least whatever room I happen to be in. It’s not because I’m ashamed of my sexual past — I truly believe that everyone I’ve slept with, from one… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

I’m still adjusting to single life since my breakup, but I’m making a lot of progress, and it’s gotten me thinking about what kind of person I want to be with in the future. For most of my life, instead of approaching relationships with a checklist, I was flattered someone — anyone — was interested… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

Not long ago, I had a boyfriend. Now, I’m single. Again. I’d been feeling like my relationship wasn’t working for a while, but that hasn’t made the breakup any easier. I miss my ex, but even more, I miss the idea of us having a future together. At the same time, I’m getting into the… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

I flew out to San Francisco for 34 hours this past weekend. The trip was meant to be a day longer, but I had to fly home for a friend’s wedding, and instead of canceling the trip altogether, I decided to act like a rock star and do it all. Ostensibly, I was headed for… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

My friend Gloria flirts with everyone — even her cat. Seriously. Almost every time I see her she’s cozying up to someone new, even though she isn’t a perpetual dater and doesn’t sleep around. At my birthday dinner a few weeks ago, she asked my friend Sira if he wanted to lick some buttercream frosting… READ MORE »